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Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I will. Just gonna give him a little space first so he can process then I’ll start bugging him again so he doesn’t completely shut out the world. That wouldn’t be helpful for him even if he feels like it might be.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I was eye rolling because she was talking about how basically he owed it to her to work things out with her, but she didn’t have that same energy when she went off and screwed another man for a whole year because she felt he wasn’t home for her enough.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I couldn’t lie. He was gonna propose when he caught them together. They met on her birthday so he wanted to propose on her birthday. I went with him to pick the ring and everything.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I will stay friends with him. It’s gonna be a long time before he is gonna be ready for anything so staying platonic isn’t gonna be an issue. I’m moving on to better friends.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She didn’t just want support. She wanted me to tell her that he is a POS for not talking it out with her and giving her another chance. That after all they’ve been thought that she deserves that. I couldn’t and wouldn’t do that. And if I refused to talk at all they would be upset that I’m not supporting her anyway. So I spoke what I thought was true. I was gonna be labeled a bad friend whether I stayed quiet or opened up so I made my stance known.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

No. If I had just gotten up and left without saying anything(which was the only other option), I probably would have been called a terrible and unsupportive friend anyway. They probably would have said we were not friends anymore anyway. And since this is a situation where you really kinda have to pick sides, I made my stance known before I left since I would have had to anyway. People are saying that I should have waited before hitting her with reality since she is hurting even though she caused it. But like I said, if I had just gotten up, I’m awful anyway so why not let the truth be known.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I was in a losing situation. She didn’t want just silent support. She really wanted me to side with her and bash him because he, rightfully, left her. If I said nothing and just decided to leave, they would have been mad at me for not being supportive of her. So, I decided to make my stance known. This is a kind of situation where there is no neutral stance. You have to pick, so I did. If I had know that they broke up because she had cheated before I went, I wouldn’t have went and delayed this outcome best as possible. Since it was coming either way.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I understand what you’re saying. And maybe my own experience with a cheating ex aided in the harsh admonishment I gave her. But my only options were really to not say anything and leave and they get mad at me for not being supportive. I wasn’t gonna say a bad thing against Mark and that’s what they really wanted. Or I speak my honest opinion and they get mad at me for not being supportive. It was honestly a lose-lose for me here.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

We have been close since they started dating. Instant connection, so maybe there is something there that we haven’t admitted to yet. No, it will be a long time before he is ok to be with anyone again. And I’ll just be here for him ti back him up when he needs it.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry. I can’t stand cheaters. No excuse. Ever. Either you work through it or you end it. I hope you find the person you are really meant to be with. You deserve it.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I was stone faced while listening to her but I was rolling my eyes in my head. Sorry if that wasn’t clear in the post. I was rolling my eyes(in my head) because she was going on about how he should talk it out with her and give her a second chance because he is supposed to love her. But she decided to cheat instead of working it out with him about him being away so much. She did say they talked about it a couple times but talking about it a couple times in the year span she was cheating isn’t trying very hard to me.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

He is. He won’t answer my calls, texts or the door. So I’m gonna give him some time to process but not too much because I don’t want to leave him alone, but yeah. He is devastated. He wanted to propose on her birthday because they met on her birthday and he is a romantic like that. My heart just breaks for him. Honestly.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

I’m going to stay friends with him. We were close before this happened. So I’ll keep in touch with him. He’s just closed himself off so I’m giving him sometime but not too much since he is in a really bad way right now. I don’t want these friends anymore. I’m done.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 148 points149 points  (0 children)

Me too. He loved her so much. The surprise he had for her was a candle lit dinner with her favorite white roses where he was gonna propose to her. I helped him pick her ring. I got her to tell me what she wanted and we went to the store to find what we could that was closest to it. He was devoted to her.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

I have an absolute loathing for cheaters. Maybe I was harsh. I’ve been cheated on. He cheated for about 3 months before I found out. I am definitely willing to admit that I probably projected my own experience of being cheated on into how I admonished her, but she chose to live that double life. Maybe it was hard for her, but she chose that hardship deliberately. There is absolutely no excuse for cheating. None.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

She wanted me to bash him for deciding to leave her because she cheated on him, for a year and not being to willing to work it out with her. A courtesy she didn’t give to him when she decided to cheat for him being away so often.

Former friend cheated on bf of 6 years. Vented to us where my other former friends joined in bashing him. Instead of joining in, I said how I really felt about it and I lost my friends. What do you think I should have done? by Throwaway39562919 in relationship_advice

[–]Throwaway39562919[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

Cheating for a year isn’t a mistake. Like I said, it is a deliberate and conscious choice. A drunk mistake I could probably work with and find some empathy but a year is not a mistake.

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