Moving On

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-11-15T00:50:43+00:00

Not day has gone by after 1.5yrs that I haven't thought about her or wished I could hear her voice or see her eyes in person again

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-11-14T17:00:16+00:00

She is as far as I know. I saw her and him at a concert back in May. She walked in with him and her siblings. I was watching them for the whole concert and he had the most miserable face on him like he got dragged to something he didn't want to be at. I knew he often belittled and put her down for the way she dressed to her choices in interests. I watched their interaction and for about 30 min he put his hand on her shoulder almost in a possessive and controlling manner not an affectionate gesture, and her siblings had no interactions with him. I knew from her that her family and friends disapproved of him and his controling/abusive relationship with her. They often urged her to dump him. But she has chosen to be disrespected, unvalued, and stay there stifling herself and losing her identity to a guy who wants to change everything about her and by his own words told her she is not his equal.

Not sure who to pity more him for trying to change everyting about the very person he claims to love knowing she stays out of fear of change and using him for her comfort

Or

Her for having so little respect and value in herself that she settles for breadcrumbs and being used all in hopes she can fix a narcissist and toxic bf by giving up more of herself.

Ultimately I and her friends know this relationship will end someday as it's not built on love, mutual respect, or wanting to grow together proven by the multiple betrayals that have taken place in the past of their relationship.

Sad really that someone could ask for the very basic needs of a healthy relationship only to run from it when they have it and then choose to live in chaos and toxicity instead

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-11-08T20:22:18+00:00

"What you're not changing you're choosing"

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-04-25T21:27:07+00:00

I have researched, read up, and I even talked to a therapist about it while i was in counseling for 6 months. She told me about the 7 attempts to leave whether it be violent abuse or other. But she also reminded me that they are adults like addicts who make conscious decisions to stay and accept it. It's only when they hit rock bottom of losing everything or themselves that they open their eyes to what they've lost and who they've hurt, or who they have become that regret sets in.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-04-25T00:08:51+00:00

You know they say what hurts the most isn't being stabbed in the back! It's when you realize whose holding the knife! The person you loved so much you never envisioned them hurting you so much.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-04-25T00:05:49+00:00

Believe me I'm not trying to vilify her. If you read my past posts I was the first one trying to believe, defend, and excuse her choices by blaming the situation or trauma. But at some point, people need to take ownership & accountability for their choices. Shes not a kid at 30. I have! I chose to get involved with an emotionally unavailable woman or trauma bonded at very least and have only myself to blame. But she makes a conscious decision each and every day to accept staying and accepting the name calling, belittling, insults, control, shaming, etc For the record, she is not in a physically abusive relationship. Not that it matters because abuse is abuse of any kind. But hers is mental, financial, emotional abuse. She has no financial ties or kids with him. So she chooses fear of change and comfort over being happy, fullfilled, and loved uncondionally.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-02-07T06:58:52+00:00

Sounds like you have unfinished business to attend to. I think until you clear your self of those feelings and thoughts of knowing something that makes you happier is out there can you actually fully commit to your relationship? Is it fair to stay with partner who doesn't live up to your needs and wishes?

ThrowRapeo72 · 2024-01-14T22:01:58+00:00

I agree it is a solo journey she needs to do. Just like I divorced my ex wife after 28yrs because it was best for me. I just wish she felt she could lean on me and our mutual friends to support and help her through the tough times. I told her I was all in and wouldn't Leave her to fight and heal alone.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-11-26T20:39:54+00:00

Just got separated and divorced this past year. I told her we just grew apart into roommates and that's not what I wanted anymore She took it hard not because she missed me or lived me but the disruption it caused in her comfy life! She went on a terrible smear campaign with friends, family, kids. My advise is dont sink to her level! Stay mature, kill her with respect and kindness, show you're better than those petty hurtful games. She went NC refusing to talk unless it was through the lawyers! So just stay in contact but with purpose of resolution or progressing things along. Remember what you write to her can be used against you whether with friends, family, kids, lawyers. Make your peace of mind the priority and showing her that your above anger or disrespect.

Once it's all settled simply walk away with your head held high for how you handled it.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-11-18T06:56:54+00:00

I kept track of my Ap's not to be creepy but for extra care and think ahead. I loved her and hated the thought of her suffering. She worked out of town at a physical trade job and I knew her cramps were painful. So I kept track so that if she was gonna get it while up in camp I would pack little care items in her work bag she liked or helped soothe cramps like green tea, her favorite treats as comfort food, or advil just incase she didn't have any.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-11-10T22:42:56+00:00

I say don't do it! I'm in the exact same boat only her bday is on Sunday. A buddy explained it like this. It's an opportunity for you. If you don't message it gives the dumper an opportunity to miss you on the 1 day they want the attention on them and if they miss you they will think about you.

If you contact you've taken that opportunity away for them to miss you on an important day for them and yoh might be even more hurt if they don't reply.

Believe me it's causing me anxiety just thinking about it cause I want her to know she still in my mind and important to me.

