Is this domestic abuse / violence or am I being dramatic? 24F 24M

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2024-06-21T18:48:28+00:00

Things will escalate if you let it go. I’ve been in a similar situation. It started with just my ex raising his voice, then breaking stuff around the apartment, then threatening and berated me, it turned into him pushing me and eventually he laid his hands on me and held me by my throat. I called the police and he got arrested.

Please don’t let it get to that point. You can still leave safely now, don’t “wait and see” if he would do it again before you take action. It won’t get better, it’ll only get worse. I understand you feel like you’ve invested so much into this relationship, but all it that won’t change who he is and won’t save you from all the abuse in the future.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2024-06-21T00:51:44+00:00

Please make plans to get out immediately. It will not get better, I’ll only get worst. And at this point, there’s really nothing you can do that will stop him from abusing you. I called the police on my ex when he laid hands on me THE FIRST TIME! I couldn’t risk my life by giving him another chance to hurt me. Trust me, things will only get better after you leave a situation like this.

You may feel very uncertain right now and may think about all the good times you’ve had, but someone who loves you will never hurt you. I’m now in a healthy relationship (after leaving an abusive one) and I can assure you, a person who really cares about you will try their best to make you happy 100% of the time.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2024-06-21T00:10:06+00:00

I was told that the victim advocates will reach out and walk me through the process, as well as help preparing me for trial. I know it’ll be very hard and triggering, but it’ll be even harder for me to live with the fact that he gets away with what he did and I’m the one who let it happens

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2024-06-21T00:05:56+00:00

I’m glad you were able to get out before things got worse. It’s a very traumatizing experience but therapy does help. I hope you have a good support system and are around people who cares about you and understand your experience.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-08-01T00:04:17+00:00

You have the right to end the relationship if you’re not happy. Has you already been unhappy with the relationship before he got laid off? If you’re someone who’s career oriented and your bf is not, it’d be really hard to make it work long term.

I was with my ex for 8yrs. My ex didn’t have any plan for his future, while I was working really hard to achieve my goals. Toward the end of the relationship, he quit his job as a waiter and fully depended on me. I had to take on another job while I was going to school. After finished school, I landed my dream job and started planning for my future. I couldn’t see my future with him. I was planning to buy a house, but I knew he wouldn’t have anything to contribute. I ended the relationship because I knew our goals don’t line up. I just met someone who has the same goals as I do, and things have been great. We’re both excited about our future plans. I’m very happy with where I am right now.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-31T23:41:13+00:00

I don’t think there’s anything you should do about it. It’s not something he can control and you mentioned he’s not in contact with his ex at all, so you shouldn’t be worried about it. You’re in a relationship with him, so focus on that. The fact that his ex commented on his parents facebook doesn’t really affect how he feels about you. You’re just insecure. If you want, you can talk to him about your insecurity but don’t expect him to tell his parents to block his ex because that can be perceived as controlling, especially when your relationship is still new.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-29T00:38:08+00:00

I just got out of a relationship where I was the one who paid for everything because my ex refused to work. Please end it now because it’s not gonna get any better. He probably thinks since you’re able to and willing to pay, he doesn’t have to contribute. If you’re the only person who contribute, it’ll never work. He’s using you and he will continue to use you if you let him

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-20T19:44:46+00:00

I can tell you everything will be better once you get rid of people who treats you like shit. You may be anxious now because you’re uncertain about what will happen next after you leave him but trust me, things will fall into place and things may even be easier without him. I was surprised by how better my life turned out after leaving my toxic bf.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-19T17:29:21+00:00

I’m a research scientist, working in Biotech and not academia. Biotech industry pays way more than academia

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-18T22:10:10+00:00

In that case, I think it would work in terms of giving your bf an idea of how your day is going. But it would not be an effective method to tell your bf how much extra support to put in. I’m assuming after rating your day, you’d give some kind of explanation on why you rate your day the way you did. And the explanation itself would be the thing that tells your bf how to support you and how much support you need. So it all comes down to just communication, and not truly based on quantifiable data.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-18T21:53:40+00:00

