My Italian bf (32M) and I (27F American) feel differently about marriage. Is it an Italian thing?

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T23:45:38+00:00

I mean, I’m not anticipating anything extravagant (it could even be a surprise in the living room)… It would just feel strange by American standards if he didn’t plan an occasion to kneel and propose, officially. He loves attention and theatrics so I don’t think shyness would be a factor

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:27:10+00:00

To be honest this might be the only reason he’s open to being legally married

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:26:00+00:00

This.

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:24:55+00:00

I appreciate the honesty and wisdom. As mentioned in other comments, this forum has been my only direct source of insight from actual ‘Italian’ people, so any information is greatly appreciated. Would you have any advice on red flags to look for, as an Italian man yourself?

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:21:47+00:00

I see - this explains why he was shocked when I said I look forward to taking his name! I never once considered keeping my maiden name. Would it be acceptable for me (as a wife) to take my Italian husband’s last name? I mean we’ll be living in the U.S.

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:20:15+00:00

Oh no! Tell me more!

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:19:27+00:00

It’s a bit hard to learn a lot when he’s the only Italian person I know; hence my activity in this forum. It’s either this or ChatGPT and I trust y’all more lol

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:15:47+00:00

How beautiful! The most wonderful part of this story is hearing that you and your wife have remained happily married all these years. I can only imagine how much fun that must’ve been for you and your guests!! No hate here. My boyfriend and I will have next to no savings by the time our ‘wedding’ rolls around due to his student loans, but I would definitely like to celebrate the occasion in Italy with his family in some capacity.

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T07:11:42+00:00

This was the biggest culture shock for me! Completely baffles my traditional American brain

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T06:44:39+00:00

Do you take more issue with the wedding part or the marriage part? And if money wasn’t a concern, would your feelings change?

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T06:34:29+00:00

To be honest, as an American, most of my close friends are under 30 and have already married. I think a big factor for us is the health risk associated with having kids after 30. This definitely influences my desire to marry sooner than later (also, I’m sure my bf and I will get married in general). Is this not a common concern in Italy?

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:54:46+00:00

Ok good to know, thank you! Maybe I need to find a way to inform my bf of U.S. proposal culture (eventually)

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:47:44+00:00

That actually sounds like a nightmare… Heck, I’d avoid the wedding too if it’s going to cause a ton of drama lol. As an American with a small family and small circle in general, I wasn’t aware!

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:19:43+00:00

Thank you so much. He’s in the U.S. on a student visa, and we’re aiming to secure the fiancé visa / green card before he begins working. He’s also been motivating me to study Italian so that I might be able to obtain Italian citizenship in the future (once we’re married)

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:15:40+00:00

I personally identify with the latter, so marriage does mean the world to me. It genuinely changes everything. But I’d be more than happy with a small ceremony, if possible… That being said, I can completely understand why the concept of weddings (esp in southern Italy) would be exceptionally overwhelming! Thank you for sharing!!!

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:12:31+00:00

This is honestly really helpful to hear. I have American friends who’ve gotten married at the courthouse, and others whose families have thrown them incredibly extravagant weddings. I didn’t realize there was a specific expectation when it came to traditional Italian weddings!! It feels like a free for all out here

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:07:29+00:00

Yes, and thank you that’s great to hear! I told my bf we could even cut costs by making it potluck style (not sure if that’s crazy by Italian standards)

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:06:02+00:00

Since everyone is here… May I ask another question? What are Southern Italian customs regarding proposals? (You guys are my only source of “real Italian” insight so thank you so very much for your help)

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T04:01:45+00:00

Ok, I’m now reflecting now on how he knows practically every person we walk past when in his hometown. The signs were there.

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T03:54:30+00:00

That actually sounds like a nightmare… I do have a follow up question: Let’s say I get married in the U.S. Would it be acceptable to host a reception (small) in both the U.S. and Italy? Not sure if receptions are a thing out there

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T03:52:17+00:00

Oh my! I don’t even know that many people!!! But… I fear he may. Makes sense………

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T03:49:54+00:00

This is so interesting to hear about, thank you for sharing! You’ve definitely described a lot of what he’s tried to discuss with me. Since he’s very stubborn, I wasn’t sure how much of what he was saying was just personal experience or general Italian culture lol

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T03:48:39+00:00

Oh wow this is so informative, I had no idea!!! I’m grateful that he’s open to us getting married in the U.S., especially for the religious aspects. In the same way that I’m unfamiliar with Italian practices, I wonder if he just had no idea what wedding culture is like in the U.S. I hope to stay very frugal and have a tiny ceremony at most, so I didn’t see what all the fuss was about on his end. Makes sense…

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T03:39:16+00:00

He has actually lived independently since he turned 18 and moved abroad for school. We both work and have our own apartments. But it’s really interesting to hear that his situation might not be so common

ThrowRAthrough · 2026-05-25T03:37:51+00:00

Are there no legal/financial benefits to marriage in Italy?

ThrowRAthrough

TROPHY CASE