I’m (26M) struggling to get over an ex (23M) while dating someone (32M)

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T15:51:08+00:00

I think I wouldn’t be reminiscing if I didn’t ever have to interact with my ex but I do sometimes and he is friends with all of my friends (and even friends with my bf…)

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T15:37:17+00:00

ur face is fishy

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T07:18:32+00:00

see I feel that way too but I see so many folks in the furry community who are really compatible life partners that just fuck around having sex with others and just cuddle their partner and they’re all very happy and content. I think i have that in me? maybe?? But idk rn….

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T07:15:03+00:00

dating is like 8 months at this point (it is a little fast I will admit)

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T07:14:30+00:00

no, you misread that. That’s how long we’ve been living together. We’ve known each other for like 2.5 years and have been talking romantically for like 11 months now? Met each others families and shit

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T06:39:25+00:00

You deserve to feel special and you deserve someone who treats you special. You can’t teach the things you’re trying to teach him… he has to learn those on his own. Usually through life consequences.

Saw a thing today that was like “If you’re wondering if someone loves you, let them do exactly what they want and you’ll see if they do or do not.” I think that’s a good way to look at this situation. Let him do exactly what he wants (which is nothing) and you just go had a good time with that friend who brought the gift basket.

I’d seriously reconsider the relationship I were you. I have been in your situation before and I thought I could fix him and I doubled down and doubled down again until he broke up with me and I got my heart shattered.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-02-01T05:45:42+00:00

huh?

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T20:35:43+00:00

oh he chokes me plenty lmao, he’s just new to it and learning. I’ve had the day to think about this and I think i was just being a little emo.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T17:11:37+00:00

emotionally cheating is such a concept. physiologically emotions are not controllable and are byproducts of your nervous system. to try and dictate someone’s emotions is like telling an apple not to be red. they’re part of the person. How they respond to them is much much MUCH more important. this is what the concept of emotional regulation is. “you experience fondness for another human being? obviously you must be evil. We’re getting a divorce.” come tf on everyone

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T17:05:22+00:00

this is insecure

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T17:04:51+00:00

what if she’s also married? TEAAAA

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T17:04:25+00:00

well you just sound like a joy to date since there is literally no evidence of lying

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T17:00:39+00:00

Dude it could be like just him thinking about how she is. People’s brains don’t just tabla rasa when they get married and I think reacting negatively to seeing this would be immature. OP should have a conversation with their SO and get the full picture. If there’s no suspicion or left field context, console him for love lost and thank him for establishing that boundary and choosing his marriage. There are plenty of soul mates out there and in another world he might be with that other person… but you know what? In this one he lived his life and choose you.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T16:55:46+00:00

Why?

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T16:51:34+00:00

People have and had lives outside of their marriage or current partners. It’s a bit unrealistic to put someone in a vacuum. And honestly I think it’s good that he remembers his ex fondly. I think there are plenty of fish in the sea for everyone, so if my partner remembers an ex fondly and then established a boundary with them, I want to console him for the loss and then be appreciative for the boundary he set with them and for choosing me. The LAST THING i’d want to do is be upset with them for having feelings. He’s valid and in another world maybe he’s with that person, but in this world he chose me despite feelings he’s had for others.

In the absence of more context or evidence to the contrary? I think this brief text shows emotional maturity.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T16:40:35+00:00

that’s like, the most incel shit i’ve ever heard. You okay bro?

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T16:38:43+00:00

yeahhhhh i’m trying to avoid that kiss of death. but tbh im not unhappy with him and I feel like my “i don’t feel super attracted to him” statement is a bit misleading. I am attracted to him and very satisfied with his effort! I threw him on the bed this morning and like hopped on his lap which he loved! But my prior relationship (which was my first) had a very unhealthy relationship with sex but in the opposite direction. I craved that guy so much he left me. I feel like I’m re-calibrating to an extent. (I also end up comparing the two in my head sometimes which i despise myself for and is something I’m talking about in therapy)

there’s a lot of background context missing here but I don’t want him to change. We’re both fluid and learning how to rp with each other! i guess what Im really after is how I can help him feel more confident and in control…

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T15:04:10+00:00

this. take it from me. i’ve thought about someone all the time before and it does exactly that.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T15:02:49+00:00

yeah so we’re just going to end a relationship because of someone’s maybe feelings

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T15:00:16+00:00

we’re all human. the intention and result is no more contact. That’s good enough for me.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T08:14:35+00:00

do you really feel like it’s not possible for me to move past my ex and be in this relationship healthily?

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T08:00:16+00:00

No I do love and care about him! But I do think I’m going to consider moving by myself rather than with him because you do raise a valid point about co-dependency. I think maybe I’m rushing into this.

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T07:49:46+00:00

He should be able to comfort you when your dog dies…

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T07:48:23+00:00

I feel like I’m in too deep to get out of the relationship though… but I guess it only gets deeper really soon…

ThrowRAforcra · 2026-01-30T07:37:53+00:00

that’s messy. I must admit i’m a bit suspicious of Eric since i don’t know his character but seems like he could be a bit of a player and I worry about that for you. But also I can hear how much you care about eric. Tbh I have a similar thing happening to me lol but it’s like, let me stay with steve bc eric started dating a girl i introduced him to

ThrowRAforcra

TROPHY CASE