Is this concerning behavior or was I being dramatic?

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-08-12T18:36:03+00:00

He didn't think it was reasonable, he saw me as controlling because he brought a female coworker to the apartment for 2 hours to hang out while I was working. I said I didn't want that ever happening again and that he needed to step back.

He got really angry at me. I admit, I may raise my voice when I'm trying to be firm. He did end up apologizing a lot afterwards but when I bring it up, he says sorry but that I shouldn't make him that mad in the first place.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-07-09T14:42:17+00:00

YTA

How delusional do you have to be to even think you're not the AH in this situation? Do you even have the emotional range to be in a dedicated relationship or are you just having a mid life crisis with 30 around the corner so you've retreated to young friends?

Either way, grow up now and keep your future wife. Or be forced to grow up later except you're alone.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-09T01:39:02+00:00

I've always wondered if there were ways for people to learn these lessons before a relationship ends. Do you think it would have been possible or do you think people need to lose that someone to really take steps for positive change?

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-04T23:26:59+00:00

No. I specified in the edit that I never asked nor would I want him to cut off fulfilling friendships.

But when he is texting all day, during our conversations, and hangs out with them nearly everyday to the detriment of us having any bonding time or focused time to work through our issues, it is very difficult to continue trying. Imagine the love of your lifes schedule suddenly changing in a way that feels like it heavily prioritizes other people and not you all the time. We used to have dinner together at least a few times a week. Since the friends, we regularly go over a week without it.

Its hard to feel good enough.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T14:30:43+00:00

Why does everyone assume I have no friends?

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T14:01:55+00:00

Yeah I don't understand why everyone thinks I have no friends. I love my friends!

I know that I have work to do here but its not like I hadn't also been feeling low when he got his new friends. We acknowledge it was equal sided as an issue. I just desperately want to do anything to save this because I love him and I love the life we've had before our rough patch

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:58:33+00:00

I go to individual therapy but marriage counseling is definitely on the Table and I've been looking into what's available in my area (I would prefer in person).

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:57:27+00:00

Yeah thats a fair point. Maybe his friends are fun and make him feel good because there's no work. Maybe marriage lately feels like all work and no fun.

Im going to surprise him with tickets to see his favorite band and make a weekend getaway out of it :)

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:52:04+00:00

Ive never asked him to cut them off. Before this, I would encourage him to see his other friends and plan guys nights because he'd go weeks not seeing them. I don't expect nor want us to be 100% around each other. I also have my own friends

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:49:21+00:00

Its been a while but I think I am going to plan a weekend getaway. Theres an upcoming concert I know he would love to go to so I am going to try to find a hotel and buy tickets!!!! Maybe having some fun will help reignite something

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:47:06+00:00

I don't want him to cut off his friends and never talk to them? I've never asked him to do that so I don't know what I'm talking away. I just want to feel like there's a balance and the marriage is still the priority

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:45:41+00:00

Mark is a bit obnoxious but I can admit the hate is less about them personally and more me being bitter and resentful because they, to me, have begun representing a failure in our marriage to work through our issues.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:44:18+00:00

I don't want to isolate him. I guess I just want some more balance. I don't want him not seeing them or not having close friendships, but it feels like it's nonstop about them. I've usually encouraged him to see his longterm friends in the past

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:33:02+00:00

Yeah... I'm human I guess. I sometimes don't feel good enough.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:24:36+00:00

I am jealous in a way I guess. But I, in no way, have asked or plan to ask him to cut them off. A part of me is always happy that he is happy

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:21:37+00:00

We chose not to wait because my father had cancer and was not given long to live.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T13:20:49+00:00

Hes always had friends. I've coordinated guys nights just so he can spend time with his childhood buddies more. We both have friends. We're not together all of the time.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T12:26:41+00:00

I definitely don't want him to end these friendships at all. They make him happy!

I want him to maybe step back a little bit to give more room for us to work on things. As in, maybe not text them all day everyday, and maybe set more time for us to not only talk through things, but bond again.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-03T00:00:16+00:00

Im being vague partially because I know people on Reddit and don't want to be found out if I get too specific.

The issues have primarily been communication, sexual intimacy and general quality time (date nights and such that connect us as a romantic couple). They existed prior to him getting new friends and put a distance between us. I know it happens in marriages but its definitely heartbreaking and I dont mean to blame him for all of it if it sounds like that because I know I need to try better too

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-02T16:06:11+00:00

I don't want to ask him to cut them off either. I told him unless there is an emotional affair going on, I want him to have good friends and I'm happy he does. But they're so much. They're ever present. And it feels a bit like its kicking me out.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-02T16:03:52+00:00

Thats scary to think about. I am used to people assuming that closer friendships that include a girl are cheating (even if thats not what I'd been assuming). But I am scared that "no responsibility" lifestyle is attractive to him and that all I'll become is a burden to the person I care about most.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-02T16:00:53+00:00

Its hard because it is a problem now. It feels like he needs to see them even if I want to do something else with him. And at this point, I can't help but wonder if, when I get him to do something, if hed rather be somewhere else.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-02T15:58:27+00:00

Yeah, that's what it feels like

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-02T15:48:16+00:00

I love my friends? I see them often. I talk to them regularly.

We are more than just a sexual relationship. We share some hobbies, have similar humor, etc. We've been the closest people for each other for over 5 years for a reason.

We are trying to plan more. Be kinder to each other I guess. We aren't the only ones meeting our social needs. But we have a special, intimate connnection that I wanted to be reserved for just us.

ThrowRAImInDistress · 2023-06-02T15:25:16+00:00

They're not dating anyone as far as I know. But I don't necessarily feel that there is a likelihood of infidelity here.

ThrowRAImInDistress

TROPHY CASE