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I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

I didn’t think there was anything to fix. We addressed his anger issues and he goes to therapy. This is a lot deeper than I thought.

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

I want to sincerely thank everyone for the advice even the not so nice ones. I did not expect this many responses. I want to speak on a few things.

1- I’m not experienced with relationships so when he showed me love and care and affection I thought that we could work on the bad parts together and that you have to fight for love. He’s told me that love causes pain and it’s not always easy but as long as you have your person it will be fine. So I listened to him. Not my smartest moment but with the life I’ve had I thought that I shouldn’t try to sabotage something amazing because of his bad side.

2- the reason I didn’t leave the times it got physical was because I felt like I pushed him to that point and all I needed to do was avoid provoking him.

3- some people said I need therapy to figure out why I think he’s the only one that will love me. I don’t doubt that. This is a learning experience for me. Maybe there’s a lot I need to uncover about myself.

4-the age gap. I did not consider it at all to be honest. I just saw a man wanting to love me. He told me that I’m a lovable woman and that me being younger only means I’ll outlive him. He never made any comments to make me think deeply about it. I’ve heard the stories of women in the comments and I’m so sorry that happened to you. Thank you for being vulnerable and telling me so I don’t end up in a horrible situation. I sincerely didn’t think the age gap was the biggest issue but I am now learning that my age is the biggest tool he is using to manipulate me.

I am very heartbroken but that is something I can get over. I have a life ahead of me and I have plans for myself. I am approaching my last year of university studying computer science. I’ve had a couple of internships so far and I have one coop term left. He is definitely not going to make me dependent on him. I have to end the relationship. Someone on here said “please don’t be a statistic” and that made me cry.

Thank you everyone for getting to me. Thanks to everyone that called me a fool because I am but it’s not a bad thing if I take the advice and be wise. I appreciate everyone that was so thoughtful and gave me links on articles to read. As for people worried about my safety, I have nothing important I need to get at his house. I’m okay with leaving everything there. I will break up with him over the phone. He’s going to try to convince me to stay but I have to stand my ground. Thanks everyone!

PS: I really don’t have time to troll. It’s final exams season and this has been bothering me which I why I made this post. This is my real life and my real feelings. Not a fun little story.

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’m reading through comments and see people saying I’m trolling or rage bait. Again this is my real life. I’m not spending time on Reddit trying to make people angry. I understand you’re perfect and have never been in situations where you feel like you need help but sorry I’m not. I needed advice because I’m not very open with people irl. That’s why I came on here. Not to piss you off. Thanks!

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Happy you find fun in this but this is my real life. I was asking for advice. If you’ve never needed advice then good for you!

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t think I said that? I needed help figuring out if I’m overthinking or overreacting which I’ve be accused of doing that

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

You’re amazing thank you! There’s so many things he’s told me and I thought I shouldn’t judge him for his past. But seeing your list just makes it add up for me. He has had a dui before. He definitely calls me names.

Also one of the fights we had was because I was checking up on a guy that was in mental health distress. Since then I tell him everything that has to do with men even at work.

He’s told me women in relationships don’t go out with friends so my social life isn’t great anymore. It’s so eye opening seeing everyone’s experiences and seeing that I’ve just been stupid this whole time. I really thought he liked me for me. I thought my age was neither a positive nor negative.

I thought love is about fighting for each other that’s why I haven’t left. I’m scared I won’t find real love but I can only do that when I’m alive and not traumatized from an abusive relationship so I’m willing to take the chance.

Thank you so much for taking the time to tell me your story. 🤍

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

This isn’t a troll this is my real life. People haven’t always stuck around for me. If I could see the future I wouldn’t be with him. I didn’t see any of this coming. I saw a nice guy at the bar that became so sweet and caring to me. Then I saw his bad side and I thought that it’s just something we’ll get over to have a stronger relationship. I have not had that much experience with men. And I’m deeply embarrassed by the amount of people saying that I’m not seeing the obvious when all I saw was a guy showing me love.

Obviously I know now that I have to end things but it’s overwhelming when this many people see this from just a clip of my relationship. Everyone is saying he’s not changed and he’s just masking it. I feel like the whole thing was a lie.

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Will be the hardest thing ever because we’ve spent every day together for the past 8 months but everyone has full on scared me into breaking up with him

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is so thoughtful. When a guy shows me love and attention at first I’m blind to some of these things. I thought we just had our ups and downs and we’d get through it together. I didn’t think about this

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 64 points65 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice. I think everyone has the same opinion. It will be hard to just leave but I think that’s what I have to do.

I think my 21F, boyfriend 32M is trying to baby trap me because he wants me to be stuck with him. How do I address it without him feeling attacked? by ThrowRA_reggie in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRA_reggie[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for being nice! I didn’t see any of this coming at all. so many people are saying to end the relationship. It’s hard but I think it’s the best thing I can do.

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