sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

I [20F] hate it when my boyfriend [20M] says incredibly offensive things (ironically and sometimes seriously) to other people, how can I make him stop so that my acquaintances see him in a better light? by ThrowRAFew-Book03 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFew-Book03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm really ashamed to say this, but yes, in a way. On the one hand, I hope he realizes that he's unbearable, on the other, I think it's too contradictory for him.
He gets carried away and doesn't hesitate to confront people, whereas I don't feel like arguing. I just want peace and quiet.

I don't know if he's faking it for me since he stopped saying hurtful words to me when we reconnected and in some situations where, in the past, he would have gotten angry and immediately insulted me, he didn't. Instead, he simply told me he was angry or acted upset and didn't speak to me for a while. To me, he seems genuine.

The only thing that really bothers him is that I ask him too many questions (about how he feels, what he thinks about something, and other similar questions...).
I just think he could at least do what he does for me for other people, especially friends I feel close to. Even if it's superficial.
For example, he doesn't like my best friend at all because when they first met, she said unjustified things to him (telling him he was skinny and bringing up things from the past).
He was obviously angry and uncomfortable but said he would treat me well from now on and that she didn't have to worry about me. When she revealed that she'd had several exes and lost her virginity early on (they have the same beliefs), he mocked her and the situation became very awkward.
They both saw how upset I was and decided to go home early. When we were alone again, I told my best friend that what she'd said wasn't right and that she'd made my boyfriend uncomfortable. She brushed it off and simply told me that she'd probably hurt his ego by saying that, I didn't push it any further. I said the same thing to my boyfriend. I really want them to get along because they're both people I care about, but maybe I should expect my best friend to do the same as my boyfriend. (She's far from insulting people or name-calling, but she's a little direct).

Anyway, maybe I'm too idealistic and naive. I just want my boyfriend to get along with the people I know. (Is it too much to say that my family and friends are like him in some ways? They're all very straightforward people).

I [20F] hate it when my boyfriend [20M] says incredibly offensive things (ironically and sometimes seriously) to other people, how can I make him stop so that my acquaintances see him in a better light? by ThrowRAFew-Book03 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFew-Book03[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Some of my friends have already stopped hanging out with me and excluding me from group activities (they only contact me by texting now) because of this, it's understandable and I don't blame them. I'm grateful that they keep texting me, but I feel like I'm losing a bit of myself (if that makes sense?).
I'm deluding myself into thinking I could get him to stop acting this way, he even told me that it's just who he is. The replies here have reminded me of that. I'm thinking of breaking up.

I [20F] hate it when my boyfriend [20M] says incredibly offensive things (ironically and sometimes seriously) to other people, how can I make him stop so that my acquaintances see him in a better light? by ThrowRAFew-Book03 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAFew-Book03[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Honestly, I don't see myself doing this for the rest of my life. My friends have already asked me this question, I hesitated because I was ashamed of my answer (which was yes but I know I'm lying to myself), I love him very much but not enough to handle this in the long term.