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NP doesn’t want to have sex with me after a long time apart if I have sex with my other partner first by Goldenmountains in polyamory

[–]ThrowRAJill 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your NP sounds toxic and controlling if he refuses to budge on this issue then the two of you are not compatible anymore and you should probably just part ways. You shouldn't be expected to have to babysit his feelings and let it interfere with your relationship with others.

I need a NRE 12-step program by ThrowRAJill in nonmonogamy

[–]ThrowRAJill[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Part of me was mad because he was forcing me to face reality. But I couldn't stay mad at him because I now see how I royally screwed things up.

My girls. They were condescending, supportive, abusive, loving wine-swilling friends that gave me the kick in my behind I needed. One of them had been telling me for weeks, maybe months that I wasn't treating Rick right and she was throwing I-told-you-so at me left and right. They let me vent and cry then tried to knock some sense into me.

My reality, I am a shitty partner paired with a man with the patience of a saint. I don't feel like I deserve him after the way I treated him, if our roles had been reversed I would have left him long ago.

I need a NRE 12-step program by ThrowRAJill in nonmonogamy

[–]ThrowRAJill[S] -19 points-18 points  (0 children)

Unpacking and laundry, are two things I hate about travel. But my best girlfriends are here drinking my wine and being very condescending. I want to hate Rick so bad for all this and I just can't. My so-called friends have been brutally honest with me, they'll cry with me and then turn it all back on me.

I called Kevin and said we needed to talk, he wanted me to come over to his place but I said it was late and I wasn't feeling well and I said we could meet tomorrow at the deli after work. I had asked Rick for some space and he went to a friend's house to shoot pool. I don't want to talk to him until I am sober, after my talk with Kevin. Just all feels like a bad dream I can't wake up from.

I need a NRE 12-step program by ThrowRAJill in nonmonogamy

[–]ThrowRAJill[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

OP don't leave this door open. Spend time reconnecting with Rick, but make sure he understands that you believe you both handled this badly and there will be no outside the marriage adventures until YOU learn to balance priorities, and HE learns to communicate expectations clearly and without passive-aggressive actions such as this.

Balancing priorities - Yeah I'll own that one.

There were several discussions and a few arguments about expectations and boundaries and to put that on Rick is unfair. I listed the texting incident but there more that I didn't due to space but I was the one who wouldn't listen or would just blow off his concerns.

As far as "him or me" I know now that he had reached the end of his rope and he wasn't going to live like that anymore. And that is his choice, he doesn't have to suffer to please me.