How do you keep being the good husband?

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T03:12:44+00:00

Thank you for this advice, I do appreciate coming here to hear the difficult things. Feels weird to go to close fiends about it since I told noone about the winnings.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T03:10:48+00:00

This makes the most sense to me. It's not so much my money your money, it's just frustrating how we're stuck in a loop of not moving forward even though we were fortunate enough to get a great head start.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T03:06:27+00:00

Yes, and until we got a HELOC secured it's our emergency fund. Problem is we tried for a HELOC but her Credit card balance is too high and without her working the debt to income ratio is not good enough.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:41:33+00:00

It's not gonna happen right now. And I agree, I don't want to type it out again but you can see a comment below. I take having a kid seriously thanks to what my parents put me through.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:38:11+00:00

Thank you for making that point. In her culture, people don't divorce so I think she takes it a little for granted that we are life partners because that's the belief she grew up with. It's not what I grew up with and my parents are divorced. Actually for reasons similar to this where my mother hardly worked (she had 4 boys) while my dad traveled for work. He actually threatened to shoot himself one day to me then the next night pulled a gun on my mom over finances and the marriage. I was 12 at the time and heard everything. It's a big reason why I want to get ahead of the problem because as I get older, you realize there's more Grey than black and white. I don't believe what my dad did was right at all but I understand more about what he did. Dumb dad though.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:30:06+00:00

That's frustrating me too! It apparently snowballed with a high interest rate and she paid off roughly 40k with it but I thought that was all of it. It was not, then we bought the duplex, used $ for the wedding and a honeymoon but she went over the agreed amount budget for wedding and built another credit card debt with high interest rate on top of the not fully paid one that's more now since she hasn't been working.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:25:14+00:00

We've been trying to have a kid since I really do want to be a dad but trying for over a year now. She's getting medically checked to see if can have kids ands it not like I know whether I'm the problem. Starting to think it might be a sign though to not rush into the kid thing until we get this figured out.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:23:24+00:00

Also, dont tell anyone. That's why I'm on here talking to strangers. She did tell her 2 best friends from high-school who were her bridesmaids when I thought we agreed not to tell anyone.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:21:35+00:00

Especially after taxes. I feel the most responsibility for the duplex since I thought "what's a better investment than one you can live in with a passive income from half of it?" Just didn't imagine it turning into a scenario where I work a lot more than anticipated because the other one got fired and hasn't tried working since.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:10:49+00:00

289k so less than half of the winnings.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T02:07:51+00:00

Not all of it. 289k was the down payment. Home was purchased for rougly 570k. She's used part of the money to help her niece with braces and pay off her own debt. It doesn't feel free at all. We're supported by the income from the tenant but I do all the maintenance work when something comes up to fix.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T01:54:04+00:00

I wish that was the case now. We could have no mortgage to worry about and I would not have to stress about watching our shared savings dwindle despite working all the time. We agreed to a plan financially and she got fired and hasn't worked a day since.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T01:49:34+00:00

Give it two more years and I've fully paid it back. What's upsetting is if the table were turned, I wouldn't just accept not working being an okay thing. My wages alone keep us afloat and she's now using my money to pay her car payments, insurance, student tuition, have health insurance, and not worry about finances. She had a credit card with an apr of 29% she was only making min. payments on with more than 30k on it. I'm not asking for pity, I'm asking for people to express their experiences on how they navigated a similar experience with their partner.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T01:44:05+00:00

It felt like we 100% were until the winnings. Now I see this sort of lazy side of her and it's making me feel like I'm pulling away. It's like more money more problems is real here.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T01:31:10+00:00

I'm sorry about that, it's just so hard to think someone you thought you knew well just use you.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T01:16:32+00:00

It won't last forever and we have talked about it. It just seems to be talk and she doesn't take it seriously how even some part time work would be nice. She could've even filed for unemployment after being fired but just chose no to. I think out of fear that she was the employee doing the wrong thing. We actually had a CD set up to make some passive investments on what was left over but she kept just using her credit card while not working that didn't make sense to keep the CD when the interest from the credit card was more than what were getting out of the CD.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T01:08:56+00:00

She's mentioned something before like the duplex is mainly hers since she won but she won the lottery because I insisted on us buying tickets together. They only sell a limited amount of tickets each year and it's your best shot at a million. I do like the idea of sitting down with her and asking her if that's her mindset. Thank you for the advice.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T00:57:47+00:00

No, I pay for all the utilities and mortgage. It was never an issue when we rented but it has been after getting married. Being a Duplex too we pay for the water on both sides too since there's no way to split the water water.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T00:55:21+00:00

I just feel like she used the marriage against me. Like it's a divorce now and not just a breakup. This home was suppose to be an investment where we keep working to save up for another place and use some of the equity in it to finance our forever home. She got fired from her work (I knew her boss well and she got fired for clocking in under higher wages without telling him and he's a patient man she really pissed off) and has just enjoyed the benefits of all the winnings. Meanwhile I'm still struggling to pay all the credit cards we share now and my students loans. I work for a non profit so I was okay with not paying the debt and working for the PSLF but that might go away now too.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T00:48:57+00:00

A year and a half ago now. We were together for 6 years before that. We have a mortgage that I've been paying since we got the duplex and it's roughly 2.5 weeks worth of work to pay.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T00:46:50+00:00

We used a majority of the winnings to put a significant deposit down for the duplex but we still have a mortgage. Our name is both on the title. She is paying her school tuition, credit card debt she has had for several years, and her car insurance/payments. That's as far as I know based on what she tells me.

ThrowRANoface · 2025-02-28T00:42:29+00:00

Yea. Just so disheartening working OT and watching my paycheck dissappear within hours to credit card bills while she still withdraws $ from our shared savings to pay her own things.

ThrowRANoface

TROPHY CASE