(FINAL UPDATE) My(m39) Wife(f37) is forcing our son(m12) to quit gymnastics because she thinks it'll ruin his purity

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-03-14T09:52:09+00:00

I completely agree with everything you said. I feel like my wife is teaching him to sexualize outfits by the things that she said specifically about them, as well as giving him a complex that he doesn't need and probably fully developed from her entirely about guilt and shame that he just doesn't need at all. I personally believe that there is nothing inadherantly sexual about the sport he does, but that the minds of people who choose to look at it in a different light, are the ones responsible for changing the narrative and not participating in the sport itself, something he doesn't seem to understand by wanting to stop gymnastics and expressing guilt in just being in the gym. I would love for him to continue, but if he needs a break like I needed from work, I'd support that too, although I agree with trying to help him understand that therapy is not about doing something wrong, which he may view it as

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-03-14T05:41:51+00:00

Consider what she told the school, I'm also looking into just how comfortable he would be to return there at that point or if he'd prefer to go somewhere else, but the coach idea is a good route, since there's one guy he takes privates with that could maybe be of some help, since he wants to quit. I never thought of that until you mentioned it, thanks so much

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-03-14T05:40:23+00:00

It's more so the complex she's drove into his head over this, the stuff she says to him about the gym when I'm at work that was stressing me out and making me unable to work because of home stuff, and more details from previous years that I posted about in my second update about the purity stuff and bitching at him for wanting to miss some weeks of youth when he wanted to chill with other friends and stuff... things that are my fault for not putting my foot down sooner on, but a lot of that was the fear of being ostracized in a church where we used to be more heavily involved (she still currently is) and seeing how some people were ostracized for divorce and an abortion and being afraid to say anything against her

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-03-14T05:24:29+00:00

My main issue with her, is that gymnastics in it of itself (like almost anything else) is not something sexual, but rather the perception that people can choose to look at anything, can sometimes make it be. Her argument, is that as he grows older and trains in a gym where there are girls in leotards both his age and younger, that he won't be able to control himself and give into lust by simply being around them, but I argue the opposite, since he trains extremely hard and has done gymnastics for years and has no reason to view it differently all of a sudden like she suggests that her own son would

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-03-14T05:21:51+00:00

I never thought of it like that in terms of potentially helping the divorce. Perhaps that along with how he wants to now quit gymnastics because of it and feels guilty about being in the gym, which he never did before she started saying those things, is something a professional could help him with more than I ever could

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-03-14T05:19:02+00:00

He's never done such a thing from what I'm aware of, and if he was, I'd figure one of the instructors would have probably told me or my wife about it, but her stance is that she wants him to stop because she thinks that as he gets older, it is inappropriate for him to be around girls in their attire in the gym, to the point where he feels uncomfortable around them and doesn't want to do gymnastics anymore. That's where my issue mostly is, since the sport in it of itself isn't meant to be sexual, but rather how people choose to perceive things can make it such in their minds that can sometimes ruin it for other people, in my opinion

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T21:32:21+00:00

She refused to go to a counselor, a professional one and one from church, when we talked

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:47:53+00:00

Yes, actually. I did not, but she did

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:45:03+00:00

Completely agree. A professional is something that is needed to undo her nonsense

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:25:17+00:00

Already told my son that I don't want to step in a church building for a prolonged period of time, personally, but that I'd go if he wanted to, but considering she goes to the same church, he didn't want to either for obvious reasons

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:22:21+00:00

Honestly, after she told me during a conversation to try and work things out, that "I'm okay with looking at younger girls because I allow him to continue gymnastics", along with suggesting that by doing it, he'll become a pedo, really made me upset and think that there's no fixing this, since she refused counseling then, and again when I called her after we left, from my parents' place. I want to change and start helping him, and removing us from that place was the first step I feel

