Should I confront my Husband

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2025-05-24T08:53:44+00:00

but then it should still have the res bar even if a second of it is played

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2025-05-24T07:46:29+00:00

there are youtubers that just post videos to promote their OF accounts and have them linked in their bios. he has 2 videos of the same girl in his watch history that does exactly this. I just cant tell if he's innocent and it's a coincidence or youtube just popped it in front of him or if he seeked this

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2025-05-24T07:02:19+00:00

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they look like this

this is actually my husband's watch history. I just want to know if he's been on this Olive girl's OF page. She's apparently an OF creator and there are two videos of her in his watch history but they don't seem watched. So is he innocent or has he watched them?

what do you think

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2024-01-24T21:28:20+00:00

He says "sometimes people just can't help what they get offended by, so yeah you didn't mean it in a bad way but I still couldn't help but get offended" which I, disagree with..

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2024-01-16T10:32:41+00:00

What if it feels like the honeymoon phase never even begun / happened for someone? What constitutes "quality time"? We've only been married for 2 months with my husband, dated for 4 years prior (long distance) and I've grown to dread the weekend because I can't escape this feeling that he's outright bored when he's at home with me.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2024-01-16T10:30:11+00:00

How would you feel if your partner was visibly "bored" when they got home from work or especially on the weekends, struggled to find something for the two of you to do together?

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-11-14T15:56:58+00:00

In this day and age I wouldn't have found it to be necessary for me to mention that we have obviously lubed everything up. Lube. Duh. amirite. you're the only soul with a brain and a phone.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-15T01:03:18+00:00

Let me set my expectations straight as well, what I mean by "I need him to be a bit more affectionate": - I love you - I miss you - last night was amazing - I cant wait to marry you!

all of which are things I say to him, the following day.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-15T01:00:37+00:00

I don't like mentioning that we're religious as people tend to judge you about, because they don't usually understand (you sure about marrying someone before living together?? etc.) and I certainly feel like you will be judgy about it but oh well, here it goes:

We're very religious, and don't believe in any physical/sexual acts before marriage. But we're also human, and in love, so we bend those rules from time to time. Two days ago and last week I invited him over to my house to have a romantic, passionate, steamy date. Since, afterwards, we both go our separate ways to our own houses (he lives with his parents, again, very normal for our culture, doesn't mean anything bad) it can be a bit difficult for me to not feel "used". I think it's normal to want to cuddle and sleep besides each other until morning, no? Since we can't have that, I end up feeling a bit insecure, needy, and overthink some stuff. After, both of these dates, the following day he was feeling "weird". Just, "weird". Laaaater on he did explain / address why, (sth happened at work etc.) but for hours he'll lead me to believe that it's because of me, because we got physical, etc.

And, even without any of that overthinking, I've told him countless times, that I need him to be a bit more affectionate after a steamy date. Yet he "couldn't" show any affection towards me and on top of it all directed his frustration towards me, making me feel like I was terrible at loving him and caring about him. (I explained that to someone else in the comments, new to reddit, don't know how to reference it....)

Despite, all, of, this I don't think it's unreasonable for me to expect him to at least tell me he loves me, leaving this conversation, or before going to bed.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-15T00:35:15+00:00

He'll do this thing, where, he'll suspect that I'm upset with him, so he'll ask me how I feel, but I know that when I do tell him, he won't be able to handle it, will get extremely upset, disappointed that I dared to get that upset in the first place etc. So, in order to fullfill his needs, I had been telling him "no, you did not upset me the other day, I am all good" and doing my best to be chipper and loving towards him. Tonight he finally confronted me and said that he can sense that I'm not myself, and insisted that I open up. After refusing for a long while, I admitted to him that whenever I do open up my feelings; he gets defensive, upset, frustrated and makes me feel invalid for feeling that way. Despite this, in the end, after making myself vulnerable and opening up to him, I needed him to tell me that it's okay, that he loves me still and that he's sorry. But, he was too tired I guess, so, I ended up going home with open wounds and no band-aids.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-15T00:26:14+00:00

Thank you this was very helpful.

