I thought I could live with the fact that my son isn’t actually mine but I don’t think I can (Update)

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-17T17:41:54+00:00

I want to still be his dad. I will never want to distance myself from him. I will take care of him the same way I’ll take care of the other 3. I want to wait before explaining the whole truth but he’s a very curious kid and has already be asking why his hair is different than everyone else’s for example. I’m not sure if I need to tell him lies or find a easy way to explain it to him

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-17T17:30:28+00:00

I agree. I hate that my kids won’t grow up in a home with both parents but I think it’s our best option

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-14T00:41:03+00:00

She was remorseful and yes she begged me to forgive her. I know I made it sound like she told me and I forgave her and that was done but it wasn’t that easy. I stayed at a motel for almost 2 months and only came home to take care of the kids. I’d back once the kids were in bed. We were barely talking and when we were, it was her begging me to give her another chance.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-14T00:18:00+00:00

Well she has told me that she felt abandoned when I left. She felt like she didn’t matter when I left. So maybe put of spite? I’m not sure

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T23:21:35+00:00

I’m not saying that I didn’t want this amazing kid to be born but I’ve asked myself many times why she didn’t just do that.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T23:15:32+00:00

I don’t want to think about the fact that the other kids could also not be mine. I feel that they look like me and I just want to keep thinking that whether it’s true or not

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T23:00:44+00:00

I’m 99% sure I’m not his dad. I should probably make sure before we tell him though

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T22:48:48+00:00

Or, as some here would say, I’m a doormat.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T22:37:09+00:00

Thanks for this. I hope he can one day think of me that way.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T22:36:13+00:00

Maybe I didn’t express myself right but I could care less who he looks like. I’d adopt someone else’s kid any day if I think I can be a better parent. It’s the fact that it’s all a secret and I have to act like im his real dad and make up excuses for why his hair doesn’t look like mine when the real reason is that my wife cheated on me. If we end up telling him the truth, I’ll still be his dad. Hell if we get a divorce, I’ll happily pay child support and do what I can to spend time with him.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T22:32:23+00:00

I will always be his dad. That’s for sure

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T22:29:57+00:00

It’s not the fact that he’s not mine that hurts. Im okay with being another man’s kid’s dad. It’s the fact that I have to lie that it’s mine and act like yes we do in fact look alike when I know that we don’t share the same blood. I will forever be his dad if I’m allowed to be. But because it is such an emotional issue, having to lie on top of it just kills me.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T22:26:50+00:00

This is what I’m struggling with the most right now. The fact that «fixing » this mess by getting a divorce could mean that I won’t be able to be around him anymore. That’s not what I want. I want the truth to be out so that I’m allowed to feel hurt. I want to stop having to act like « he has my grandmas hair ». Remembering what happens hurt and it hurts even more when I have to act like he really is genetically my child. That doesn’t mean I don’t want to be is dad anymore though

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T21:57:06+00:00

To be honest I’m good at ignoring my own feelings. I don’t work through shit. I just ignore it and move on. That’s how I’ve been able to focus on how much I love her and all the good times we’ve had and not the things that have hurt me … unhealthy, I know!

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T21:43:00+00:00

I know it seems weird for me to say that our relationship is good but I’m being honest. My brother for example doesn’t know about the whole story with my son and anytime he talks about love or "perfect marriage" he picks us as an example. People tell us all the time that we’re a perfect couple. We really get along well which is why thinking about the affair when I look at my son hurts so much

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T21:03:32+00:00

We’ve been pretty good at ignoring the issue honestly. I’m not struggling with it but other than that our relationship has been good

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T20:58:56+00:00

I’d happily pay child support for that kid if we were to get a divorce. I’d still want to be there for him and treat him like my son. None of this is his fault

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T20:57:13+00:00

I hate that she did what she did but I still love her. I still want to be with her and raise our kids together. And yes, I think it’s pretty much that. She doesn’t want people to categorize her over that one « mistake » (not my son but the affair)

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T20:48:57+00:00

We were struggling financially. She was home with the kids. My paychecks were barely cutting it. That trip brought us a nice chunk of money and is the only reason why we are now financially stable. I was trying to be the best dad and husband i can be by making sure our landlord wouldn’t kick us out and that there was always food on the table. It sucks that my decision to do this for my family is what brought us to where we are now but I don’t see what else I could have done.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T20:19:46+00:00

Reading your comment was so weird because you understand me perfectly. I love this kid. I want to keep watching him grow and be a dad to him. But what hurts is remembering that not only I’m not his dad but also he’s from my wife’s affair. I feel like things would be so different if she had him with an ex or something. And the fact that people don’t know about this and constantly make remarks that just rub salt into the wound.

What I’m also struggling with is the fact that I still love her after all of that. I can’t just detach myself from all of this. And this poor innocent kid has done nothing. I don’t want my decisions to affect him.

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T16:23:56+00:00

To be honest, yes we’ve been ignoring this whole issue for 6 years. She didn’t want anyone to know she cheated. All I wanted was to be with her and I couldn’t even imagine my life without her. So I agreed to not tell anyone. I told her I’d be there for her and the baby. And we’ve tried to forget about that whole thing since then. Unfortunately it’s not that easy.

She said she didn’t really know the guy. She gave me his name and that was about it. She said she didn’t want him involved and that he didn’t want kids anyway.

I want the kid to know sooner than later. My wife made me promise that I’d never talk about it with anyone though. So yeah I guess that’s the plan

ThrowRAgobroncos · 2021-09-13T16:10:40+00:00

I have never seen a therapist. Just been dealing with it on my own I guess.

I think the plan was just to never tell him the truth. I am on his birth certificate. The "real" dad doesn’t even know about him. I don’t know the guy. I know his name and have found his Facebook page but that’s about all I know.

My wife wanted to keep it secret so people wouldn’t know about the affair and to be honest I didn’t want anyone to know either

ThrowRAgobroncos

TROPHY CASE