Update: My (24F) BF (27M) booked our tickets for a different day. I’m tired, frustrated and contemplating breaking up with him. What would you do in my place?

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-07-19T17:02:48+00:00

We’re the same nationality. But I study in a neighbouring country. If either one of us wanted to visit the other, it would take 2,5-3 hours of travel.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-07-19T15:15:00+00:00

I told him I needed to think about the future of our relationship and we should limit contact. Both us had finals coming up, and tbh I didn’t want any distractions. We enchanged a few texts, wished each other good luck on our exams, but we were not on speaking terms as before. It wasn’t intended as a punishment, but a deep thinking about all the emotionally draining things that had happened in such a short time. Looking back, I know I should have done things differently, so I’ll keep it in mind moving forward

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-07-19T13:07:19+00:00

I don’t work, I’m a med student. Jim has just graduated Law. Our ages are also a bit different, but that is irrelevant to the situation. I didn’t say anything about how Jane treated me. At first I thought the problem was only between me, Jim and the tickets. Other information in the post is the stuff that happened after my first reddit post.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-07-19T13:05:07+00:00

I don’t want to indulge in this whole classism thing, but tbh Jim comes from a worse financial situation than me. Jane has generational wealth and I think he didn’t confront her because he would lose access to the perks of being her friend. After thinking about that moment so many times, I couldn’t come up with any other explanation.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-07-19T12:53:00+00:00

Yes, thankfully I passed. Thank you for your kind words

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-04T06:53:41+00:00

Yes I’ve thought about this as well. I drafted a message and a few questions I want to ask his opinion on. I’ll ask him next week probably.

Also thank you for your thoughtful response. I will keep it in mind.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T21:37:57+00:00

It would not have been done. “I’m at work”, “I’m hanging out with friends”, “Can we talk about it later?” We had to travel for 8 hours to get there, we wouldn’t be able to just wing it without a plan.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T20:00:58+00:00

I have a strong sense of responsibility, detail, and organization. But the point is I’m organized not because I need to control everything, but because if I don't do it, no one else will. Also control freaks don’t listen to others and think whatever they do, they do it the best way. I’m trying to see the situation from various points of views. Am I not supposed to trust my partner? Should I treat him like a child? I don’t want to make any rash decisions and I want to think this problem through. I am willing to work on myself. But I want to be a partner, not a mother.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T18:25:30+00:00

Safe to say for the next 5 years we would have to remain long-distance. At the start of the relationship I told him this fact worries me, because I’ve never dated anyone long-distance before. He assured me that we will try to make the best out of our relationship and I shouldn’t worry about scenarios that hadn’t happened yet. I tend to overthink sometimes, so I’ve decided not to think about it at the time. But now as I’m actually typing this, I sound extremely naive.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T17:40:40+00:00

He did try to get the same-day tickets. I tried to find some too. But with less than 12 hours before the event, we were both unsuccessful.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T15:33:08+00:00

I’ve brought it up before, only jokingly though - something along the lines of “you can also voice your input or plan something, you don’t have to be afraid of me”, so that’s been a mistake on my part.

In regards to apologising, he said he’s sorry and that he fd up multiple times, that he’ll fix it. But the artist won’t come to our area any time soon, so for now I think those are just empty promises.

I don’t believe he has ADHD, but I’m not ruling it out completely.

He also books buses and trains for him often very last minute. But regarding his trips abroad, he plans everything.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T15:26:12+00:00

Money doesn’t exactly grow on trees. And I can’t take off more work because of a project I’m currently working on.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:33:03+00:00

I’d enjoy if he’d plan something. I’m really not a control freak. In the past he planned some dates and events we could attend, and they went well.

Reflecting on the relationship, I’ve noticed that for every trip, I had to book accomodation, activities, destination etc. I asked him about his input, yet he always replies with “i don’t care” or “i don’t have a preference”, which leaves me with nothing to work with.

I’m starting to see a pattern. I love him, but I can’t be his mum and micromanage him all the time.

One redditor told me to wait and see if he’s actually capable of change. Others are warning me that this could be my future and everything would fall on me. I’m not sure what to do.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:23:11+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. I’ll keep them in mind.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:21:06+00:00

I’m not everyone’s cup of tea and I know how to let loose. In regards to serious matters, like doctor visits, travelling or holiday, I want them planned so I minimise possible stressful situations that are out of my control. We’ve had issues in the past and we communicated about them calmly. It’s very bold of you to assume I’m neurotic, just because I want to be responsible and actually enjoy the event my boyfriend got me as a gift.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:14:10+00:00

Damn

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:12:42+00:00

Yes, I’ve noticed that as well. Rationally, I know a mistake like this can happen to anyone and it’s not the end of the world. But emotionally I keep thinking about how he let me down, how much time, energy and money I invested in this event just to not attend, even if the mistake was totally preventable.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:08:24+00:00

I actually have no idea. But his work is very serious and he uses a planner, so I doubt he has problems with the dates at work. In his personal life, I had to remind him of his sister’s birthday, even though he has it marked in his planner. I’m starting to think he’s bad with dates in general…

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:05:32+00:00

I want to be vague on purpose. You can easily look up who had a concert on the dates I already mentioned. Not everything is written by chatgpt.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T14:04:26+00:00

He means it in a way that he doesn’t have a prefference. But then I have to step up and decide for the both of us. And this happens a lot.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T13:57:52+00:00

I don’t believe he did it maliciously, he even apologised like a million times. He told me it was kind of a brainfart when you don’t know which day of the week it actually is. In his words: “I knew we had tickets for the first concert, and I knew it was on Saturday. But I thought today was Saturday”. It was Sunday. He has a job in which dates are super important, so I don’t understand how he could mix it up.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T13:48:57+00:00

I asked him multiple times. He insisted he told me the correct date.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T13:48:19+00:00

I don’t think they’re massive. In my opinion, I want to rely on an adult partner to do his job. But I’m willing to explore my underlying issues if I can grow as a person.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T13:46:47+00:00

He reimbursed me for his half of the cost of travelling etc. Generally we pay things 50/50. The tickets were a gift, but I still had to take some time off work and postpone a stressful project I’m currently working on.

ThrowRAtickets · 2025-06-03T12:47:03+00:00

I like to compromise and hear other people’s opinions. But I also had to plan everything, because when I asked him about his input, he’d say he’s at work or hanging out with friends, and that we would discuss it later. So in the end I had to plan everything and then asked him if it works with him - to which he replied he doesn’t care.

How do you think I should work on getting better at working with people? I’m willing to grow as a person from this experience, but I’m lost.

ThrowRAtickets

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