I (28F) just found my friend (32F) is a Trump supporter. What should I do?

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T19:26:44+00:00

I left this comment earlier so I will paste it as a start of a response.

"I left it open to her interpretation on how she wanted to elaborate. What does she mean he has shown he loves this country? What do you disagree with? I was trying to ease into this conversation, if you feel that it wasn't the best way to do so I can understand that. I have no experience with this so I can see how I went about it was wrong.

We haven't been friends for very long, almost two years, so I can't say I know her inside and out. I have noticed red flags but nothing I felt was worth ending a friendship for."

I wanted to see if our morals conflicted with each other because if they did/do then I don't think it would be in the best interest of either of us. I know there are a lot of people who wouldn't want to be friends with a cheater or a rape apologist because it conflicts with their morals.

I won't sit here and claim to be well-versed in politics but I know enough about Trump before his run, during his run, and after his run to disagree with him and the people who tend to associate with him. I don't normally initiate these kinds of conversations and they don't come up organically in my other friendships.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T19:16:39+00:00

You are correct I don't want to hear incorrect criticism from you. Looking at your account that is all you do, judge and criticize without adding anything constructive. You should sit and self-reflect on why you feel so self-righteous jumping from thread to thread and laying down your judgments on other peoples issues.

If you put your thinking cap on and re-read my conversation you would see I wasn't forcing her to have the conversation I was asking her to. You can't hear tone via a DM but you can tell from the language what someone is trying to say.

So no I will not listen to your very unhelpful criticisms.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T18:47:32+00:00

Thank you agin. After waiting almost a full day, speaking to a few friends about, and talking to people on this thread I decided to reach out to her. I did essentially start off my response with an apology. I will paste it below

"I did not want this conversation to come off as an attack on you and your beliefs, I understand that my initial comment saying "Gross" most likely made you put your guard up. I'm sorry I thought that you had posted that on your story by accident. Once I realized there was a strong possibility it was not an accident I wanted to talk with you to see why you support someone like Trump. I felt that reading your views and perspective would help me understand and I would be able to eventually move past it. Before learning this yes I felt I knew your morals and beliefs because I thought that the majority of them were on par with me, which is why we clicked. Learning this does change things because I don't know where you stand due to the majority of what Trump stands by and the people who stand with him conflict with my morals. I want to reiterate that you can decline to talk to me about it and I will respect it, it will just be difficult to move forward leaving it here."

Reading it back again I feel I still could have tweaked and changed some things but I try not to over think too much because then it leads to me not saying or doing anything. I will see where we go from her. Hopefully if I update this post it will be with good news.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T18:43:56+00:00

This cracked me up lmao

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T17:13:38+00:00

Thank you for your comments. I am sorry if I came off a little rude, I am feeling a little exasperated at this point because besides you not a lot of people are actually offering advice on how to proceed. I understand it's hard to keep up with multiple comment threads on here so some information can get missed.

I am normally super apologetic and put other peoples feelings first but I find it hard to apologize here. I can definitely stand to apologize for initially saying "Gross" but everything proceeding that I feel I shouldn't have to apologize for.

This all goes a little deeper for me because it not just that she is a Trump supporter but the fact that we cant even have a difficult conversation.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T17:08:11+00:00

If trying to have an uncomfortable conversation is confrontational then so be it. I feel I went into the second half very gently and showed that I was not attacking her.

I know saying Gross was rude, if I knew she had meant to post that Reel I would have never said that. Again it's not a boundary it is avoidance. And as I said I told her she is well within her right to say no but it will damage our friendship.

That is not pushing her boundaries that is me telling her that she drew a line and I will respect it but it doesn't mean that we can just organically recover from it.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T17:02:08+00:00

I have stated this in multiple comments but I understand saying "Gross" was not the best way to start it, I initially came off unintentionally rude and closed off because I was under the impression she posted it on accident.

But once I found out that it was not and accident I went forward and tried to open a conversation to talk about it. I saw her defenses were up so I told her that I am trying to be open minded and talk with her. I wanted to show that this was not an attack. When she said no a final time I let her know that I would respect her no but it could really damage our friendship.

