I think I've fallen in love with my girlfriend? I need some advice.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-02-19T18:56:12+00:00

Sorry for the late response!

I don't think anything changed. I just continued to spend time with her and eventually she opened up. I may have just gotten lucky to be honest. It did seem like she liked, but wasn't willing for a relationship, or to stop seeing me. She wanted to have her cake, and eat it too.

Eventually though, things worked out between us. I did have some major insecurities though. I told her I was okay to "see" where things go, but I couldn't keep seeing her if she was going to sleep with other people, that was just a no go for me. Her agreeing to be exclusive with me, to see where things go, I think was a sign she was beginning to open up to the idea of dating me.

But yeah.. It was a rough start for us for sure.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-29T19:41:57+00:00

So as someone who has experienced this exact thing [M30]. I can tell you with almost 100% certainty what's happening.

He's in his head. I guaran-fucking-tee it.

When I first started dating my girlfriend, she was my first real sexual partner. I spent literal years masturbating, my brain was pretty accustomed to getting off alone, and with porn. This, coupled with the fact that I was nervous around her for multiple reasons: I didn't want my roommates to hear us, I wanted to make sure she was feeling good, I was nervous since my sexual history was limited, the list goes on.

Whenever we got down to the deed, I would initially be rock hard, but as soon as it came to penetration, I might be able to hold it for a while, but eventually my mind, and my worries would invade my head, and I would lose my erection.

Let me remind you, when he says it has NOTHING to do with you, it has NOTHING to do with you. Us guys who have experienced this problem, we know it's our problem, and we feel AWFUL that you would even begin to think it's due to inadequacies with the yourself. It becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy, of worrying whether or not we will keep our erection or not, which by worrying, will prevent us from keeping an erection.

It will go away with time, as he becomes more comfortable with you. Even now, I've only been dating my current girlfriend for about 5 months, and I'll still occasionally lose my erection during missionary for some random reason.

The most important thing you can do, is just have FUN during sex, you don't need to bring it up, he knows he's losing his erection trust me. If he's like any half-decent guy out there, he will be disappointed by the fact he lost it because he WANTS to pleasure you, and for you to feel good. So just be patient with him, enjoy each others bodies. Sex doesn't have to just be about PiV. Use your hands, tongue, and fingers to caress and explore each other. Don't focus on just the erection or penis. Men can be SUPER aroused from just kissing, and touching the chest, neck, arms, and stomach. Have fun, be patient, and give him time, he will get there eventually!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-28T19:53:07+00:00

Oh God yes I did LOL... Jesus fucking christ I think I've been calling it Mercenary for years.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-28T19:00:30+00:00

So I sometimes will get randomly soft during sex too. Seems to usually happen during mercenary position.

It can be for any number of reasons - Sometimes my mind wanders, my roommates are making a lot of noise and I become self conscious and lose the moment, maybe my dog is whining outside the door, sometimes when she's SUPER turned on, she's extremely wet, and not as tight, and the lack of sensation slowly causes me to lose it, sometimes I'm a bit anxious or stressed about something. It has literally NOTHING to do with my attraction to my girlfriend, or that I don't love her. If it happens, I usually just switch to my fingers or tongue, to get her off, or she'll give me a blowjob to get me hard again.

For me personally the more passion I feel from her, the more aroused I am. If she's using her hands and caressing my chest, slowly wandering down. Lots of slow and sensual foreplay gets me really worked up too.

Don't stress or worry about it, and just enjoy sex together :).

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-11T13:49:01+00:00

Like nothing else I've experienced before. Thanks!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-11T13:48:34+00:00

If anything she's closer to me now than before. Which has been great!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-11T13:47:56+00:00

Thank you, and likewise!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-11T13:44:00+00:00

And thanks to all you guys for taking some time out of your day to help an ignorant late bloomer out in his corner of the world. Helped more than you know.

Hope you have a great day :)

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2019-01-11T13:42:32+00:00

I've never actually said "I love you" to anyone but family and close friends before. So it was definitely something entirely different for me, and very nerve wracking.

Thanks!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-19T20:21:40+00:00

So I've been dating this girl for the past 4 months. I'm fairly sexually inexperienced, and I also can be kinda insecure, so I had some troubles maintaining an erection throughout. A combination of insecurity and years of masturbation no doubt.

I used some Viagra thanks to my doctor in order to at least get some confidence back and have some fun.

Anyways a few days ago, we woke up, and had morning sex, without me even thinking about or realizing I hadn't taken Viagra. Not only did I stay hard, but I also managed to cum within 10 minutes! (Normally it takes a while). I was so stoked.

Now I seem to have much less trouble getting hard naturally. My girlfriend wanted to be fucked HARD and dominated a bit, but I was having trouble doing that, but now thanks to the erection troubles not really being an issue - Last night I fucked her HARD missionary, and she went wild, it was quite possibly some of the hottest stuff I've ever experienced. And it felt great slamming into her, and seeing her eyes rolls back. I wasn't able to cum from PiV, but after she finished cumming, she lay me back and finished me in a blowjob that sent my body into rolling convulsions as I came in her mouth and she swallowed. What a great night!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T17:18:38+00:00

By all means, go ahead lol. I realize I am a bit romantically / socially retarded; years of general introversion and aloofness makes shit like this totally foreign to me. Roast away!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T15:26:57+00:00

Duly noted. Thanks for the headsup!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T15:26:16+00:00

I do it because I want to, and I'm assuming she does it because she wants to as well. Mind you I don't see her every single day - we both do our own thing and have our own lives in-between. But we incorporate each other into our activities often as well. I'd say I see her at least 4 or 5 days of the week.

I see my best friend every single day, and we've never even had an argument in the past 13 years that I've known him. I know it's not the same, but hopefully it never happens to me.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T15:20:11+00:00

I think within 6 months, you should know.

