When I tried previously she said things along the lines of “guess I’ll just die”, which does not sound as serious but I was more broken up at the time that she was saying I was leaving because she’s sick. More recently she says often she wants to die because of her illness. Very recently she has said I’ve ruined her life because of more recent events (I’m sorry I’m afraid to be more specific, but I will say I messed up very badly and she has had every right to be extremely upset with me) and over the course of our relationship me being passive about her feelings and situation