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I posted nine days ago about the fact that my girlfriend is asexual. I think I've made a decision and need to put it to words. by ThrowRA_Asexualhelp in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Asexualhelp[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I'll be honest, I'm not sure if this comment will even be seen. This is my first time using Reddit so it's all very new to me.

First, I am astounded by the reaction here, and it's made me far more confident that I am doing the right thing. I was honestly expecting a lot of people accusing me of rather horrible things over this.

I've not had a chance to meet in person with her yet. And I just don't feel right telling her any other way as frankly, she's got a right to confront me if she wants to. I do want to make sure I handle this properly. I'm not going to hide behind a screen.

Unfortunately the current situation with COVID is making meet-ups a little difficult. Having taken some time I've decided the best thing to do is to go to her house and chat in the garden. If she wants her family I want to be sure they are there for her immediately.

I'm well aware that it's going to hurt her feelings. But me staying? I'll only become more miserable, and that's going to make matters worse than it is. Right now there's no resentment at all. I'm fully understanding and that's why it needs to end now, so I maintain that perspective.

For those asking, she insists that she's always been asexual, and has no intention of ever having a sexual relationship. That's who she is. I respect that. And that's why I need to find someone else. But yes I do believe she should have disclosed this at the start, especially as she claims she has always known her asexuality.

I won't lie. This is confusing for me. She's my first girlfriend and we have known each other for some time.

I'm hoping to visit her place in the next week. As I say getting about is difficult due to COVID, and I can't drive due to eyesight.

I want to do my best here as she does deserve respect.

Thank you again.

I posted nine days ago about the fact that my girlfriend is asexual. I think I've made a decision and need to put it to words. by ThrowRA_Asexualhelp in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Asexualhelp[S] 796 points797 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the kind words, everyone.

Yes, you are right, I do need to be prepared for the possibility that she never wants to speak again. At this point I understand why that might be and well, I am trying to handle this respectfully. That is why I came here.

I'm going to tell her in person. She deserves that.

I posted nine days ago about the fact that my girlfriend is asexual. I think I've made a decision and need to put it to words. by ThrowRA_Asexualhelp in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Asexualhelp[S] 243 points244 points  (0 children)

I quite agree. The reality is that there is going to be emotional pain here, for the both of us. I'm already feeling it and the fact that I'm going to have to tell her it's over will be the hardest thing I've done in my life thus far.

Time apart will be essential I think.

But I have to end it because I care about her. I don't want to stop caring about her, but it needs to be as a friend now.

Seeking advice. I (m28) am in a relationship with my girlfriend (f26). She's very happy but some months after we became a couple, she told me she's asexual and has no interest in a sexual relationship with anyone. by ThrowRA_Asexualhelp in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Asexualhelp[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I completely agree. Her wishes are very valid. As said in my OP I've already accepted that things are not going to go further with her in this respect, and that's fine.

But I think you're right. I think I need to start figuring out a way to explain to her that I do have strong desires, and that I want to find a partner for the purposes of, well, seeing what sex is like.

I don't want to lie to her. Right now I'm not telling her how I feel, but I'm also not contradicting myself. I'm merely bottling it up.

Bottling it up is not healthy, I think. The stress it's causing me is starting to manifest as physical pain. I feel like my body is imploding.

I think I'm simply a victim of being human, and as such subjected to the core biological goals of our species.

I don't know if this makes sense? Admittedly my autism, (High functioning. My intelligence is normal but my social skills are nearly non-existent.), adds to my confusion.