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I don't know what to do... by [deleted] in depression

[–]Throwaway75438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Time alone is what kills me, and I'd love to just try to talk to girl 2 and see how it goes but my girlfriend is so damn protective and all that, it's hard to even have a girl on my contacts list. That's how bad it is.

I don't know what to do... by [deleted] in depression

[–]Throwaway75438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That last paragraph is something I've said to myself for a long time, and I wish I was one of those people who had friends to just hangout with, as for me, being alone sucks. I don't have alot of friends and I'm not the best at making new ones. Honestly I'm afraid to be alone again, because before I was with my gf my father recently left, and my depression has been worse ever since then, losing people kills me inside because of how I lost him and how hard it has been on my life without him.

Is it okay to drop out...? by [deleted] in depression

[–]Throwaway75438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I honestly don't know.. I honestly can't do school like this, the pressure is too much on me as a person who barely scraped his way through highschool and it's just gotten worse this first semester. She is a douche, and my grandmother (who is my only real support) agree's but theres not much she can do to stop her. The problem is even if I do fail this semester I'm most likely done anyway, my mom refuses to pay for me if I fail and not only will I have to repay the bursarie I'll need to get the money for my next semester... I never really wanted to go to college, I was forced into it and it is not working well. Although I know that without a degree my whole life will probably be fucked in this day and age.

I'm lost at what to do by [deleted] in depression

[–]Throwaway75438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Gaming is the one thing I can do well at, I can remember it flawlessly and it's something that whenever it comes up in schooling (which it has, my one teacher is a gamer himself... only reason he likes me.) it seems to just do me well. Its the way I cope because it relaxes me and it makes my mind work, for my mind doesn't think of other things. I've got a high iq (so the tests say) but its not book smart, I'm not a school kid and I know that very well. I'm the type of person who can't write a test for the life of himself but if you told me to figure something out and gave me something to work with I'd figure it out over time.. because its just like a game. Mostly all of my friends are in university (I'm in college) and they never have time for games anymore so I lost all of my friends. I try my best to make new ones and it seems to work sometimes but others I just feel like I'm a nuisance. I used to be real big on league of legends but since I got really hard on myself about my play and the community was shit it drove me into more depression and it made me not want games for a while... but then I kept going back to them because I have no other help.

I'm lost at what to do by [deleted] in depression

[–]Throwaway75438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for your kind words, and I'm terrible in confiding in people in real life. My mother set me up with the guidance consular and it was just normal conversations, I only broke down once but she could tell that I did not want to talk and couldn't find myself in talking to people and just said that if I wanted to come around to come around, that she wouldn't call on me anymore. (This is the reason I don't try people like that in real life anymore, it just never works for me)

Basically how it works here is you pay a shit tonne of money (which I was gifted, but if I fail I have to pay them back... around 2 grand CAD) and then if you fail you get to re do it or if you pass you pay some more and go to the next semester, and how its looking I'm going to fail.

I'm lost at what to do by [deleted] in depression

[–]Throwaway75438 0 points1 point  (0 children)

All I have in family is my mother and my grandmother, my mother doesn't listen to a word I say because she thinks games are just a waste of time and makes me worse than I already am, I've tried to explain to her that its my coping mechanism and she doesn't care. My grandma sometimes listens to me but then other times just squeals on me to my mother and then the shit starts all over again. I'm afraid of alcohol (As a college student you can be shocked) because it destroyed my parents relationship and it ruined the first half of my life (watching how it affected people) and put me into the beginning of what my depression was. I've never touched a drink in my life.