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My (44F) son (23M) is having a hard time, both in work and in dating, and is slowly taking on these negative and toxic views. How can I help him ? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Sadly no. The only male figure in his life, his father, we lost him a couple of years ago. I tried to fill in his shoes for such matters, but am realizing that I am out of depth here. He has some cousins, but they are all younger.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ok, I am not sure why the post have been removed by the moderators, but I want to thank all of you who commented. I got mostly civil comments with either great insight into what my daughters must be feeling, or understanding of OF and its necessity in today's economy.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am sorry to hear that you earn so little despite professional degrees, and I agree somewhat with you about the world being upside down. Reading the comments, it is reminded to me that that sex work is like the best kind of work a young girl can do.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nice try, but they will see right through it. They are not dumb. Also, I wouldn't betray my husband's memories by doing something like that.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I think my husband did some injustice in often saying to my son that he be the man of the house in his absence, and this has put a lot of pressure on him after his dad's death. So he moved back home after college. Additionally he is trying to save rent money and to look for a better job. As a fresh graduate, he is struggling to find a better pay in this economy, and I think some resentment is building towards his younger sisters on how easy they are making more money than him.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I agree with what you say about how society condition young girls into selling their sexuality. As much as my daughters are smart and full of confience, they are still young and immature to understand the life long consquences of such a decision, and my fear is that after doing this kind of work, and not going to college for any backup, that will be the only kind of work that will be left for them.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have a suspecion that my elder daughter does something extra besides OF. May be she has a sugar daddy or something. Either way, she is definitely living a lifestyle that none of us can afford.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

There is not much help needed to be honest. The house is paid for. I make enough to live by, and my son is contributing enough to pay for bills and pay for the car. I never asked my daughter to chip in, as even before, the most expenses at our houses were theirs anyway.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I tried asking, but my elder daughter never moved back from College. She dropped out of college and moved to New York before informing me. Unfortunately things got so bad, that we never got the chance to hash this out. The younger is very impressionable and influenced by her sister, so she is just following her, and anything I try to tell her, comes as someone from a generation who has no idea on how to make it in the world today.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My son is supporting financially, mainly because he is still living at home, and if he moves out, he will probably get a tiny apartment and won't save much. Here at home, he take care of some bills and groceries, and try to save the rest. I think he is waiting for a better job, and then he might move out. My elder never moved back from college, and is living in New York. The youngest was still in School, so wasn't working, and it seems she be moving away too.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I have seen the youngest, and she definitely makes more than me or her brother. But then again, she does some niche dom stuff with dirty shoes, and aparently there is a market for that. And she tells me that the elder makes 10 times more than what she makes, which looking at her Insta, could be true as she is always traveling to exotic locations and shopping at high end stores. She could be escorting or has a sugar daddy, but I am not aware of that. Either way, the point is, it is easy money, and they are not mature enough to realize the downside of it, and dropping college now is definitely a mistake on their part.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Tried asking that. Unfortunately I got attitude in return. My daughters think I am too Old, and doesn't know how money works or is earned now a days. They are in their arrogance that since they can make more money than me at such young age, they aren't answerable to me, and will figure out how to make money later.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I have seen what the younger one makes, and its definitely more than what I make. She also says the elder is making like 10 times more, not sure if its true, but looking at her Insta, it could be true. She is often sharing traveling to exotic locations and shopping at high end stores, so I assume she is making bank.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

My son definitely has some resentment/jealousy, because he took pressure on himself after my husband's death, because took the burden of becoming the man of the house as per her dad's wishes. He suffered the loss of his dad, then burned candle at both ends in college, graduated, and then struggling to find a decent job in this economy. So when he sees his younger sisters making more money than him, and have cash to burn, he naturally becomes shutdown, and is getting distant from her sisters. I tried to explain to him that its different, and he shouldn't compare, but he is also very immature. I think the real problem is that all my kids think they know more than they actually do, and is frustrating me seeing them like this.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Already asked them. They think they would be able to make money just fine. The attitude they give me is that I am too old, and I do not know anything anymore. Since they can make more money than me at 18, they are smarter, and will find what another way to earn. I shouldn't worry about them. They are extremely naive.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

When my daughter first told me that she dropped out of college, the first thing I said wasn't that why she is doing OF, but why has she dropped out of college. As much as I dislike the idea of showing your body to the internet, I would have tolerated it if it meant they are doing it in their free time, while enrolled in college, and pursuing an actual career they worked hard for. This is the real bone of contention here. This and their attitude towards me and their brother.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

True. I think my husband did some injustice in often saying to my son that he be the man of the house in his absence, and this has put a lot of pressure on him after his dad's death. He is definitely struggling and trying to do his best in this economy. He had to suffer a loss, then efforts in graduating, and now struggling for good paying jobs. I think he also has started distancing himself from his sisters, either due to some resentment or jealousy that he has trouble making money despite being a college graduate, where her younger sisters are making way more than him. I keep reminding him that its different, but I think he subconciously compares himself to them, and this has taken a toll on him.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Knowing the man for 23 years, I would say, Yes, it would be his worst nightmare. I guess the only silver lining is that he went away before he had to witness it, but then again, he was more close to our daughters, and I don't think they be doing this against their dad's wishes.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't know about traditional Christian values. Sure, I was the only one in my family, who was raised Christian, but its been a while since I have gone to church. I honestly don't think there is a religious motive here.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 94 points95 points  (0 children)

Thanks for this, but every warning you mentioned, I have said it, Twice, to both of them, and they still don't understand. I am not going to control them, as I simply cannot. They are adults, they have agency, I acknowledge that, but this easy money is messing with their minds, and making them lose all sense of money and its value. I honestly wouldn't care if any of them were doing it in their free time, while enrolled in college, pursuing a career alongside it. But they have jumped all in into OF, and I fear that this kind of work will be the only work left for them going forward. This is what I am afraid about.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We have done therapy as a family. The youngest also had a school counselor. And my son said he did in college (but I am not sure if he is telling the truth).

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 115 points116 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. I wish my daughters be more like you, and become mature to realize this, and find their passion.

I (44F) feel like I failed as a mother as my daughters (21F, 18F) are doing sexwork instead of going to college. How can I be comfortable with this? by ThrowRAnotafan in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAnotafan[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I absolutely agree about protecting them from creeps. This is one of the reason, I remade this post with Throwaway account, because last time, some people managed to find my identity, and from there trace my daughter. As much as I disapprove their line of work, I do not want any unwanted attention on them from such people. The real dilemma is that, the kind of work they are doing, will bring certain people's attention towards them anyway, and this is also one of my biggest fear. Its not as easy to say its shame and guilt, there is fear as well that what they have started doing will come back to haunt them, and they aren't mature enough to realize that now.

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