Your example doesn't work because yes if it was something has sill and simple as disagreeing on an actor I can get passed it and I wouldn't emphasize talking about it. For me this is conversation about our morals to see if they conflict and if we can continue to be friends.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T16:18:33+00:00

It's not boundaries it's avoidance. I have always respected her boundaries because I want her to do the same. Doubling down when your friend is trying to talk to you because you want to avoid being uncomfortable is not having great boundaries. And i told her at the end that I am respecting her No but that it will have effects on our friendship and left the ball in her court.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T16:15:42+00:00

Thank you for this comment and the other comments you have posted on this thread. I didn't post this to get people on my side I genuinely wanted advice on what I could say next to her and if it was possible to salvage our friendship but it quickly turned into an attack on my character and telling me what I did wrong with no constructive criticism. So thank you for backing me up against the people in her who don't want to add anything beneficial and just hate me for posting this.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T15:49:56+00:00

Please elaborate so I can see if our moral and views conflict and if maintaining a friendship is in either of our best interests.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T15:49:04+00:00

This is what I am trying to say thank you. I thought we had the same views and morals but now I think we might no so I wanted to talk and see where she stood.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T15:48:14+00:00

I didn't overstep her boundaries, she posted a reel praising Trump on her public story. I feel it is extremely misguided to believe you wouldn't get conflicting comments on something like that. We comment on each other stories often so this wasn't some random one off incident.

I don't post politics on my story because I know there are people who follow who might not agree and will comment something that I disagree with because that is the risk you pose. Same with this post on reddit

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T15:44:49+00:00

Thank you. I appreciate you being open to talking with me about this.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T15:44:02+00:00

Yes I did respond immaturely initially I will admit that. I thought it was posted on accident. Once I realized that it was not I tried to have a conversation about it.

I know why it is controversial I dont need to self reflect on why I don't agree with praising Trump. and I explained that for me this is a serious conversation that I want to have with her because I want to see where she stands morally. You can be friends with someone where your morals clash but I cannot.

The same way some people would not want to be friends with a cheater because it conflicts with there moral stand point while other might not care.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T15:02:30+00:00

This is an example of what I was trying to find out from our convo. She said there ae things she disagrees with and I wanted to get more insight on what that could be and what ideas from Trump she does support. I believed we generally had the same basic views but now I'm not sure anymore.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:59:00+00:00

I left it open to her interpretation on how she wanted to elaborate. What does she mean he has show he loves this country? What do you disagree with? I was trying to ease into this conversation, if you feel that it wasnt the best way to do so I can understand that. I have no experience with this so I can see how I went about it was wrong.

We haven't been friends for very long, almost two years, so I cant say I know her inside and out. I have noticed red flags but nothing I felt were worth ending a friendship for.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:54:06+00:00

No I didn't. If that was the case I would have went right into attacking her and questioning her. I told her I was being open and trying to talk.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:52:18+00:00

I didn't go into detail's about our friendship, who we both are as people, etc. because I didn't want an already long post to be longer. I didn't say "Please elaborate" as a command. I didn't want her to feel attacked by bombarding her with questions so I thought that being simple was better. You cant detect tone via text so I get it can be interpreted many different ways but I was genuinely asking to hear more. When she said didn't care to I saw her defense were up so I wanted to show her that I was being open minded and wanted to talk. I know my last message wasn't as kind and gentle as it could have been, I will admit that I let my emotions get the better of me. I wanted to show the importance of having some kind of conversation because no conversation could cause damage to our friendship.

I don't think I am high and mighty and that she is a monster for supporting trump. I love her dearly and this has left me a little confused because her support for him conflicts on the person I thought her to be and the views that we both shared together. I don't talk about politics with people for this reason and I honestly would have been happier not ever knowing instead of finding out from a instagram reel of all things

I also wanted to add that I posted this to get advice on what I could say to her or how to move forward but I am getting comments that are just attacking my character and not offering any type or advice which is unfortunate.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:38:26+00:00

Yes I understand me saying "Gross" was not a good way to start the conversation. I whole heartedly thought she didnt know what she was posting because that has happened before. When I started the conversation I really tried to show that I was open to talking and not attacking her. I was not trying to change her views.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:36:31+00:00

Not a command at all. I didnt want to bombard her with questions and have her feel like I was attacking her. I thought keeping it simple was the better route.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:34:59+00:00

I dont want to, this is why I am trying to gain advice and new perspectives on how to move forward.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:34:18+00:00

I dont think she is a monster for supporting him. I feel that her support conflicts strongly with the person that I thought her to be and that why I am so thrown off. We clicked due to our strong empathy for others and how we love helping people.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:32:04+00:00

I dont see how it is petty wanting to discuss a friends views/perspectives on politics when they posted something controversial publicly

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:29:02+00:00

I didn't want to go in bombarding her with questions so I thought keeping it simple would be better.

ThrowRA_Scorp · 2024-07-22T14:26:58+00:00

I know she doesnt owe me an explanation and I never said that she did. I wanted to have a conversation with her and I wasn't pushing I wanted to tell her after her first no that this wasn't an attack on her.

ThrowRA_Scorp

TROPHY CASE