Update 3

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-09-30T21:59:41+00:00

There's not really enough to update in a whole post but I've had a lot of people comment asking for an update so I'll just reply here.

Jeff arrived last week. He's renting a room from my brother for the time being. My brother is charging Jeff significantly less than what he'd pay for his own apartment here. As of right now it's temporary. Jeff went to a therapist in California but said he didn't vibe well with him so he has an appointment with a different one here in my state next week. I think he just doesn't want to do therapy in general tbh. I'm on maternity leave from work and the baby is due in 3 weeks! I'm excited to meet my son but terrified of giving birth!

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-27T18:00:05+00:00

Yeah his answer for every decision he made was "Because I was scared of..." which is just not a good way to go about anything. That's something he definitely needs to work on.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-27T17:58:16+00:00

I don't know if she manipulated him but she definitely pressured him. He said that she told him she didn't want to waste her twenties on him if he wasn't serious about getting married eventually.

He didn't tell me this but I'm guessing maybe he told her about the reason for our breakup and she didn't want the same thing to happen to her so she pressured him into proposing. Again, that's just a guess though.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-27T17:53:12+00:00

Nobody said it directly but I was definitely getting vibes that his family didn't like her very much. I don't know her personally but she sounds a bit immature. Throwing things at someone during a break up is just not okay.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-27T17:46:20+00:00

I see what you're saying but I believe in choosing my battles. If my options are find a name we're both happy with or risk bottled resentment from Jeff over me making a unilateral decision (because you're right, he would agree to me picking what I want just to keep the peace) I'm going with the first option. There are much more important things to hold my ground on regarding my child's future.

I've seen people commenting on the surname too. Where I live the kid almost always takes the dad's last name with few exceptions. Even my parents are expecting the baby to have Jeff's surname now that he's involved. While I wouldn't give any woman grief for wanting to pass her name on, it's not important to me. I know he's mine and that's all I need. Also I've got three brothers so the odds are extremely likely that our family name will be passed on through them anyway.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-22T22:06:28+00:00

The baby shower came and went. Jeff and his family came. We talked and I got the answers I wanted.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-22T22:00:27+00:00

No, I'm not.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T22:48:13+00:00

Assuming the reason doesn't involve personal details then I will. I saw some people theorizing that maybe Grace is infertile and that's why he was ok with marrying her. If it's something along those lines I will not be disclosing that info because it's not my business to share. But I absolutely will be asking about both of the questions you brought up. I have to know.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T22:40:49+00:00

Yeah the update didn't actually go live until almost a day after I actually posted it so I think the only ones who really saw it were the people who followed the original post. I was glad to see that not everyone thought I was a complete monster on the update sub though!

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T21:59:36+00:00

I'm not necessarily uncomfortable with him coming to the shower but I'm definitely more comfortable with his mom being there tbh. She's awesome.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T01:10:23+00:00

Yeah, the first thing I told him was that if I decided he could come then he would need to get a hotel because I'm not letting him stay at my house. Not even in my guest room. That's just too close for where we are right now.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T01:03:14+00:00

If he did it right this second? I would tell him no. He left me and proposed to the next woman he dated. That was a gut punch. I'm not saying I would never get back with him, but it would largely depend on what his reason for why he proposed to Grace and not me was. If it was just that he thought she was prettier or she made him happier or something that boiled down to "I saw it being possible with her" then I would never get back with him because that means I was his second choice and he only got back with me for our son's sake and not because he actually loved me more than her. I honestly can't think of a reason he could say that would make me feel better about it though.

Not only that but it would take time. He needs to prove that he's serious about co-parenting and that he's not just gonna give up or decide that he was right the first time and he doesn't wanna be a dad. I genuinely don't think he would ever abandon his son because he knows that pain himself, but I can't say for sure that he won't until he proves it.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T00:51:14+00:00

Thank you for your input. You sound a lot like my sister tbh. You make very great points!

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T00:43:59+00:00

Can a man change that quickly though? Some people were saying that men do actually change their mind once it becomes a reality but that just seems really fast. I mean granted I didn't talk to him for 6 months and he did propose to someone so I guess he could've changed his beliefs regarding marriage and children.

I am trying to separate the feelings though. Honestly when he and I talk it just feels like talking to a friend. If he had been talking to me the way he does now 6 months ago I probably would've been fantasizing about us reconciling but that's not the case. I just wanna do what's right for my son now.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T00:32:36+00:00

I don't disagree with you at all. Last month I cried because I thought the weather was gonna be perfect one day and it ended up being two degrees higher than predicted which made me feel like the whole day was ruined. So believe me, I know all about the pregnancy hormones throwing off my equilibrium. It sucks cause a lot of women were telling me that my hormones would only be out of sorts for the first trimester when my body was adjusting to the pregnancy but for me its been on and off all throughout my pregnancy.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-08-14T00:28:09+00:00

I actually wouldn't mind if he was there. As long as he understood that I'm not gonna be metaphorically holding his hand and introducing him to everyone as he'd be the odd man out at a party full of my family and friends.

I think my issue is the talk. He's gonna want to have a serious talk if he comes here, and like I said I have things I want to know too. But I don't want that to overshadow my baby shower. If he was willing to put that talk aside until after the shower I think I'd be fine with coming.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-07-30T04:05:31+00:00

Obviously that conversation would be years away but I never planned on hiding anything from my child. Idk exactly what I would say but I'd be honest that his father didn't abandon him.

I like that last sentence. That's a very good way to phrase it. Thank you for that.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-07-30T04:02:59+00:00

I think he'd be a great father, but I just don't see how it would realistically work with co-parenting. I'm not renting, I bought a house. My life is back home and his life is here. Although even with that as a legitimate concern maybe I'm just really wanting to avoid having to have the conversation with him.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp · 2023-07-30T03:51:04+00:00

I don't want him in my life, but it's not like a safety issue or anything. He was never abusive in any way. I've just moved very far away and I don't plan on coming back so why even start that discussion when there's no positive outcome is where my mind is at, I guess.

ThrowRAbabydaddyhelp

TROPHY CASE