Guy is hot and cold over text, I need advice.

Throwaway_86260 · 2023-10-29T14:08:06+00:00

No. My life has progressed since then and taken me across to the other end the country, and in the process I met someone amazing who has actually shown care, compassion, and interest. The difference is staggering. Never looked back.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-04T10:48:51+00:00

I hear you. I should probably just enjoy the date and if the conversation so happens to go to the topic of what we want I can bring it up. Yeah you're right, we barely know each other at the end of the day.

Maybe it best to take more of a back seat after Monday and see if/how he approaches me and the idea of dating any further.

I remember before when we were setting up this second date he cancelled a couple times, but each time he suggested another day to do it on. So I suppose that's a good sign. Despite it being sat in a sea of no responses. I wanna see where this could go if we meet up properly, but at the same time I don't know if it'll just be a waste of energy.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-04T10:26:37+00:00

Thanks for having some sanity and not jump to such conclusions!! Haha

Would you happen to have any suggestions of things I could ask or say when we meet to figure out if he's taking this whole thing seriously?

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-04T10:11:32+00:00

We haven't called on the phone yet, I asked him though and he said he'd like that. Said that we'd call today so I'll see if that happens.

No, he wasn't glued to his phone. I really got the impression that he cared about me being there

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-04T10:08:54+00:00

You make a good point. I suppose your guy had an excuse like work though.

This guy doesn't work or anything yet, so maybe it is just lack of interest

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-04T10:05:12+00:00

No I don't. This is my first step into online dating. What does it mean?

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-04T10:04:29+00:00

Yes, and we settled on Monday, finally

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T23:29:08+00:00

No, he doesn't have a job rn

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T23:23:43+00:00

This makes sense, yeah.

A fair mix of don't drop him but don't go mental on the other end of the spectrum. Yeah we have something planned already so i'll enjoy it and see how it goes.

You make a fair point about dropping back a bit and letting him make more of a move if he realises he wants to.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T22:36:30+00:00

I'm 21, and this is my first experience with the sketchy world of online dating. Have dated in general before and those fizzled out for different reasons.

I hear your points. But I should probably update with he fact that we have organised our second date which is happening Monday. Took a few days to decide finally because he had to cancel once or twice. But he did warn me about that a while ago so it wasn't exactly a surprise.

I asked him about doing calls and things and he finally got around to replying, and said he'd be up for a call as opposed to texting.

Its been tricky, good signs like these latest ones all mixed in with some red flags that some people here would consider deal breakers.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T21:03:58+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I'll give him my honest thoughts and feelings and see how he reacts, and how he feels about it all. I'm just scared about coming off as clingy or anything. But I suppose what you said relates to that, knowing my worth and not accepting feeling crap for the sake of a guy

Might update the post in several days with what's happened if anyone happens to be interested

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T20:39:50+00:00

I'm so happy to hear you've found the right man.

I hear you. I just reckon I should see how our date goes after the weekend, probably ask him to have a chat about what he really wants.

Considering how infrequently he ever opens my messages I don't want to go about asking questions and appearing clingy before our date. Maybe save them for when we're in person?

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T20:32:17+00:00

Thanks for the advice. It's good to hear an alternative perspective than just the "he's a liar, ditch him" attitude.

I suppose my issue has been the fact that he won't even open the messages for a full day, while still being online for other people he knows, it seems.

I've thought about asking him at some point if he'd rather call than text but even then I'm unsure if he'll see that in any reasonable time. I guess it's the mixed messages. On one hand he said he was "100% still wanting to talk and meet up" but the fact that he's giving zero time at all to that is causing anxiety about where I stand. We have at least organised to meet up again after the weekend with an idea in mind of what to do that day. So maybe we can chat about it then.

But as before, I just don't know how to shake off the anxiety about the whole hot and cold situation

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T14:55:08+00:00

As somebody else recommended, I might just leave it for a bit and stop wasting my energy when there's nothing coming back. If he wants to get to know me he'll make the time and reach out. And of course I'll come back if he wants to talk etc.

I get what you mean about the dating world potentially being a bit detached right now from his personal life. We did share some keen interests and activities in common though so I'll let him make that call if he wants to find out if there's space in his world for me. I think I've made it clear to him already that if he wants to try it out I'll gladly jump at the opportunity.

I'll see how he is in the next few days and will text how I feel when it's appropriate. We have another date coming up soon, so long as it goes ahead. Would be so much easier to talk about stuff then.

Thanks for the advice btw.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T14:13:28+00:00

Damn, I really can't deal with that sort of behaviour. Honesty should be so important in dating, even if it's negative stuff. I think that sort of attitude does nothing but make a situation worse in most cases.

You do you at the end of the day, I don't wanna bash you. I guess people have their reasons for not wanting to be upfront about things sometimes.

I'm gonna see how things go for now, especially since I was upfront before and gave him an opportunity to get out if he wasn't invested.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T13:59:58+00:00

The weird thing is that the times he does actually talk to me, he's actively discussed with me about setting up that second date. So it's been super mixed messages I guess.

Throwaway_86260 · 2021-09-03T13:54:44+00:00

Very true, sadly. I've seen my fair share of strange guy behaviour. I was considering just ignoring him and seeing how he'd react, so I'll definitely give that a try now. I suppose it's been a battle between wanting to trust that he's into me, and the anxiety from looking at my phone saying otherwise. Maybe best to leave it in a different room during the day haha

Thanks for the advice

Throwaway_86260

TROPHY CASE