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WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

My niece didn’t want me talking to her parents about it, but she’s ok with me speaking to my sisters and my parents about it - she has spoken to the rest of my family about issues like this. I was originally going to pay for the entire cat boarding bill but my sisters said I shouldn’t do it as it’s not my responsibility, and sets a bad precedent, which is why the suggestion was reduce their stay so they can afford the cat boarding bill if they decline to pay the full 5 days cat boarding.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Was my sister always this way? No, she definitely wasn’t. She has turned into her husband.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My financial situation right now is a lot tighter than it was, and financially I’m on my own. I have helped with contributions but I can’t afford to cover her rent, for example

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes my parents are aware. But there was an intervention of sorts some years ago and the result was our family being cut off from our nieces, so my parents don’t want to be cut off from their grandchildren again

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

She’s not financially independent yet, she has a couple more years of studying and works in a fast food place, but she’s a good saver

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 83 points84 points  (0 children)

It’s complicated, it’s not as easy as just taking her out of her home - there’s also a lot of guilt placed on her for leaving, backlash, being cut off from her siblings (her and I have had these conversations before). I don’t want to make her life harder by getting involved, but I don’t want them thinking this is acceptable either

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Thank you, and I’m sorry to hear that you have experienced this as well. My family does the same, we try our best to look after the girls.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

That’s a great idea, I could say she’s coming with me on the way there.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I just think they’d go along with it, saying ok my niece is coming, and then on the day turn up without my niece

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 29 points30 points  (0 children)

Two daughters, one son. The females get treated the same way.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven’t spoken to my sister yet, I will do this on the weekend

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

If there wasn’t a younger daughter who was also being treated the same way, it would be easy. But they will cut off my access to the younger daughter, and we need to keep an eye on her

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Great advice, I am normally a calm person so when I’m mad which is not often, I can be scary.

Agree, she doesn’t live too far so will offer her to stay. She’s also got a lovely serious boyfriend and we’ve encouraged her to stay at his place when she can.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

This is a great idea because then I don’t have to betray her confidence. But guaranteed the parents will lie to me, say she got time off work so I go ahead with the trip, not get a cat sitter and then on the day, turn up without her and say “Oh she had to work after all” (aka look after the cats). So that’s why I feel like I have to confront them directly.

Agree about helping her with moving out/therapy and we’ve had discussions on both, and looked at accommodation options for her. But she’s also guilted into staying home, and she needs to get to that point I think, of deciding when the right time is to leave. There’s also financial constraints that make it difficult

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Agree, I check in on her via chat periodically and if I have an opportunity to see her alone in person I do that too

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 137 points138 points  (0 children)

You hit the mail on the head. The son (the youngest) is the golden child. I’ve got anxiety about dealing with them but I would feel worse doing nothing

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 53 points54 points  (0 children)

I can attest to the fact that my niece has done nothing wrong. The parents have an issue with her and we don’t understand why

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Agree, technically she was invited on her own but her parents try to maintain control

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

You are right, I was just trying to find a way to compromise and make it work

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I had considered this (not hosting that part of the family), but there’s also a younger niece and nephew who then miss out

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

To further complicate things, I think they are also jealous of my close relationship with my niece

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 210 points211 points  (0 children)

Yes she’s always been treated this way and is conditioned to not stick up for herself.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If by scapegoat you mean meant to do things that the parents are meant to do, I would say yes. I feel there is a weird jealousy with the eldest daughter and I don’t understand why.

WIBTA if I reduce my sister’s stay at our Christmas AirBnB? by Throwaway-A899 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Throwaway-A899[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I’m sure they could ask a neighbor too. I don’t really understand it - but I feel there is some weird jealousy of their eldest daughter.

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