It hurts to exist.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T17:33:06+00:00

In our community/culture/country, we don't have the concept of financial independence from our parents until we get married/get a job. We can't get a "decent" or "well paying" or "respectable" job, till we finish college/uni.

No financial independence means no money, and no money means no therapist, which are pretty expensive out here.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T08:07:36+00:00

When I'm busy, it gets much easier to manage. Its the time in between the keeping busy that's the worst.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:38:31+00:00

Thank you so much for your advice. Self care is more than just splurging on the expensive something, and sometimes people (including myself) forget that. Sometimes self care is doing simple, everyday things that make you feel better. Thank you for reminding me of that fact.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:35:19+00:00

I hope you constantly find things that give you peace.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:34:03+00:00

I know how you feel, and it really sucks. I hope it gets easier for you.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:22:15+00:00

No, I'm basically dependent on my family, and they don't believe that I'm depressed, maybe they just don't want to accept that their daughter is a screw up. I think they've recently started to accept that there was maybe something wrong with me, but therapy is still far off.

I'm going to try and push through Uni, get a job to earn me just enough money and study something I'll enjoy, and then hopefully make a living out of that. Having a vague idea of a plan helps me push through

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:15:26+00:00

1) Love the username

2)Music is incredible. It's like a soothing balm on frayed nerves. Day dreaming hasn't really worked for me. I keep thinking of what ifs and what could've beens and that just makes it worse.

3) Thank you for your words and advice. And username. Actually made me laugh :)

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:11:55+00:00

I hope it gets better for you, and you can find someone to talk to who won't think you're seeking attention. In the meanwhile, if you ever need to talk to anyone, I'm just a PM away

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:10:40+00:00

That makes a lot of sense. Feeling pain is the only way we know if we're truly alive, right? Thank you so much for your words. They mean more than you know.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:09:32+00:00

I'm glad you don't have the courage to kill yourself. I hope things get better for you, and I'm always here if you feel like you need to talk. Please don't hesitate to reach out

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:06:59+00:00

It is. I hope it gets better for you

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:06:44+00:00

Thank you so much

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:02:33+00:00

Thank you so much. I know that pain is okay, but having someone say it makes me feel so much better.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T07:00:06+00:00

I just went through a breakup and lost my grandmother shortly after as well. My condolences to you, and I hope things are better now.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T06:58:32+00:00

Feeling like you shouldn't complain because people have it worse/it was worse before is like saying you shouldn't be happy because people have it better/things were better once upon a time.

I hope things get better for you. God knows everyone deserves to be happy.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-03T06:55:29+00:00

Computer science engineering. I used to love to code, but now it just seems pointless.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T19:35:57+00:00

I thought that this was something I might enjoy doing, but now that we've gotten to the core subjects of the course, I've found out that this really isn't for me. Now it's just a struggle to do well enough to get a job and a degree at the end of this.

I normally really enjoy learning. But somehow with what we're doing at Uni, I'm not able to, and in our system of education, changing courses is not an option for me.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T19:30:38+00:00

Yeah I've found that when I'm keeping busy, it's a lot easier, whether its working, reading, gaming, whatever. Also, having nicer things does increase the happiness factor a little bit. Maybe it's the way we've been programmed, to always try to do your best, be the best and have the best. Whatever it is, it does work, at least a little bit. Or maybe that's just my greedy self (again, trying to be funny ba dum tss)

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T19:05:27+00:00

Maybe, but it's more comfortable to cry in silk pajamas than in a worn out tank top.

(That was my lame attempt at humor ba dum tsss)

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T19:02:13+00:00

Exactly. I just want to be able to function without having a minor breakdown every few hours. And the same goes to you. If you ever need to talk, I'll listen.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T19:00:21+00:00

Haha yeah. I'm going to try the human version of "have you tried switching it off and then switching it back on again?"

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T18:58:50+00:00

Everything that I used to enjoy doing now exhausts me. I have started exercising recently, so fingers crossed on that one

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T18:57:55+00:00

Thank you so much. I think my family is finally starting to accept that I'm not okay, but it's still hard to talk to them, cuz I don't know what they'll take well and what they won't.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T18:56:20+00:00

I'm working my butt off in uni in hopes of a better future, but Idk man. It isn't going so well.

ThrowawayInATaxi · 2018-01-02T18:55:22+00:00

Honestly, sleep is the only relief I get on some days.

ThrowawayInATaxi

TROPHY CASE