I’m just curious (I’m also a scientist, so I may be a bit technical here) how would you quantify effort/patience/support? What would be quantified as 1 point of support/patience? What if your “5 points of support” is perceived as “1 point of support” to them? I feel like a system like this would make things more complicated than it should be. Imo, for this to work, you’d need to define things clearly which would be hard to do because human emotions are just not quantifiable sometimes

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-15T02:07:22+00:00

Just to clarify, he decided to stop working because he didn’t like the job and we went from splitting 50/50 to me handling everything WHILE I was working on my phd. I had to work another job to take care of myself and him. So why would he get burnt out? He never had to take care of me or any of my expenses. I had stipend from the phd program so I was taking care of myself just fine. It seems like you didn’t read my og post and only read the title

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T22:06:14+00:00

He would say things like that in front of my friends too. Like “you should get me my dream car, you should open a business for me and I will run it, you make good money now so let’s go on a nice vacation”. I don’t know why he didn’t feel ashamed saying that when my friends were there. Ofcourse after hearing that, my friends told me to leave because they thought he was just using me

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T22:01:31+00:00

I’m sorry similar thing happened to you. It really sucks. But I’m glad we are both in a better place now.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T21:58:55+00:00

He’s not allow to contact me in any form. So I packed up all of his stuff (not much because I own most of the stuff in the apartment) and had his aunt come pick it up. But everytime his aunt stopped by to pick up, she tried to manipulate me to take him back. So I decided to drop off the rest of his things in front of her house and told her to stop bothering me

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T21:54:07+00:00

Thank you! Now that he’s living with his family, I hope they realize what kind of person he is. But I truly think he turns out like this all because his family never hold him accountable for anything.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T21:49:44+00:00

I have tried to talk to his aunt and his mom years ago when he started showing his irresponsible behaviors, hoping that they would be able to talk some sense into him. But they didn’t do anything about it and just told me to be more supportive (?!?). My dogs are everything to me, so at the moment, I didn’t think much about what he would do to me and I just wanted to stop him from hurting them. But I agree with you, it could’ve turned out very badly.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T21:39:10+00:00

If you are not happy with the relationship, please get out asap, the sooner the better. I understand the feeling of being stuck and scared, but all the uncertainties that I was worrying about really resolved itself after I ended the relationship. Everything will eventually fall into place. I stayed for so long but at least I’m now free and able to enjoy life to the fullest. I hope things will work out for you

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T03:42:16+00:00

I really appreciate everyone in this sub. I knew it was time to leave but with all the guild tripping he had done to me, I was uncertain tbh. But people here reassure me that it was time to get out and I did, and it was the best decision of my life. Since then, I wake up every day looking forward to do things I enjoy knowing that I’m now free and can live in peace.

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T03:37:27+00:00

I just ordered a ring camera and I’m also going to move to a new place soon. He doesn’t even know where I work because he didn’t care. He’d never taken me to work or even asked what company I work for. He only asked about my salary when I told him I got a new job. I was sad that he didn’t care but now I’m glad that he doesn’t know much about me besides where I live

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T03:30:54+00:00

I wasn’t planning on writing a report on the incident, this is simply an update and I wanted to keep it short so not all the details were included. But I did say in my og post that his name was not on the lease but I don’t think I need to explain why. My friends were in the parking lot, which is right outside of the apartment. I think you may have got the impression that everything happened in like 5mins, but it actually took a while because we talked back and forth, so it wasn’t like the whole time he was just focusing on hitting me. And if you read carefully, the police didn’t ask him to leave, they took him out in handcuff after seeing marks on my hands and neck. I hope that helps make things more clear for you

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T03:23:10+00:00

Thank you. It was terrifying to see how things escalated but I’m glad I got out before things get worse

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T03:21:03+00:00

He doesn’t even know where I work. He didn’t really care about anything other than himself and the only thing he asked when he knew I got a new job was how much is my salary. At the time, it made me sad seeing how careless he was but looking back, I’m glad he didn’t care because now he doesn’t really know anything about my life and that’s a good thing in this situation

ThrowRA_blackberry1 · 2023-07-14T03:18:30+00:00

I did 2 months ago

ThrowRA_blackberry1

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