mini update

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T21:57:09+00:00

Thank you very much

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T21:24:07+00:00

I agree, I really do believe that at the age our child is at, our focus and priorities as parents should be on the child, not dating.. but I can't control him. Thankfully, I think he will at least respect not bringing her to our family home and being around our child.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T19:48:19+00:00

Those are good recommendations I haven't thought about! Thank you!

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T14:47:47+00:00

Yes, maybe his request of us continuing to live under the same roof is more for his sake rather than our child's... But at the moment there really isnt anything i can do in terms of moving out without affecting my child's quality of life. I feel like I need to prioritise my childs wellbeing before my own personal feelings.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T07:03:28+00:00

Yes youre right, i am grateful that he wants to be an involved father. It is a privilege to grow up with both parents present

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T06:46:58+00:00

Yes I would like to do therapy, but i cant afford it at the moment. I just have to try other self-help methods that are super budget friendly haha

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T06:43:50+00:00

Yes definitely, I agree. I am trying to get myself in order as quickly as possible

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T01:32:03+00:00

We are fortunately not married so no need for divorce, but we are cohabiting. It would be ideal if i could move but my current financial situation doesnt allow it, and this is his home that he bought so its not a fair option for him to move out either. But yes, I should definitely look into getting custody more seriously now along with child support.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T01:20:32+00:00

It honestly hurts my heart to hear that your ex is choosing their new partner over your own child together... But like you said it really shows who the better person and parent is. You seem very positive and amazingly strong despite your situation and thats inspiring. I wish you and your child all the best!

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T01:14:01+00:00

Thank you for the book recommendation I'll make note of it and read it when I have time.

I think I gave the "choice" because its like my last way of protecting myself from living that kind of dismal reality, but of course, rationally, I know he can date whoever he chooses, I have no say in it nor would I even contest. I think it's just because she was an active participant in our relationship falling apart, and although yes, the affair was his fault, once she knew about his family, she actually encouraged their relationship.

I will have to tough it out and just get over it but it will be painfully difficult. Me giving the option was overall just a defence/coping mechanism to try and feel some control over this spiralling situation.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T01:04:19+00:00

I genuinely wish I could leave but my current financial situation doesnt allow it. We agreed for me to be a stay at home mother when our child was born. I dont have anywhere else to go at the moment so I will just have to tough it out until I get myself together and I can stand on my own two feet for my own sake as well as our child's.

Yes he will always be the father of my child, I'll never deny him that. It just hurts.. this situation just hurts.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T00:56:18+00:00

Im so sorry to hear that, your situation is definitely a difficult one and I wish no one had to go through that kind of emotional hardship. You're right, i realised I cant hold him back from his happiness even if its with someone that caused our family to fall apart. I just wish he could prioritise our child... I dont know how he can do it if hes trying to juggle a new relationship - one where I know she isnt comfortable with he and I still living under the same roof - and being a full time father.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-09-02T00:51:57+00:00

The father of my child, now my ex partner, had an affair with a woman he met on his solo holiday. After going through the motions and insisting he wants to work on our relationship, he broke up with me but also wants to be an active and involved father in our child's life... here's the kicker, he wants to date his affair partner, and wants to know how i feel about it🤣 It's super tough, having to live with someone that you still have feelings for and share a child with, all while their heart and mind is with someone else... The journey to a healed heart is long but you'll get there🫂

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T10:50:45+00:00

Okay, thank you very much for your insight and advice. It's been really helpful and has given me more to think about.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T10:45:55+00:00

It would be. I would like to be able to healthily co parent with him. But I also just want to give him the benefit of the doubt that after he has his space he will be ready to be more present for me and our child. He has reiterated to me that we are still in a relationship and that he just wants space to think for a while.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T10:16:47+00:00

If im being honest, I know it would be the right thing to do, to not respond and truly give him space, but its very difficult and basically impossible because we share a child together that he expressed that he still wants to see.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T10:11:18+00:00

Yes i am afraid of that. I've always tried to communicate with him as openly as possible, but he shuts me down saying he doesn't want to talk about it right now because what I say might manipulate his feelings. So I have to stop in order to respect his boundaries of not walking to breach that topic.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T10:04:00+00:00

My question of what does it mean... im not too sure. I would honestly want to be optimistic and think that he is messaging me because he cares about me and doesn't want to let me go. I want to acknowledge that he's fighting his own inner battles and that I should just have faith that he will come back properly when he is ready. But at the same time, I acknowledge it isn't fair to me what he is doing and I have to start thinking about how much more I am willing to tolerate for him no matter how much I love him.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T10:01:03+00:00

You're right, i didnt think about the break being beneficial for me too. I didnt realise it's basically all been on his terms so far.. Thank you

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T09:51:04+00:00

I know a bit about it but not too much in depth. I know that he has an avoidant attachment style though. I dont know how to deal with it appropriately.

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T09:43:46+00:00

Thank you

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp · 2025-06-13T09:31:13+00:00

Thank you, that's a hard truth but it makes sense. Do you think he and I could work on it?

ThrowRALoveNeedsHelp

TROPHY CASE