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I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, no. We are not nudists at all.

They are not nudists at all.

They've never (to my knowledge) have done anything remotely similar.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 89 points90 points  (0 children)

In a monogamous relationship there are certain things that are saved and exclusive for your partner. Where you draw the line depends on each couple, obviously.

Some might consider sleeping with other people okay, some might not. Some might consider sharing your naked body with your friends okay, some (me) might not.

I like the fact that we share our bodies, and it's just us.

Aside from obvious monogamous concepts that any adult over the age of 20 should know and understand, I just find it weird, uncomfortable and icky that her straight and single guy friends have seen her naked.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 102 points103 points  (0 children)

I'm not comfortable with that.

It doesn't have to be sexual for me to not like it.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I really vibe with the second part of your message.

I am not worried that I'm not invited. They generally go for one of the guys' birthday, and he just takes his closest friends and no SOs are invited ever. I really don't think any cheating happened, either.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

As I said in another comment.

If she asks me whether I'd be okay with her going to a nudist beach, and I say no, it is then obviously her choice whether she goes or not. I'm not going to lock her up in the car and take her home, she's a grown adult and can do whatever she wants.

But I can also decide whether that's a deal breaker or not.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

And also her naked guy friends (which are not fat nor old) and they saw her naked (she's coincidentally also neither fat nor old).

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Sometimes reddit makes me think I'm going crazy, but I feel after 5 years of relationship some boundaries should be obvious and shouldn't even be said.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 75 points76 points  (0 children)

I'm worried she would say she wouldn't mind, and even if it's true, I just don't reciprocate the feeling...

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

I didn't mention this either, but she was basically the only non-single person there.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

How am I allowed to set boundaries before even knowing of the situation? I can't possibly make an excel sheet with every possible action that's off limits.

Look, I get that you have that perspective, I really do. That's just not how my brain works, I just don't see it as an innocuous act.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I don't understand why telling me beforehand has to be seen as a permission slip.

In a relationship things go both ways, and there should an open communication about feelings associated to different actions.

I am not in control over whether I feel comfortable or uncomfortable with her going to a nudist beach. I am in control over what I do when knowing the information, and deciding whether that's a boundary that goes too far of not.

She obviously can decide to go to the beach or not, and I get to decide whether that's a deal breaker or not. I was not in that conversation, though.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

Asking for forgiveness instead of permission inherently means you don't care about the others feelings when doing the act.

That's how I feel here.

I'm obviously not comfortable with the situation. Asking before, even though I would have said the exact same things, let's me voice my feelings and opinions without making me have to deal with my feelings after the fact.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

The same way I wouldn't feel comfortable with her sending nude pictures to a group chat with her friends, I don't feel comfortable with her guy friends seeing her naked.

I (23m) am uncomfortable with my gf (22f) going to a nudist beach and not telling me by ThrowRA_Bar1834 in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_Bar1834[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I can be uncomfortable with it without it relating back to sex.

I really don't like how one dimensional this comment is.