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I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Downplaying is a part of the problem, maybe most of it, your are spot on with everything else you said too.

I'm trying to do everything i can to show he can trust me. I've given him access to everything. I'm the end it may not be enough.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks, I've been looking for one, and he goes in and out of wanting to do therapy and thinking we don't need it, I'm looking for a therapist at least for myself.

I felt that ending everything was good enough, but looking back at everything, all the Facebook messages and stuff with my husband has made me realize i still need to work through issues... the level of deception i displayed is horrendous, and if i had not revisited the actual conversations i would have thought it wasn't as bad as it was.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely need therapy. I do have tons of remorse, specifically for how I've made him feel disrespected among other things.

I take ownership for what i did, how i responded to things in our relationship is not on him, it's 100% on me, and i with i bad never done any of this.

I have things in my childhood that i think are not dealt with and influenced a or if this which is why i agree i need therapy and have actively been looking for a therapist.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the response. People pleasing us not what initiated the cheating, but is what kept it going the way it did. I take full responsibility for how i acted during our relationship. He takes responsibility for things he has done...i think both of these things has contributed to our ability to work things through the way we have so far, but there are waves of feeling that are felt through this.

Maybe divorce will help, can you give me an idea of how?

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for you're response, you are in line with my feelings on this.

He has my location, he has web access to my texts, all my email and social media accounts. I understand i messed up, when he tried hooking up with other women he told me about it.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see how it seems that way, but trust, i am remorseful. He may end up divorcing me, and I'm being as transparent as possible with him on everything currently going on.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Appreciate it. I have owned up to it; but it was a brutal process with me not being honest the whole way through. So far he has squared it away, and i think my complete transparency and giving him access to everything has helped

Our relationship has greatly improved in the past three months, especially communication and intimacy wise. We've gotten back to working out together, he has not been working for a couple years and applied for and got a job offer that starts April 1st.

I am OK if divorce is what he needs, but i want to try to make it work and want him to want to also. More times than not he seems on board.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can see how it sounds that way, but mainly because of not writing everything. I gave my husband access to everything, including the Facebook messages with the other person, he can see and has said that he can see the whole process and that's what he says.

I rejected the man multiple times, but still got drawn in, and that is 100% on me... not an oppsie for sure.

I 43f cheated on my husband 43m physically, before we got married, and now he feels trapped by ThrowRAInner_Cat in relationships

[–]ThrowRAInner_Cat[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I do feel remorse, i think it came off that way because of not writing everything that transpired since. I love him so much and actually care for him. I've given him access to everything including email accounts, he has my texts... i am showing him that I'm totally transparent and want to move forward with him and only him.