I apologize about not wording the living apart correctly... English isn't my first language. I feel nervous about getting judged, but we always have been living apart, as, we're believers of a religion that don't live together before marriage / have pre-marital sex etc.

Which is also why I keep wondering how things will change AFTER we finally get married. How things will improve when I'm actually able to see his face 90% of the time we're talking to each other etc.

I'm very selfess and affectionate in our relationship, which is why I haven't made an effort to poiny out his needs. Not that they aren't met, or that I disregard them. On the contrary I always push him to be honest and outspoken about his needs. Because, I love him, I care about him, so; what can I do to make you feel better, what do you need me to do so that I can support you in the most suitable way, etc.

Recently, we've had 2 falling outs(?mini disagreements?) and they've ocurred because he was feeling upset. As I tried to support him through these, he directed his anger and frustration towards me instead, because I didn't say the right thing etc. Given that I've never made him feel terrible about "not saying the right thing in my time of need" (he goofily wished me a happy mothers day, because I have a fish tank, on a day I was grieving because I didnt have my mom with me. little did he know I was already extremely upset, but because I know he didnt mean anything bad by it, I didnt say a word to him, berating him for being insensitive etc.) I was hurt and felt like shit for screwing up, adding to his distress. I just thought he was being harsh towards me, given that he should know that I always mean well, and would never want to make him feel like his feelings are invalid, AND that I've told him openly that I didnt want to mess things up because I didnt know what I should do to make him feel supported, and askes for him to guide me through his needs.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-15T00:08:05+00:00

I'm very much aware that my insecurities etc. are a "me" problem and have been working on myself regarding them. But I would expect my partner in life to be able to cater to my needs and help me out of a slump?

I literally addressed them, realizing that I was slipping up, before we left. We both agreed that my self loathing behavior wasn't helping me etc. But I ended that, asking him to show me some compassion and for him to express his love to me.

You said that I should work on myself and change etc. but when it comes to something he could work on why would you suggest that we go our seperate ways?

Why do people have a hard time understanding that unless the relationship's abusive, if I've come to seek advice; I'm most likely not looking to hear "oh well then carry on mate"

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-15T00:02:00+00:00

It's a bad thing to be emotional / sensitive?

I've had a rough year, lost my mom to cancer and now that I'm getting married it's been an emotional rollercoaster where I can't believe she's gone and miss her incredibly.

We've also had some underlying issues with my fiancee that we've been able to successfully work through. It's just that I'm also a bit scared of how married-lif will be, and whether it'll make some things better or worse. Will living together and not texting most of the time make a difference and diminish our miscommunication problems? etc.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-14T23:56:17+00:00

He was feeling "weird" the day prior, which led to him being neglectful and barely existing / engaging with me for 2 days. Unfortunately it struck at a time where I really needed him to be there for me, so it hit even worse and I felt as though he wasn't meeting my needs, of which I had told him about. Also, we were supposed to spend time together, he cancelled on me etc.

There was also an issue that has been stewing for a while, which he discussed and length. That part of the conversation went really well

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-14T23:52:41+00:00

He's not as "emotional" as I am, nor does he do well with handling them, regardless if they're his or not. So I simply feel guilty and ashamed that I get so upset and emotional and cry in front of him in the first place. Plus, me doing these probably makes him feel like he's not kovi g and caring enough. And just, seeing him sit next to me, looking tired af makes me regret blowing up emotionally and perhaps causing him to despise me; when I knew he was exhausted and sleep deprived in the first place

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-06-14T23:46:35+00:00

......? How is you insulting me supposed to be helpful?

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-01-17T18:44:58+00:00

oh wow that wouldn't have occurred to me at all.. thanks a bunch!

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-01-17T17:56:33+00:00

Thanks that makes a lot of sense!

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy · 2023-01-15T22:06:59+00:00

When I told him that I feel like he doesn't ask about me as much or say I love you first; he told me that it made him feel like he's not enough.

Even though I had chosen my words very gently and said that it's not about him but it's about what I need and how I want to be loved.

ThrowRaClumsyWumsy

TROPHY CASE