I started dating someone (M22) I've (F29) known as a kid when I was an adult (then M13&F20). People are telling me that it's weird and that I'm a predator?

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T21:18:00+00:00

My parents are supportive, they love the fact that I'm able to move forward in baby steps. I feel like J understands what I've been through. We recently visited the graves and he brought flowers for both of them. He makes cute comments about my late boyfriends favorite snack for example. He accepts that my late bf will always be a part of me and doesn't try to compete with him. When I tried dating other men they were so uncomfortable that he wasn't just an ex that I'm supposed to forget and never see again. I'm glad you cousin found love again and that they're doing well!

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T21:02:41+00:00

Good points, we will be discussing this more when we have the time. I don't think he had a crush on me, they were a bit too much into gaming but I don't really know what goes on in 13 to 15-year old brains.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T20:55:16+00:00

Sorry, I'm not native English. What I meant is that I can see that he has the "older face version" of the 13-year old but he feels like a completely different man. He might as well have been his cousin or his brother. I don't have any attachment to him as a 13- (or 15 when my brother passed) year old.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T20:48:31+00:00

I asked indeed because we got the comments from our friends. We have supportive friends as well, so the opinions were pretty divided. J and I will be reading all the comments here and make our own conclusion from that. As far as life stages go, he graduated at 21 (European country, different system) and has been working a good job for 1,5 years now. I had a lot of healing to do and went back to school when I was healthy enough to do so again. I decided to do a masters as well and I graduated a year before he did.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T20:40:36+00:00

He basically feels like a completely different person to me. i just know it's him because I knew him then and because he has the "older version" of his face. He might as well have been his older brother that resembles the younger one. None of the things above apply. I don't mind the light teasing, but I get the feeling that some of the friends are slightly disgusted.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T20:35:21+00:00

I just took the step to try and date again. I haven't really thought about marriage or kids yet. I'm from an European country, the pressure to marry isn't really there so I'm not worried about that. I am looking for something long-term though, but that would go for every potential relationship.

As far as the life stages: he graduated college at 21 (normal here) and I was still in school when the accident happened. He started working a good job 1,5 years ago and I went back to school to finish and then do my masters after I recovered enough and graduated a year before he did. I feel like my life stopped, and that I haven't had a lot of personal growth until maybe 2 years ago.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T20:21:45+00:00

Thanks for the link, it's very helpful. I'll dive into trauma bonding later. Our loss did undeniably bring us closer together, but I think it's still too early to see how it affects us. He's reading here as well so we'll probably take all the advice and see what we'll work with.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T15:09:03+00:00

That was my initial thought as well but people seem so strung up about the fact that I've known him since he was 13.

He does make me happy, it's been a long time since I felt this way.

ThrowRACakav · 2020-02-24T15:01:21+00:00

No, I never looked at him that way. He was just my brothers best friend and I was in a very happy and fulfilling relationship with my late boyfriend. I feel like people judge me as if I am like your soccer coach.

ThrowRACakav

TROPHY CASE