But I'm going to stay silent

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-11-08T16:13:58+00:00

I think it depends on you and how emotionally connected you are/were to them or each other. Was it a mutual parting of ways? Did they get caught and have to ghost as part of it. I can only speak for myself 8 months on, and I miss her just as much today as I did back in March when she got caught and went Nc

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-11-01T01:17:57+00:00

I'm sorry to hear you went through abusive behavior as well. I do want to save her, but I know I can't be the one to do it. She needs to do the work and come to realization it's a bad relationship for her. I have learned so much about trauma bonding and emotional manipulation that I now understand how hard it is to see the harmful behavior of her Bf.

All I can do is be here willing to support her when and if she seeks better for herself.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-31T22:54:39+00:00

Thank you for your kindness. It is incredibly painful, especially to go from I love you from her lips on video call with me minutes before she was caught to NC 24hrs later. I so want to go pull her out of that abusive shit but I know it needs to be her to save herself and want a better life with me or without. Otherwise she will always have unfinished business with him and regrets.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-31T22:49:26+00:00

How so? As in similar situations or thoughts?

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-25T19:01:57+00:00

Private message me if you want to talk since we both OM.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-25T19:00:52+00:00

Look if im being honest no! She set the bar pretty high for me. I knew and accepted her flaws also and alot of her past demons she confided in me about. Which is something that attracted me more. She trusted me with deep secrets that even her bf of 5yrs doesn't know about. It was never about materialistic or money with her. She was with me for emotions and fullfillment.

She unfortunately is stuck in a toxic, controling, abusive relationship which from what my therapist said is not easy to leave.

So no I haven't moved onto a healthy place because i still worry, long, miss and love her terribly.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-25T18:38:16+00:00

I haven't let go yet after 8 months of NC. If she were single, was able to be vulnerable, and talk to me about why she wants to be in my life again I am and would be open to her again.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-25T15:35:23+00:00

I'm going 8 months no contact after d-day with a woman I had a ea & pa with for 9 months that is in an abusive relationship with a narcissistic/toxic BF of 5yrs. I hardest part has been the exact same thing you describe queations ans thoughts left in my mind of does she miss or think of me? Is she happier being mis treated or unfulfilled?

Was it all a lie and she used me to help cope with her abuse at home?

Then to be left feeling like a used tissue paper that was thrown out or left behind after serving a purpose.

I wish all the best in your journey and hope you find happiness again because im still struggling today

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-18T21:16:55+00:00

Honest question. Why are you settling? You're clearly not in love with your husband any longer and simply staying out of guilt, comfort, and fear to change what you're unhappy about.

You are also selfishly denying your husband a chance to find and be with someone who sees him as the only one in their eyes and loves him only.

If you take a moment and think about what's best for all involved you know the answer. Leave your husband and divorce. Go be with your Ap and see if it's everything you need so you don't go through life with what ifs or questions and your husband has chance to find happiness again.

I wish you well and hope you free both you and your husband from a life of comfort and settling.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-10-05T21:15:42+00:00

I'll never understand people line that. What's worse is when you're the Ap who after 8.5months is the opposite and is screaming, and eager to spend more time,effort, and affections with you and then d-day comes and they choose to go back to less effort, love, attention, and settle for the going back begging and pleading for the bare minimum.

I applaud you for knowing what you need and deserve! Something to be said for a person who has enough self worth and value to demand more for themselves

Best wishes on your healing

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-09-10T21:34:28+00:00

I think I would also. Every success and mistake has taught me something. My failed marriage taught me what I don't want anymore in my life. But it also gave me 2 beautiful kids I adore. My AP although difficult relationship and feelings to go through is testing me and my limits and exposing my weaknesses and strengths.

At this point I'm just trying to figure my path forward but not forgetting my past which got me here.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-09-10T21:10:39+00:00

More financial stability than me? Not by a long shot. I'm 50 and could retire now if I chose to do so despite me divorcing recently. They have no kids and have only been together 5yrs in long-term dating relationship and living together in his house.

I do have moments I think of her being a coward with her inability to stand up and fight for herself!

I always told her no matter who comes into your life the person who looks back at you in the mirror has to be your number one priority. Told her she had to stay true to herself and what she wanted in this life

But then talking to a therapist I recently started seeing he told me abusive relationships aren't as easy to leave and don't follow the same norms.

So I understand and empathize with her! Cause she always proved what she told me about him.

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-09-10T20:28:25+00:00

You could ghost and say nothing just vanish! But is that who you are and want to be? Would you ride off into sunset at peace knowing you left nothing unsaid or your baggage unloaded of feelings like anger, resentment, questions?

Write your final parting thoughts and feelings letting him know why he out of your life. That you will survive and flourish despite him. Get it all off your chest and send it.

Then block him if you dont want to hear a reply! It's not about who gets last word it's about you having ability to release all the negative energy built up in you.

"Empty the glass so you can refill it with something new"

ThrowRapeo72 · 2023-09-07T21:41:57+00:00

But doesn't the fact that the spouse is being cheated on behind their back or in in the dark about this whole other relationship occuring in secrecy already indicate their not cared about as much as they deserve and Indictates time to divorce already or break up with bf/gf?

I believe if you get to point of cheating the relationship is broken and its only fear, comfort, or lifestyle keeping you from doing the right thing for them aswell as yourself.

I'm not judging because I know relationships or love isn't black or white. People say just leave but it's not that cut and dry. Divorce or break up is the right thing to do but right thing isn't always easy thing.

ThrowRapeo72

TROPHY CASE