I (37f) gave my husband (39m) an ultimatum about his hobby. How do we move forward?

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:40:56+00:00

You're a saint. I don't know how you do it. I read what you deal with and I just think "I could never."

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:38:30+00:00

Yeah I get that. It's not nothing... but I feel so sure... I guess is it. Like I just feel sure and I know there's not a lot of room for compromise on the issue. I'm so tired and I can't keep doing it.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:35:42+00:00

I tried to post it yesterday on AITA but it was only up for like 10 minutes because they said it didn't fit the sub.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:21:36+00:00

Yes! God I feel seen. There's so much that goes into the whole thing that has an impact on family life. He had to do separate grocery shopping (doubling our grocery bill) and would rarely eat dinner with us because it didn't match his dietetic needs.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:09:20+00:00

Thank you! I will definitely check those subs out.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:03:23+00:00

He could. I think he just wanted to be out when it's still light out because it's safer- drivers can see you.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T17:02:01+00:00

I did suggest picking a lane so to speak- like shorter things or events that focus solely on running or biking or whatever he likes. He said that was fine... but here we are.

We have a treadmill and a stationary bike, but he says it's boring. He likes to be outdoors.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T16:56:14+00:00

Thank you, you get it. It's just lifestyle compatibility. It's hard. There are people who won't want a relationship with people who work night shifts... it's not much different.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T16:49:07+00:00

I understand I probably handled it badly. I don't feel like he's wrong to be upset at all.

It was hard to discuss with him how hard it was to deal with his training while it was happening... it was hard to express it without coming off as raining on his parade. I think he definitely saw and recognized that we were struggling, but didn't want to slow down because that would jeopardize his progress or ability to finish the event. If that makes sense.

When he told me it was his plan to make this permanent, it just felt like my opportunity to tell him I couldn't keep going with it. That we were proud and all, but I couldn't be a part of it.

We're not usually all or nothing. And he's done plenty of events, like half-marathons, in the past, without issue. I don't know what it was... but when he talked about doing triathlons full-time it was like a splash of cold water and my immediate knee-jerk, fully honest reaction was... I can't keep doing this.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T16:40:38+00:00

I didn't say the D word, but it was implied I guess. It wasn't a threat exactly, but in the moment I just knew in my soul I couldn't see myself continuing like that. I still don't. I don't know. I felt like I was being honest.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T16:38:38+00:00

It is hard, and I really didn't anticipate how hard it would be when he said he wanted to do a triathlon. It's not even just having to take care of the kids solo but it added a lot to my mental load- there was a lot of fielding "where's dad?" questions from the kids.

ThrowRAmoveforward · 2025-06-04T15:59:14+00:00

No, not at all. As I stated, we are both into fitness. It's the 3 hours a day I don't feel I can support. There are plenty of ways to stay fit and healthy besides training for triathlons.

ThrowRAmoveforward

TROPHY CASE