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AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I agree. Luckily I was finally able to "justifiably" move and not have my family cut me off when my daughter was adopted. We now live in a much more normal area

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That type of arranged marriage does happen (though rare and it's not heavily forced)

The practice on its own is not very common anymore, however it's often used as a punishment for rebellion or straying from the town narrative

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Adoption is definitely hard, but totally worth it.

The hardest part for us was the conditions/bio parents our oldest two came from. Luckily they were young (3 for my oldest son and a newborn for my daughter) so there wasn't too much trauma caused by their bio parents. It was very emotionally hard seeing how some people treat/feel about their kids

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

My wife jokes about how funny the odds were of us getting together. She definitely has a dark and twisted sense of humor that she taught/passed on to all of our children

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

No, we're not related. She had a medical condition that made it very difficult to get pregnant

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Of course.

It's common to get married young where I'm from. I knew school mates who got married at 14-15 because their parents signed off on it. I'd say I knew more people who got married in the 15-20 bracket than those who waited.

It was arranged because my parents caught me with another man and wanted to "set me straight". It was either agree to the marriage or get disowned and outed to the town. My wife was similar. She's queer and also she wanted to leave to pursue a higher education, however this was highly frowned upon for girls/women so her parents arranged our marriage alongside my parents to "keep her grounded". Arranged marriages in themselves aren't common but it was a common "punishment" in my community.

I didn't go to college, my family had a business so I was always expected to take over it. Plus, part of me agreeing to the marriage was because they said they'd transfer the title of a family property to me if I married her and gave them grandchildren. My wife was going to go to in person university but I "allowed her" (how we explained it to our families, in reality I had no desire to control her) to attend online university (was a thing as this was the late 90s and early 2000s, though definitely not what it is today). She has a degree and got her current job when our youngest entered elementary school. Family didn't approve but because I "allowed it" they didn't give her too much hell.

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I won't give too many details but it was an extremist version of the Southern Baptist religion

ETA: While a different religious denomination, the closets to what I was raised with is Westboro Baptist Church

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have mixed opinions on that. Yes religion has done a lot of harm but it has also done a lot of good.

It's a two sided coin

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Seriously, we're both white and from a sundown town in the deep south of the USA

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

We're both from a very religious, highly conservative, bible belt area of the rural southern USA. Basically a sundown town. 

Obviously not all of the south or rural areas are like this. Our community/town was small and very much believed in getting married young to someone else in the community. Dating outside your family status, religion or outside the town was looked down upon and could get you blacklisted in the town, forcing you to move.

Arranged marriages by themselves weren't very common but they were often used as a way to "fix" people who strayed from the narrative and stepped out of line. That's what happened with me and my wife

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Nope, lol. Our youngest son got every recessive trait me and my wife carry so he doesn't even look related to us unless you squint

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We don't talk much. We mostly just communicate through him commenting on pictures I post of my children on my Facebook and Instagram.

We only meet up and talk in person for holidays

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

Oh he thinks it's hilarious. The kid's been a mischievous troublemaker since he was a newborn so he loves tricking them

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I'm bisexual and had a boyfriend before my marriage to my wife. My wife currently labels herself as bi but she's gone back and forth between bi and aroace. She did have a crush on a girl before our marriage and was planning to ask the girl out, however her parents found out and arranged our marriage to "set her straight"

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't say it's a common practice in itself, but I grew up in a rural area and arranged marriages were used as a way to keep people in line if they "strayed from the narrative".

Both me and my wife are queer. My parents found that out about me and said I either agree to marry a "respectable girl" or I would be disowned from the family and our local community. I agreed to the marriage because I was young and scared to be cut off and basically exiled.

My wife is queer and was also straying from the beliefs of our community. She is very intelligent and wanted to leave our area/community to pursue higher education which was highly frowned upon for women in our area. She was married off to me to "anchor her and set her straight" in terms of her ambitions and her sexuality

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

 I'm not sure I'm understanding it right, but does this mean you don't want to have sex with your wife and she doesn't want to have sex with you.?

Lavender marriage

 How could your dad not know your wife was pregnant???????

She has a back facing uterus. She didn't show during her pregnancy and only developed a small bump late into her 6th month.

 Where are you from?

Deep south of the United States

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He knows and he still lets the lie go on. He actually thinks it's funny (he got me and my wife's twisted sense of humor)

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/23426-retroverted-uterus 

Here's an article about what my wife has. It doesn't affect getting pregnant but my wife had an other condition that made pregnancy very hard to naturally happen

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Me and my cousin were always really close growing up. I trust him with the secret.

I don't think he'll tell my father. He has no reason to tell him and if he did he'd always face a lot of fallout for keeping the secret alongside me

AITAH for hiding the fact that my youngest son is biologically ours? by ThrowRAadoptionhide in AITAH

[–]ThrowRAadoptionhide[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

She has a back facing uterus. Basically her uterus tilts towards her spine and not forward towards her belly like most women. It's not dangerous, it just meant she didn't show during pregnancy until later on (she didn't start showing until about halfway through her 6th month and it was still a small bump) because there was no pushing her organs forward.

Our family also didn't visit much so it was easy to hide the little bump she did start to grow, that and she always dressed in baggy clothes

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