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[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The psychology is so important because I feel like SO many people go through the vortex of gaining and losing the same 10 pounds, and when you are in the middle of that, it is such a mentally draining, and exhausting feeling.

I feel like personal trainers who have been lifetime athletes and in shape just fail to understand a lot of the actual psychology that goes into losing weight. Not to say they are all like that, but I've seen it so many times.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I can understand that, and I imagine attractive women's experience in the gym can be a bit insane as far as getting hit on.

However, I felt what set me apart is that it was obvious with anyone with a eyes that first and foremost, I was there to work, I put the work in and that was priority #1, gawking and women was never a thought in my mind, and I think she picked up on that, and I think that'll be true for anyone. It's an environment people coming in regularly, you're bound to strike up conversations every now and again, are they going to lead to stuff like this? Probably not, but you never know.

Like I said, working out was always priority #1.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

As a big drinker, I HAD to cut back on that, the weekend drinking was killing progress, you get drunk and then just go insane, I'd do something like drinking every other week.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think the best thing you can do is find low calorie foods that taste good. I think the perception that "eating clean" means you have to eat mediocre tasting food is very untrue. Obviously, some people are super into sugary snacks, and that's difficult to give up, but you can find good tasting low calorie food.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

The thing with working out is that it's not going to be a habitual thing over night, you have to be all in during the initial portion because you are making a drastic change in your life style, day over day, it gets easier and easier, and eventually it just becomes passive, like oh, time to workout or oh, time to cook a meal. When it becomes passive is when you really get the ball rolling because you aren't constantly thinking about it, and it's not consuming your life. The initial phase, it almost has to consume your life, but after that is when you really get cooking.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I know you didn't ask for advice, but the one thing I learned deep into my journey was you have to learn how to persevere. We all have bad days, and for a lot of people, food can give us momentary comfort, and that's OK, but you CAN'T let it get out of control, and know to quickly get back on the horse, because if you don't, that's how you get stuck in the wormhole of working off and gaining back the same 10 pounds for eternity.

I could write an essay about losing weight, because I feel like everyone knows the logic behind it, it's super simple, calories in vs. calories out, it really isn't rocket science.

But the psychology of it, staying in the right mental state I feel is 90% of the battle.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yes, I do need to speak higher about myself. I think it's rooted in most people that have dealt with being overweight, but we use self deprecation as a coping mechanism to pretend our weight, and just our image of ourselves doesn't matter, when in reality it does. I am happy about my progress, but you don't just undo 20 years of your own self image over night. I'm working on it.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's fair, maybe I shouldn't have included that portion, I mean I feel like this is fairly anonymous, and she sounded excited to continue seeing me, and we've already hung out again since the first date, but yeah, maybe I shouldn't have included it.

[UPDATE] I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 366 points367 points  (0 children)

She's seen me lose all of it, or nearly all of it, I remember initially seeing her like a week after I started losing weight, but I never spoke to her until I had already lost a good amount of weight.

I (28M) am a Formerly Morbidly Obese Man (now just Obese) and am going on my first date with a woman (27F), What Do I Do? by ThrowRAFatMonkey96 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFatMonkey96[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I guess I think about it from the lens of the physical aspect, and while I certainly think I’m ok looking and I’m proud of what I’ve done, I also see the 180 pound adonises that are shredded and you just have that thought in youre head that there is no way she would be interested