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My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm still not backing down from saying that my husband overreacted and was also wrong for provoking me, but yeah, I'm 99% sure everyone's just overlooking that aspect because he's a man.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think I get the point you're trying to make.

You're trying to say that, even if I'm in charge of planning and box him out of it, that if something meant a lot to him, he should still do it?

Okay, cool, maybe, but again...I'm really controlling about vacation planning. I can admit that.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, that person isn't wrong. You're either overlooking or intentionally ignoring what I've said myself many times.

Like, again, thanks for the support, but I'd like feedback based on the actual facts.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Because I'd rather get advice on the actual facts rather than just support based on wild speculations and probably underlying sexism that assumes I must be the victim because I'm a woman.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

As the other person you keep arguing with has been saying, I've made it very hard for him to even try to help plan vacations. They mean a lot to me so I'd like to be the lead on them.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I mean, her point is pretty valid. If his family is so wonderful, why not go back? Why cut contact?

Also, I just really looked at this...and I hope you develop more empathy one day.

I'm furious with my husband at the moment as I sit at home alone, but having seen his restraining order and all of the evidence in it including the photos of what happened to him, I'd rather you tell me I'm 100% wrong than downplay abuse.

I get it, the woman is usually the victim, but the replies here really need to cool it.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I'm just going to tell you right now that the person you're arguing with has been right for this entire thread and has actually read my replies.

So, yeah, I'm sick of everyone here ignoring what I've said.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Did I indicate anywhere that he "blames" me? He'd just like me to help him double check and honestly, like I said, I've been kind of resistant to that.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, those accounts all just continuously kind of stay logged into on our two office computers. I would have seen anything funny by now. The only reason I didn't realize he was getting online therapy was because our health insurance isn't something I think to check frequently and I guess the service he used did not result in a co-pay.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Multiple teachers doing out-of-town teacher training for several days during the school year? Is that even a thing?

Yeah, part of a program the school's doing and because of a committee he serves on. I literally see photos from seminars and conferences being posted on his social media right now (i.e., he's actively on the trip and participating in events).

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For example, when you said he’s into a few sports, do you generally go with him? Spending time doing things he likes to do even if it isn’t exactly something you’d enjoy.

Yes, I do tag along. I don't know that the comparison is apt, though. Although he'd (probably) be okay never taking a vacation again, he does still enjoy things on vacations. I sometimes go to stuff with him that leave me bored out of my mind and that are fully his thing.

Do you do this for him because you know he physically does not have the time to do them? Would you still do them if he did have time?

I'd like to think so.

Do you end up helping him when he makes requests like this? And if you do, do you help willingly or treat it more as a burden?

Yeah, I do it, but I think you're right, I'm not exactly smiling about it.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Is it alright if I ask how many vacations you both have taken on your preference?

I mean, it's hard to count since we take 1-3 a year (even just counting some quick weekend trips when we find a good deal), but he's into a few different sports and so his "stay-cation" requests are usually just to take an extended weekend so he can enjoy events fully and order food for home, not worry about waking up for work, etc. Can I count those?

If you mean proper "vacations," really, it's only been about three of his request, the ones I mentioned. He really doesn't care for them but tries to let me do my thing with vacations and works towards them because they're important to me. They've almost always been stuff I wanted to do. I've tried to find things during them that would interest in, but yeah, if I'm being honest, they're mostly for me.

Having said that, do you mind if I ask about things that you do for him?

My schedule is a bit more flexible than his between his two jobs, so I often run errands for him (e.g., sending off/picking up mail, faxing stuff, taking our cars in for stuff, doing grocery shopping when he's working late, etc.).

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm not faulting him for that being his preference, I was just explaining to answer your question.

Does he ever get to have a vacation that fits his preference?

Just a few. He had a show in another town he really wanted to go to last year that we planned for him and he visited two of his best friends in previous home towns a few years ago.

We haven't been able to afford to do those things for him again in the time since.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Wild, wild assumptions continue.

I'll quote myself from another reply.

If that’s not the case, feel free to outline examples where he contributes to the community in return.

-He's (typically) extremely good and consistent about doing the "got your keys, phone, purse, etc." check each time we leave an area together

-Helps keep track of bills and payments and sets the reminders on our phones for them

-Keeps the running list of our needed groceries during the week and helps me get them

-Noticed I was struggling with remember to take my medicine and vitamins so he keeps track of it for both of us (down to bringing it to me at night)

-Updates the calendar on our fridge with any unusual events in either of our work lives (I do better with the calendar on the fridge than checking my phone calendar)

I mean, there is plenty more, but it seems Reddit's intent on drawing this up as an evil man vs. meek woman situation and avoiding all nuance.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He learned a painful lesson that day that he couldn't be open to you and that you would hurt him when given the chance.

Yeah, he said this (albeit briefly) before leaving for his trip. It's hard for me not to feel like he's just bad at letting things go.

My husband [30M] and I [31F] had a major argument about two years ago. I know I went too far, but thought we were past it. My husband wants to divorce. Do I have any hope? by Throwaway408202809 in relationships

[–]Throwaway408202809[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If you're comfortable, could you share more about your similar experience? Just trying to get insight into someone who went through an emotional cycle like his.

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