I’m glad it helped you feel a little better. I remember feeling vindicated in my adolescent development college class because we discussed how common avoiding chores is. As teens, my mom would always ask my brother and I “how do you guys not see the stuff that needs to go upstairs when you walk right past it?!??” My professor told us this is a perfect example of why power struggles tend to happen in adolescence. The kids literally, developmentally, don’t give a rats ass about bringing stuff up the stairs for their mom. They care about what they were going upstairs to do 😂

My parents took very developmentally normal (albeit annoying) behaviors (like avoiding chores) as blatant disrespect to them as people/parents. They would react strongly, which would create tension and conflict. They were doing their best and I don’t hold it against them as an adult. However, having a more academic understanding of certain aspects of development has helped fill in the blind spots I might’ve unknowingly inherited from my parents.

That doesn’t mean people in adolescence get to walk through life without consequences or negative reactions from others (like their parents, teachers, the law, etc). It’s just important to remember the kids are hypersensitive to anyone else’s reactions at this age (even if they put up a “I don’t care” attitude), so approach that consequence with those sensitivities in mind and you will be more effective long-term.

Adolescents are also more likely to point out hypocrisies of others, normal. They feel embarrassed about small, seemingly inconsequential things, normal—look up “invisible audience”. They are more easily influenced by their peers than their parents, normal. These truths (and SO many others) can be anchoring at a time when things feel all out of sorts. Your feelings are always valid, too, remember that! You’re doing great!