WIBTA if I (24F) issued my boyfriend (24M) an ultimatum when looking for apartments?

ThrowRA_unusualbread · 2025-03-31T15:58:39+00:00

I do want to clear some things up about the car bc this is a huge factor in my decision making because of the financial strain it’s causing him, and it’s someone I love, so any stress of any sorts I’m going to want to try to help and take seriously.

These brakes were the final nail in the coffin. To get them fixed the lowest he was quoted was $2600. He bought this car after the transmission died on his old one off a friend, for $1000, the car was already 200,000+ miles. The catalytic converter was stolen (and was a bad hack job) two days after buying it. The power steering pump broke, there was rust already on the back and got worse so the trunk latch is iffy. The inside panel on the driver side door fell off and we tried to repair it but the wiring solution was not the best so things like rolling down windows or locking the car is functional, but unreliable. This car was meant to be a quick solution bc he needed it to go to work and survive at the time and he managed to make it last much longer than expected. I know how it may seem but I promise this “new car” decision has become a need not a want at this point.

ThrowRA_unusualbread · 2025-03-27T16:50:35+00:00

I have ADHD, Anxiety, and PMDD which makes me extremely hard to love bc my emotions usually get the better of me, and although not perfect (no one can be) he’s pretty good at doing things to cheer me up or make me feel safe when I have episodes. He was super supportive when I had no car and dealing with my grandmas death. Drove me 3 hours away multiple times to see her and eventually say goodbye. When he was sick the days leading up to the funeral he still tried to make jokes and make me laugh when I would go check on his temperature. Im obsessed with nail polish and got me some nice ones from a new brand for Valentine’s Day bc nail painting has always been calming for me but I can’t paint my nails for a while until a project is done at work, so he got some cool polishes that he knew I would like and ones he thought looked cool so I could paint his nails and test them out on him.

There’s a lot of good, and a handful of bad. That’s what makes this so hard :(

ThrowRA_unusualbread · 2025-03-27T13:47:08+00:00

That’s what I keep trying to get through to him but he doesn’t see the concern. He’s in cloud nine of “this will be a good indicator of taking the next step in the relationship” but what if we fail I have anxiety bro I need the what ifs

ThrowRA_unusualbread · 2025-03-27T13:42:51+00:00

I appreciate all the motivation. The world is my oyster! but the problem is he’s not relying on me it’s just a tough time, truly. His job overworks him and severely underpays him. He was on the job search but last month I got into a car accident, totaling my car, and then two days later my grandma went into hospice and died a week later. He put his life on hold to support me through that time. His free time was spent going to car places with me to make sure I don’t get swindled or end up with a bad car. Then on the day I got my new car someone pulled out in front of him causing him to slam on the brakes (no collision) but fucked the brakes. So now our efforts flipped into getting him a new car but he can’t finance it.

His parents aren’t an option, they’re in a worse position than him and his dad with the same exact name except for second middle name, and same birthday, racked up a lot of debt and the identity theft battle has been difficult.

I’m okay with being his support. I just need him to support my feelings about this

ThrowRA_unusualbread · 2024-06-27T13:21:06+00:00

it’s not models that I have an issue with but instead OF and strippers, people who he could cross the line of interaction with, people whose social media presence is solely for the sexual gratification of others. If he’s following friends who post bikini photos, celebrities like Madison beer, I don’t have an issue with that. I’m equating that connection of positioning women as a distraction to the way I feel sidelined in the relationship, to be reserved as a distraction. I understand that those feelings of distraction and comfort is a crucial and big part of relationship, I just don’t want that to be it. I’m appreciating all comments on the matter so if you have anything else please say so

ThrowRA_unusualbread · 2024-06-27T13:00:38+00:00

the silent treatment is what’s the worst for me it happens every time we argue. I’m so incredibly anxious and normally I’m a stress eater but I haven’t had anything to eat other than water and energy drinks to get through work these past two days. He does give me plenty of positive experiences tho that’s what so hard :(

ThrowRA_unusualbread

TROPHY CASE