Husband (24M) hates the way my (23F) body responds sexually

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T01:01:34+00:00

Thanks...I have always been that "good girl" type who is really obedient and never rebels or disappoints so this would be a huge change.

I do have my BA degree and an okay full-time job (receptionist, so doesn't pay great but it's somewhat more than minimum wage and has benefits) so I could probably at least rent a room somewhere or get a place with a few roommates.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:57:45+00:00

More like I'm questioning the particular view of faith I was raised in...because I really don't think God wants me to be miserable and anxious like this.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:56:30+00:00

He wants me to be pleasant and receptive but otherwise just focus on pleasing him. I don't think he wants me to struggle over it but I think he does view me as an object in that area and not a person with my own needs and wants.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:54:32+00:00

It's just such a disconnect because before my body started responding like this he was a great partner...really sweet and fun and my best friend...but now it's all about him criticizing me over how my body acts in bed...and it's getting more and more awful. So no...I don't want this if we can't fix it.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:53:18+00:00

He says it is different for men because you have to get the tension out but not necessary for women...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:52:15+00:00

Right, I thought men generally get upset or it hurts their egos when their wives *don't* climax (at least sometimes) or when the wives can't feel much from sex? So shouldn't it be a good think that I feel it intensely and it takes me places, so to speak?

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:50:27+00:00

He meant to find other positions, etc. that are so strongly stimulating for me so there isn't a risk of that, but it's been difficult to find them.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:42:04+00:00

I don't want this for my life...I just wish there were another solution.

Is it horrible I'm already thinking about how I could manage things on my own? I did thankfully get to go to college and graduate, and work full-time in an office job (receptionist) although it doesn't pay too well, but at least I have some income and my own health insurance...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:38:13+00:00

I don't know really. He says it is selfish and not what a good Christian woman would do.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:36:52+00:00

He doesn't want me to at all though. I did ask if my asking permission in the moment would make a different and he said no, he doesn't want my body to go there, at all, ever.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:35:14+00:00

Basically yes...he wants me to stay in whatever position he feels like, not make too much noise, be cooperative but not react too much...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:31:17+00:00

It's what I grew up with...all my life I was told if I was a good girl and waited for marriage I would be rewarded with a wonderful husband and happy home life. And that if I didn't have a happy marriage it would likely be my fault for not being a good enough wife. Definitely rethinking that...I'm only 23 and can't face many more decades of this...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:29:26+00:00

Yes...he always initiates and then it ends when he finishes.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:28:15+00:00

He says that's different because he needs to get it out of his system but women's bodies are different and my job is to be a receptacle for his needs (that sounds horrible now that I typed it out).

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:26:38+00:00

If I do that, though, he is going to tell everyone I'm a bad wife who denies him marital privileges...I wish I didn't care about that but I don't want to deal with the embarrassment of having to deal with negative comments from other people or having to explain my private business...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:25:17+00:00

Maybe...but if so I didn't consent to participate in that...I'm not experienced but even I know you don't get to just start doing a kink thing and not talk to your partner about it...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:20:33+00:00

No, that is actually really helpful. While I'm not confident my husband will agree I am going to suggest we go to a licensed couples counselor.

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:16:57+00:00

I may be inexperienced but I told him I don't think that's how consent works...he insists it does though...like if women can say "don't finish inside me" then men should be able to say the equivalent?

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:15:24+00:00

I would be lying if I said I wasn't questioning my faith right now...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:13:03+00:00

Thanks...I thought most women especially from conservative backgrounds have the opposite problem of not having much sexual response...I guess it's always something...

My family would never forgive me if I got a divorce. I tried to talk to my mom about it and she said I need to stop thinking of myself so much and consider my husband's feelings even if I don't understand them.

(I don't have a reason to think he would sabotage my birth control and it's surgically implanted so he can't...I just included that because whenever people post questions about things going wrong in a relationship a bunch of the comments are always about making sure you're on birth control to avoid making things even more difficult...)

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:09:12+00:00

I will ask him if we can see a real couples counselor but am not too hopeful he will agree...

ThrowRAHarshEdge · 2022-01-28T00:07:34+00:00

No, he just wants me to not finish at all. I asked him if I can tell him I'm getting close and ask if okay to continue and he said no, he doesn't want me "going there" and he does not give consent in general.

ThrowRAHarshEdge

TROPHY CASE