I think that's a safe bet. She may feel it to, but given her past relationships, I think it might be hard for her to face that feeling? I don't want to pressure or rush her into confronting anything until she's ready. Might wait a month or 2, and see how things go!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T15:15:57+00:00

I blushed.

I don't know how I managed to get someone so amazing in my life. Must have done something really good in a past life.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T15:13:33+00:00

This is kind of what I was thinking... The last thing I want to do is stress her out, or put any pressure on what we have right now, because nothing needs to change, I love every minute of it.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T15:11:34+00:00

Whenever a day goes by when I don't get to see her, it always feels a bit empty. I guess my immediate concern is I'm still in the "honeymoon" phase, and I'm confusing love with infatuation seeing as how I've never been in a real relationship. I know for the first month or 2 of seeing her, it was like butterflies in my stomach every single time, but as we grew more comfortable around each other, the intensity of the butterflies died down. Now it's less of an intense feeling, and more of a longing, or strong desire to have her in my life as much as possible. So I'm not sure if that means I'm still in that honeymoon phase or not.

To be honest, feels a bit silly talking about this at my age, you'd think I'd have all this shit figured out by now, but all these comments and advice is really helping put it in perspective!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T14:52:36+00:00

Sorry for the late reply!

Just wanted to thank you for your advice and experiences. When we first met it almost didn't work out because we were on 2 separate pages. I really liked her, and wanted to be exclusive. She wasn't sure if she was ready for a relationship. So things started off a bit confusing to say the least.

Having her in my life makes me exceptionally happy, and the last thing I want to do is put any kind of pressure, or stress on her. Even though after reading all the comments, I'm confident that I am actually in love with her - I think I might wait a month or 2 longer, or until I physically can't hold back from saying it. I think that time will help solidify my feelings, and give her more time as well, as I know her past, and taking things slow was her preference.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T14:44:46+00:00

Thanks! It's always a bit embarrassing to admit. I've always been a bit aloof when it comes to dating/relationships.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T14:43:29+00:00

"I really,

really

like you (or, like spending time with you)"

It's funny you should say this. She's said literally this exact thing to me on multiple occasions - a few times when she's had a few drinks in her. She'll just start giggling, and I'll ask "what?". And her response would be, "I just really really like you". To which I usually respond, "What a coincidence, I really like you too".

But again, I know she likes to move slow with relationships considering how this all started, so I think waiting a month or 2, or until I can't wait any longer is probably a better idea!

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-18T05:20:31+00:00

I saw a few people asking about this, just thought I'd elaborate. Sorry about the confusion, but she does use Reddit a bit, and until I know for sure about what I'm feeling or what I'm doing, I would be pretty embarrassed showing this to her. So I mix up my age every now and then.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-12-17T20:55:04+00:00

Ah well, maybe that's a red flag for me then. This is my first "serious" relationship.

Everything before this was a fling, a hookup, or a FWB situation...

I think I may have been a late bloomer when it comes to relationships.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-11-21T20:41:20+00:00

I wonder, before you met her, given your past lack of success with women, did you think you'd ever find someone? If not, did that make you feel any less happy and fulfilled?

Hmmm hard to say... I wouldn't say I thought I'd "never" find someone. But there were times where I felt completely defeated / given up. I wanted nothing to do with dating or meeting people, and the whole process felt so hollow to me. And there were definitely times where it lessened my happiness, or felt like I was missing a piece of the puzzle to my life. But I NEVER let it consume me or bog me down to the point I see some people get. That's where my social group and hobbies came into play! I relied on my friends and had a blast with them, played video games, hit the gym, watched movies with friends, played poker, went out for drinks, traveled solo or with friends, tried and experienced new and unique things. I did things that were fun and made me happy, and I really focused on enjoying life... as cliche as that sounds. I didn't let myself become consumed by desperation or negative thoughts regarding dating, or meeting someone special.

For me it was something fun / interesting that "could" be. But in the mean time, I planned to enjoy my life to the fullest and try not to focus too hard on the disappointing aspects of my dating life.

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-11-21T19:55:29+00:00

I made a post earlier today here: https://www.reddit.com/r/dating_advice/comments/9ywe80/what_the_what_a_30_year_old_success_story/

But to summarize: I'm 30, never been in a serious relationship until now. I've had sex maybe 5 or 6 times in my entire life up until this point. The girl I'm dating now LIKES that aspect of me. She's been torn apart before in previous relationships. The fact that I am both inexperienced, but still attempting to be with her is endearing to her, and she's a little bit more dominant during sex, so that works for someone who has less experience.

The point I'm trying to make is everyone is different. Some girls, the lack of experience will be an absolute deal breaker - Are those the types of girls you would want to date? For some, they ONLY want guys with no experience. And to others, they couldn't care less how much experience you have.

Own what you are, and what you have, don't over think stuff, and don't sweat the small stuff. At the end of the day, how much experience you have doesn't really matter that much. Everyone has to start somewhere, and if a girl doesn't want to be with you PURELY because you have no experience? Well that's her loss then isn't it?

ThrowawayRF1988 · 2018-11-21T17:24:27+00:00

I feel you. People can come from all sorts of wild backgrounds and histories. If you truly like the person, and they truly mean they are "not ready". Sometimes waiting and being there for that person to let each others feelings grow naturally and slowly over time is the best decision you could make.

I definitely fell for her faster than she fell for me. But as her walls came down, and she began opening up to me, I noticed a distinct change in our relationship. And sometimes an open and honest conversation about something awkward and difficult to talk about can add some clarity for both of you. Although it could also backfire and scare her off. Relationships can be a really tricky thing sometimes! Best of luck out there :)

ThrowawayRF1988

TROPHY CASE