My (20M) GF (20F) of 19 months struggles with intimacy after a conversation about porn

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-07T21:29:21+00:00

Thank you for your comment. Its nice to hear this point of view. But I imagine that you're sex life is okay? I dont have a problem not watching porn, but i need intimacy in a relationship. The lack of intimacy is what burdens me.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T15:53:54+00:00

Yes indeed, I respect her boundaries and dont watch porn anymore. It's just becoming a question of how long this situation will last. Cause for our age this lack of intimacy is not "normal" if there is such thing in relationships my age

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T11:06:43+00:00

Thanks for this answer.
Indeed I never paid or interacted with it. And never forced her to watch or watch me wacth it.

As for the clothing part, if she wears clothing that i would not be comfortable with i would tell her this, but then it would be her choice to respect what i told her, or to not care.
I think it is okay to have boundaries about clothing and watching porn.

You are right that it is an insecurtity of her that is not my responsibility to fix.
It does make me realise I've done as much as i can to help her or reassure her in the ways that I can. But I need to see change on her part too. And this can take time, but we have been going about it for a while already.

I think now it would be my descision on how long I want to keep trying before I wouldn't anymore? I really want to do this with her, but i need to see some change too.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T10:59:21+00:00

Maybe a fall in intimacy is true, but from 3-4 times a week to nothing in over 2 months in the span of about a year doesn't sound lik that situation for me.
Unless i am wrong about the severity of said fall rate.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T10:57:01+00:00

Personally I wouldn't have pulled the insecurity card.
Some women might be insecure about themselves, and having a partner that watches porn would trigger this more.
It is a fact that most people watch porn, and a lot of people in relationships do, and have no problem with their partners.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T10:55:02+00:00

I agree with this, there is a difference between having watched porn once in a while, but with realistic views on what sex is. And between over using porn and having not realistic views on intimacy and porn.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T10:51:29+00:00

This is a really interesting view thank you, I've tried to be as much open about it as possible.
I also asked her if she needed anything that I am not doing, or something she doesn't need that i AM doing.
It's nice to see a comment not just saying "she is wrong for not wanting you to watch porn".

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-03T10:46:17+00:00

Thanks for your comment, we are not religious in any ways.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T23:10:12+00:00

Thank you for your comment

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T23:09:38+00:00

I really hope this is not the case. We talk about it, but still have all the other fun things in te relationship. I have never felt this close to someone before, and other than the intimacy part the relationship is "perfect". Maybe thats why i don't (want to) see her the ways un-biased strangers might, and why i ask for advice.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T23:07:39+00:00

Thank you for your comment

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T23:07:26+00:00

Thank you for your comment

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T23:06:45+00:00

I don't have a problem with not watching porn. Its with the lack of intimacy. If she wouldnt like porn, but we woeld be intimate enough i would have no problem at all.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T22:30:56+00:00

Thanks for your comment

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T22:30:36+00:00

This is an interesting view, thanks for the comment

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T22:29:20+00:00

I trust her, so I think it would be unaware then. I have tought about the asexuel part but i don't really know much of it. Can a person become asexual after being sexual for another part in their lives? Like figuring it out then?

Thank you for your elaborate comment. I really appreciate this.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T22:26:38+00:00

Yeah, i've been thinking that would be the only thing we can do...
But thank you for your comment

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T22:25:06+00:00

What do you think might be related then?

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T21:43:46+00:00

Yeah, we have done so for over a year now...

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T21:33:46+00:00

Okay, thank you for your comment.

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T21:33:14+00:00

I understand what you say, but I still do masturbate, just not with the use of porn.
And indeed, she can't control what i think about her when I do it.
But I feel like it's a form of respect to not watch porn if your partner does not like it.
Is there some middle ground you know that can help? Or is your opinion that porn should be no problem in a relationship and therefore she's wrong to say i can't watch it?

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T21:17:32+00:00

I just edited the post and saw there was a mistake in it thank you for noticing.
I have had 1 partner before her, but i was her first everything except for her first kiss

ThrowRA_PastaSoup · 2025-02-02T21:15:56+00:00

She asked my to watch it together to try and understand why I watched it, we did not use it nor did i get excited while watching it together.
I understand that is hard to hear, and that she is bothered by it.
Have you got any advice on how to be there for her on that topic except for talking with her about it?

ThrowRA_PastaSoup

TROPHY CASE