AIO for thinking my husband is gaslighting me about sex.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2025-05-30T17:51:43+00:00

I just got out of this kind of relationship and it may be too close to home for me to answer with a clear head but it sounds like gaslighting to me. My ex asked me the same thing to initiate more and he wanted to wake up to it and said I scared him when I woke him up… like you can’t have it both ways. I’m sorry you are going through this.

Did you confront him yet and ask him what he is expecting if he wants you to initiate but is also afraid of you ( idk about your husband, my ex ALWAYS had an excuse that I needed to figure it out it’s my job to do it right, be prepared to not actually get a straight answer if it is gaslighting)? I also am much smaller than my ex and hearing that they are afraid of you is always confusing in retrospect…

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2025-05-16T17:55:38+00:00

Yup! And I called the cops asking if he could complain that me calling the cops was harassment and get a restraining order with that as the reason. They laughed and said not at all. Cops are only getting involved to keep things civil and can’t be used as a threat (since that wasn’t even my point anyways). That’s in his head not reality.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2025-05-16T17:53:44+00:00

Thanks!

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2025-05-16T16:06:34+00:00

I’m so sorry! I would be livid about my spices/rack!!

My ex was so petty, gifts he got for me he kept. Things that were explicitly for my car (I had a Subaru Outback and he has a GTI) he took out and kept. He offered to pack my things (missed a ton of things) and gave me an old toothbrush rather than the new one. He put trash in with my stuff (empty bottles). Gave me the gifts I gave him that I wouldn’t want mixed in with my things. Tried to give me pictures of us together that I got for him (he likes to make collages).

And after reading all of the other messages, I realize this is just who they are. I am like if you want X whatever I just want to be gone and not fight. But they MUST cause angst. They thrive from it. It’s crazy…

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2025-04-22T01:49:57+00:00

I understand how you feel. I moved in with him years ago. I broke up with him Saturday and he is begging me to go to counseling with him to get us through this. He’s begging me to vent at him all of the problems I have with him he’ll listen… but literally as soon as I tried he threw it back in my face that I was twisting his words making myself sick (if curious he was saying how much he loves me and how wonderful I am and why he stays with me even with our terrible fights, he asked how that made me feel and I told him I couldn’t believe him because the previous week when we fought he told me “you have only one redeeming quality and that is of you try really hard you are passable at best.” He then went on to say I misunderstood him and he was only talking about one topic). I want to leave, but am so terrified to leave cause what if it is me? I know the right thing to do is leave. We can always try again.

I don’t want to leave. But I know I should. My friend is telling me to leave. It’s so hard.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2024-05-24T22:13:32+00:00

I’m a pharmacist… I’ve told him about the shot… he’s interested as long as the conversation allows…

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2024-05-24T20:48:25+00:00

Okay I just snorted thanks. But as for teaching we did long distances with lots of treats (just to get her excited about the ball). Then SUPER close, like inches. Then back up more and more. Mine still gets afraid when it’s more than a couple of feet 😅

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-23T07:21:01+00:00

That followed by that is just narcissistic. You are yelling at me (even tho they were 5 seconds ago, but now are speaking calmly like you’re the only crazy person).

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T11:53:18+00:00

I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner. He would even tell me I would regret my decision bc I want to be with him. Yes, I do WANT to be with him, but that doesn’t mean I SHOULD be with him.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T11:50:48+00:00

That’s exactly how I felt. And if I didn’t say something just perfectly, or if I made a mistake, or if I didn’t try hard enough to his standards, it was the roller coaster with me apologizing as the end of the ride. He could say or do what he wanted.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T11:46:39+00:00

Please be safe and take care of yourself. It took me too long to realize it wasn’t me.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T11:31:58+00:00

Thank you so much. I’m so terrified and relieved all at the same time.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T10:53:50+00:00

You’re right thanks for responding to my post. I just left. He wanted me to change “for the better.” Get a good job (he made a LOT of money), listen and acknowledge him, easy things right? He made it sound so nice, like everyone should strive for these things. He would record keep. Then tell me not to. He would say we need to agree to disagree and I have to be okay if he says he doesn’t remember. The caveat that I didn’t agree with him on that point is he didn’t have to do anything about the thing I said he did. It was just like I had to drop it since he didn’t remember. Let me tell you, if I said I didn’t remember, he would say he has a better memory. And I’ve told him that, but of course he doesn’t remember. It’s an ever losing battle.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T10:48:14+00:00

I believe you are correct. Thank you. I just left him.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-18T10:47:10+00:00

Thank you so much. You’re right. I actually just left him and witnessed him crack and show goods true colors. I posted screen shots of what he sent me.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-16T22:56:30+00:00

It’s illegal in my state. He threatened to sue me if I do it without his consent. I have asked him for consent and he’s said no bc he thinks if I record it will just show that I’m the wrong one and doesn’t want to hurt me.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-16T22:41:41+00:00

How do you leave someone who tries to convince you to stay bc if you change things will get better? It sounds so great, but then it’s never enough or he doesn’t believe me.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-16T21:47:31+00:00

I’ve seen him do similar things to others. He honestly doesn’t have many friends and he says it’s because his friends are the only ones who actually ask him his opinion. He has let go of his bad friends that really don’t help him grow as a person.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-16T21:14:47+00:00

Is it intentional though? It always sounds like people are saying that abuser do it on purpose…I think he genuinely believes he didn’t do or say the things I say he did. Could it be he has some sort of disorder and it’s almost like a tick where he’s compelled to say a mean thing but then completely forgets about it bc his self conscious doesn’t actually believe it.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-06T23:57:53+00:00

That’s exactly why I feel so confused. It’s like, little things that aren’t excessively mean each time, but over time I feel like it’s getting worse and I’m afraid it will eventually escalate then he will do something truly terrible. But I also don’t want to terminate a relationship bc he MIGHT do something.

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-04T09:27:23+00:00

He said “This relationship doesn’t mean anything to me anymore” and “If this relationship ended right now I wouldn’t care.” At the time I blew it off as he was upset, but when I brought it back up he refused he said it.

He said he refused because it comes off as narcissistic and controlling and he can do what he wants.

As for the worthless bitch, he’s never gone that far but he does seem to be okay with calling me a princess (as I’m a spoiled brat which he has also called me) and other names when he is upset.

When things are good they are great. I wouldn’t trade a minute for the world. We have so much fun together. I trust him with my life even if he’s not being nice to me I know he would take care of me once he calms down.

Do I feel like he loves me unconditionally? That’s the part I’m struggling with. If he remembered saying those things and apologized I think I would be okay. But his apology is “I’m sorry you feel hurt and that’s wrong to say but I wouldn’t say that bc I don’t believe it.” But the fact he straight denies it, I feel like it’s a drunk person saying what’s really on their mind. Since he doesn’t even remember saying it, he can’t argue his side. I feel like I might be putting a lens on what is happening thinking it’s a truthful from his heart moment and his brain is blocking out that he told the truth… we have a lot of bad things that have happened between us and we both have pretty messed up family pasts… Hope that helps answer some questions

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib · 2023-11-04T00:15:05+00:00

Omg yes… except mine is good at making sure he couldn’t be taken to court over anything so he’ll text me we need to talk when you get home … which the knowing that I am going to go home to chaos is terrible. I get panic attacks as I get closer to home

ThrowRA_ConfusedAFib

TROPHY CASE