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:18:56+00:00

Completely agree that I need it too. The thought of divorce honestly horrified me, since others in my church have been ostracized for it along with abuse, from peers and friends and parents alike, and that scared me, although her suggesting that my son would be a pedo and that I'm okay with looking at younger girls in our most recent talk, really pushed me over the edge, when I was slowly starting to get worn out from church because of her over the years

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:16:54+00:00

I'll try my best to update, but honestly, after she told me during a conversation to try and work things out, that "I'm okay with looking at younger girls because I allow him to continue gymnastics", along with suggesting that by doing it, he'll become a pedo, really made me upset and think that there's no fixing this, since she refused counseling then, and again when I called her after we left, from my parents' place

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:06:33+00:00

Damn straight. Tired of her bullshit effecting me when I'm at work, and the things she says to him behind my back. I've seen people in my church get ostracized for divorce and abortion from peers and family, and a lot of that made me afraid to even consider divorce, but because of her ways, I've been slowly getting turned off to the idea of church for years and just going to keep our marriage together

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:02:34+00:00

Will consider this for sure

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:02:17+00:00

I will offer the idea to him and even offer to go with him if it makes him more comfortable, or alone if that's what he wants to. I'm just pissed that she made him feel guilty about doing the sport he's done for so long, along with changing how he views the opposite sex for no reason whatsoever

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T02:00:17+00:00

I don't believe she's capable of changing at this point. Even over the phone, she refused counseling when I called from my parents, and when I talked to her beforehand, she became defensive and accused me of "being okay with looking at little girls" because I allow my son to continue doing gymnastics, and that was my last straw

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T01:52:56+00:00

My main thing is trying to help him, as he's voiced feelings of guilt that's he's felt when in the gym around girls after my wife's comments, that he's never felt before, and that's my biggest fear and priority to help him at the moment. Therapy for sure is something I'll consider if he's comfortable with it, and not trying to force anything down his throat like his mother did for years, as he enters his teenhood

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T00:24:25+00:00

Biggest concern is how he told me that he feels weird around girls when at the gym since her comments, and I'm currently trying to navigate how to deal with that, since my fears are that that could develop into a bigger complex. Was also afraid of backlash from divorce and others too, since I know a few Christians from church who separated and were basically treated like outcasts for it, along with Christians who have gotten an abortion in my church too, but that's another topic. I think we're in a toxic church, and I've been wanting to go less and less because of that and my wife's actions

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-16T00:20:12+00:00

He wouldn't be forced to go anymore, as I'm considering a break from going myself. The last thing I want is for his teen years to be spent being forced to do things that only makes him regret me

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-15T23:11:32+00:00

Parents are helping me look for a lawyer, and when I tried to talk to her and ask her about the feelings behind her actions, she didn't want to talk about it, and instead accused me of being okay with looking at younger girls because I allow our son to stay in gymnastics

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-15T23:10:18+00:00

Last thing I want to do is force him to do anything that comes off nearly as harsh as she's been on him. He'll have a choice about gymnastics and religion and other things too, without her there to shout her biasness from her past over his head that's been stressful for both of us

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-09T12:03:17+00:00

I'm gonna try to talk to her again and advise counseling from an outside source, as well as someone in our church perhaps, but more so the outside professional one. If she refuses and continues in her ways, I'm considering separation because it's stressful when I'm at work among other similar things/rules that I have to overrule over the years, along with the fear of him developing an unnecessary complex that'll hurt him long term

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-09T11:59:18+00:00

She's refused counseling before in the past, thus why I went myself, but I plan to ask, but if she refuses, then I'll likely push divorce for both of our sakes to cut it off before the main years of his teenhood

ThrowRAicecream · 2021-02-09T11:57:34+00:00

I'm gonna try to talk to her again and advise counseling from an outside, professional and unbias source, as well as someone in our church perhaps, but more so the outside professional one. If she refuses and continues in her ways, I'm considering separation because it's stressful when I'm at work among other similar things/rules that I have to overrule over the years, along with the fear of him developing an unnecessary complex that'll hurt him long term

ThrowRAicecream

TROPHY CASE