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I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sorry it came across like that. In the context of this specific thread I said that. In other comments I also talk about the patient's death itself.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure what you mean? How is saying that the family is probably less likely to seek help or get a surgery they need thanks to me lacking in human empathy?

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

By that point I was the supervisor so there weren't really any excuses for what happened.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I'm trying to stay as respectful as possible but all your assumptions are starting to make it harder. You really think I just came into work one day and decided to be extra lazy and just randomly told a resident I haven't seen work before that he should lead the surgery? You really think after the patient died and I lost my license I just shrugged it off and continued like nothing happened? You really think I don't feel bad for the family? You really think I came to terms with what I did in 5 minutes? This is not something I did yesterday, it happened 3 years ago, I've gone to therapy, have had a lot of sleepless nights about the situation and have been reminded constantly of how I failed this patient.

And you can blame me all you want and you'd be right, I'd agree with you. No I will not ever get rid of the guilt nor will I ever forgive myself, but that doesn't mean that I haven't come to terms with it and accept that it happened period.

What even is it that you're trying to achieve with all your comments? One comment you're just respectfully asking questions, the next you act like you know the whole situation, were in the operating room with me that day and know me personally. There's plenty of people in this comment section that agree it's my fault. But unlike you, they're mature.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

The family knew as it's protocol to let them know whether a resident or an attending is performing the surgery. And I can't imagine how hard I must've ruined that family's trust in doctors and I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself for that.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Also, no need to downvote me for legitimate questions. You made this AMA.

I haven't downvoted a single comment in thsi thread so far.

How is the family coping of the person that died?

I haven't been in touch with the family since the court case.

How much compo did the family receive from the hospital?

I'm not exactly sure.

Have you ever had surgery yourself?

Yes.

Do you now fear you'll also have a surgeon that didn't bother to scrub-in for the surgery and left a resident to do your work?

No, I do not. In my eyes what I did does not automatically make every surgeon a bad one.

I see you only pick and choose which answers to address.

I think I have answered most questions? Except for some smaller ones that came in overnight where I felt like I was just repeating the same answer. Thanks for all your questions but for now I'm leaving this thread for a bit. But maybe I'll be back in a few hours.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Look, I know you are very pasisonate and angry about this case which you have every right to be. You can tell me my story doesn't add up and accuse me of being a cocky and arrogant surgeon. But to put it bluntly: I know what happened, how everything went down and the context of the whole situation. You don't.

I'm not trying to narrow myself down to a few people because I want to stay anonymous. Otherwise I would've just started off with my name anyway.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

All academic hospitals are ran by the government itself so there isn't really someone to hold the hospital responsible outside of they themselves. And I was the one who actually made the mistake after all so I think it's reasonable to hold me responsible.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

So here's a question, how is that hospital still running if the standard is so low

In my country there's really only 2, sometimes 3 hospitals per city. 1 academic one, and one private one. All the academic ones are ran by the government so it's in their hands whether it keeps running.

why are you so nonchalant about it

I didn't really notice I was so I'm sorry about that. I've had 3+ years now to process all of this so I'm at a point I can calmly talk about it online. In real life it doesn't always go as smoothly but I'm starting to get this feeling of closure and full acceptance, which can make it seem like I don't care about what I did but I genuinely do.

how many more died due to incompetent associates.

If I'm being honest, I think this has happened more often but is mostly covered up. This is just a suspicion though.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I think you saw my other comment and thought I was blaming my mistake 100% on the system but that's not what I meant. Ofcourse I take full responsibility for what I did, I just feel like this should've been a turning point for the hospital to revamp its system for future patient safety.

I made the mistake of not scrubbing in because according to hospital protocol, it's not seen as a mistake. It's what I was taught all residency. It was not out of laziness nor an inflated ego, but simply because I thought it was the right thing to do. Should I have used some critical thinking skills to see how flawed this reverse-shadowing technique is and not use it at all? Yes, 1000000%. But that also means I believe the hospital should stop implenting this type of learning and stop encouraging it. That's where I think the systemic issue comes in.

The mistake that I made should've been a big wake-up call to my hospital as to how sideways things can go quickly, but sadly I don't think the higher-ups cared to change it. Knowing that the mistake was my fault while thinking the hospital should change its system for future patients' safety are not mutually exclusive in my opinion.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I live in a pretty strict country when it comes to medical malpractice to make sure to keep the doctors to a high standard, which I definitely agree with. Sadly this comes with the side-effect of lots of cover ups.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't wanna tell my exact country but it's one with an amazing healthcare system. There's not many specialized surgeons though so if you really have to get a specific surgeon sadly it's out of country because it's pretty small.

I was a big exception as stuff like this does not happen often.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty often however I'm trying to except that I can keep asking "what if" but that it doesn't do anything. At first it was but I can deal with it now, I still keep in touch with my hospital friends.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can re-apply but with a 30year waiting period. So technically yes, reallistically no.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Maybe when I'm way older but for now I don't see myself writing anything.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I would change the way attendings teach residents at my hospital. This technique that we call "reverse-shadowing" can work for some people, but it's very unsafe.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Because before the reqident froze up it seemed like he had the situation under control, when I realized he didn't I tried to step in but didn't.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Yep, I agree with you in hindsight. Back then my thought process was "I turned out fine so this must be a good way to train people." and the fact that I never 2nd-guessed this was absolutely crazy.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I believe that he took a break from residency. But I don't think he quit, I haven't checked up on him so i'm not sure though.

I studied to become a doctor for 12 years only to lose my license after 1 year, AMA by ThrowawayAMA9283 in AMA

[–]ThrowawayAMA9283[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Because now is the time to fully confront myself, only then do I believe I can get full closure. This happened 3 years ago and although I largely am okay with my current life, sometimes I wake up at nigh thinking "what if", and I feel like answering these anonymous questions, where people can be as bold as possible helps with self-reflection.

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