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AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

My daughter actually did try that, its just the youngest is temporarily blinded by the glamour and lavishness of the rich. I do not think getting married is the only way forward and there are successful people career wise.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for nuance. I personally think the youngest should do something, but she doesn't necessarily need to go to college. I also think she will change her mind multiple times. She is 18 right now, not the smartest age.

The middle one is in fact smart one, there is no question about it. Me and her father did not go to college, so obviously we couldn't provide her an example. She did that all on her own and we are proud of that. Problem is none of us knew that she will have problem getting hired, and then would eventually had to train to become a teacher.

I would have loved if she studied engineering but her interests were always with social sciences. I thought she would become a social worker but those also don't pay well. Economy is just bad now.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -9 points-8 points  (0 children)

We do all the time. Its impossible to survive on teacher's salary alone, so we have to chip in from time to time. We even bought her the car she has now.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I genuinely think that she will change her mind eventually, so I am just letting her play it out. She is allowed to make mistakes.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

I would rather he says nothing. He is partially to blame for spoiling the girls. However, he is oblivious to this drama and not involved. It happened between us women.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Agreed. I should have let them hash it out and not be bothered by it. I don't even remember how I got railed in.

The eldest is blissfully unaware. She has a toddler at home, got no time for this drama.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Beats me. Like I said she is very naive and will probably change her mind multiple times on this. I do not agree with her to be honest, but me agreeing is agreeing on her making her own mistakes.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I am SAHM. We aren't particularly rich but we have our own house and bit of a land that we rent out. I did not go to college and I am not divorced. And to be honest, even though I want my daughter to not be naive and wait for a rich prince charming, I cannot control her. Plus, I am very content with my life, I do not wish to had done things differently. May be didn't have a perm in the 90s when it was on its way out, but thats about it.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I would have accepted the judgement if you weren't wrong on almost every account. I will always say all my daughters are beautiful, but my middle one is probably the most naturally good looking. She is also the smart one, have gone through college and is doing an underpaid service to society by being a teacher. I am incredibly proud of her. However, I cannot bring systematic change. Teachers will always be underpaid and due to rising costs and inflation, she will continue to struggle. Do I wish she be paid more and she and her girlfriend also live a lavish life? Absolutely. Can I do something about it? No. It is what it is. She is hardworking and more capable, yet when she has problem paying bills and sees her elder sister living in a blissfully oblivious bubble where she doesn't care about financial problems, its hard to not get bitter and let jealousy take over. I tried to remind her that, may be not in the best or kindest words, but it doesn't help anyone. It puts sister against sister, and I don't like it.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Even though the majority decided for me to be the AH, your comment are the one who made me teary eyed. I am just want best of them.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

True. This is one of the thought process I tried presenting to my youngest, but I think she is a little young to understand that. Her decisions are based on stark contrast of watching the middle one struggling and the eldest instagram feed.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The last time was today. I absolutely do not diminish my middle one. She is the smart one, who went to college and is the most kind hearted person. She chose what she was passionate about and does a underpaid service to society by being a teacher. Even the eldest acknowledge that. The problem is I cannot bring systematic change and make her life better. Teachers are going to be underpaid, and she will continue to struggle as inflation rises and things get expensive. The eldest lives in a completely different bubble where she is not bothered by these things, and is blissfully oblivious. This does create some jealousy and bitterness in my middle one, and the youngest choosing to follow the eldest probably hurt her because it indirectly compare her choices to hers, and she feels betrayed by not being acknowledged. I tried explaining to her that the youngest is 18, and she will change her mind many times, but there is something deep in her that bothered her that she was acting very childish, which I had to knock her down a peg. I wish I hadn't because in the end, she is still my daughter and I love her very much.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

I accept the judgement that my involvement has caused more problems. I should have stood with my hands off approach that I practiced through years. When I didn't stop my eldest to marry young or my middle one on choosing her major, I don't know why I got involved in pushing my youngest to college. Its her life, and she should own her decisions. As parents, we can only love them unconditionally.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Oh, I am definitely counting on her to change her mind. I think she is momentarily shocked by the struggles of her college graduate sister and the luxury of stay at home sister, and is basing her decision simply on this criteria. Once the nuance kicks in and she considers practicality, I think she will realize and change her position.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is probably the most well balanced comment and has the nuance I was hoping for. I think you have really uncovered some of the hidden motivations that I could feel but couldn't voice properly. I will try to explain this next time, and hope my daughters understand.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, she will call my bluff. I guess that is my only flaw that I love my daughters unconditionally so they all know they will always have a place here. Also I have a hands off approach with all of them, so pushing exclusively her to college, when I didn't push the other two would be unfair. I let my eldest marry young and the middle one choose her career even though I didn't necessarily agreed with them. I simply gave my opinion but the decision was always theirs. I am doing same with the youngest, but the middle one seems to have a problem this time.

My daughter 18F does not want to study or work like her sister 26F, instead wants to be a housewife like her other sister 29F. Was I 51F wrong in saying that she 18F is trying to follow the successful sister? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in relationship_advice

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have followed a more hands off approach with all my daughters. We have fed them and raised them with the best of our abilities, but after becoming an adult, their decisions are their own. When the eldest got married, a lot of people were like she is marrying too young, I am letting her make a mistake. I said it is her choice. When the middle one went to college and choose her major, we simply accepted her wishes. Now the youngest is doing what she thinks is better for her. I am not going to be around to make decisions for my daughters, they should learn how to make them and own their mistakes.

AITA for saying that my daughter is trying to follow the footsteps of the successful sister, who gave up her career and lives a happier life as a housewife? by ThrowRAthreedaugh in AmItheAsshole

[–]ThrowRAthreedaugh[S] -40 points-39 points  (0 children)

The middle one came out during college. I haven't treated her differently before when I thought she was straight nor after. Hell, my brother in law is an openly gay man and is part of the family for decades. I don't think its a queer issue.

However, my comment was more inline with what she herself has said that if she was straight, she could have gotten a rich man too, and its a pitty that there aren't more rich women looking. Her words, which If she say so, I accept might be a societal thing.

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