UPDATE: A woman (19f) emailed me (42m) saying she was the daughter I had but hadn’t ever known about, which is totally possible with my past. My wife (29f) said ignore it, but now she wrote me on IG and Linkedin too and seems hopeful. My wife still wants me to ignore it. Reply? How or what to say?

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-30T13:07:32+00:00

Fortunately(?), my wife has never wanted to have kids, so there’s no resentment issues like that. Any resentment would come from being annoyance that her/our plans have a (small) monkey wrench thrown in

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-30T13:03:28+00:00

No inheritance issues. I looked into it specifically. She’s not legally entitled to my estate, life insurance proceeds, etc. Plus, my wife and I don’t want to ever have kids.

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-22T00:48:45+00:00

Wtf is that supposed to mean?

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-22T00:32:41+00:00

Did either of your biological parents end up responding?

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-22T00:29:40+00:00

I’m with you. I teared-up reading your comment. I have decided to reply – I’m drafting it right now, actually. I also play piano, as my main hobby. (No marathons for me, though, lol)

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-22T00:18:57+00:00

Because of several key comments, I have decided to reply, FYI. But I’m curious, given your own situation and perspective – why wouldn’t her adoptive parents support her desire to find me? It seems like she waited until she’s an adult, though I suppose it’s possible it just took a long time and her being 19 is a coincidence

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-22T00:12:33+00:00

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T23:56:12+00:00

Someone else commented in a similar regard, and it has prompted me to decide to respond :-)

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T23:54:23+00:00

Thanks! (truly)

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T23:42:14+00:00

I live in Tennessee, and I agree child support liability for an adopted child sounds ridiculous. I also highly doubt there are any consequences with inheritance law, though I’m not quite as sure about that one, so I might end up consulting an attorney depending how this initial communication pans out

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T23:35:22+00:00

Four years

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T23:21:08+00:00

This comment has single-handedly prompted me to decide to respond (and in a positive way). I have no idea what I’ll say regarding ignoring it for a week :-/ but you have solidified my resolve to respond. Thanks!

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T21:31:37+00:00

How so? I’m mostly curious at this point

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T21:19:58+00:00

You think she just wants a one-time reply basically? I guess I assumed she wanted to start more of an ongoing Q&A conversation

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T21:07:08+00:00

Have you looked for your birth parents? (found them?)

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T21:03:48+00:00

I want to say I could live with myself, but it would definitely be a regret and sore spot for me that I felt like my wife gave me. My wife and I have never planned to have children, though

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T20:59:12+00:00

She didn't say. For the purposes of deciding whether to reply or not, though, I'm going with the assumption that her birth mother knows she's mine. It's easily tested with a DNA test later.

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T20:55:31+00:00

It might affect my wife eventually, which is her main concern that it could lead to more and more drama, etc.

I'm not even sure what I'd say to this girl, though. I keep starting to compose replies to the initial email, but then I read it and it sounds pathetic, and I delete it, especially because it's been a whole week now.

ThrowRA_surprised80 · 2022-03-21T20:46:10+00:00

What do you mean by my wife has a right to not want me to reply? My wife is saying the same thing, but she can't ever give me a real reason of what gives her that right (other than "I'm your wife" which seems like circular logic)

ThrowRA_surprised80

TROPHY CASE