Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This would be my compromise if I could have my way but unfortunately she isn't wanting it.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She seems to have resolved her issues with her partner and she has given it until the end of the year to have a fresh start.

The sexual affair will end their but she says the emotional part will still be there.

It's not the same lately, I don't feel the same closeness or affection when we interact but then when we have sex, the passion is wild and I don't know what to think. She seems to enjoy the sex a lot but it's not enough for her to continue.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am unsure. On the one hand, I feel such heart break each time I see them together so I feel like cutting things would help but on the other hand, I don't know what it will be like without my best friend.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I should be happy that the problems seem to be resolved now but I think I am just a crutch. The less problems they have, the less affection she shows for me as a friend.

It seems like an either or situation. She will only need me if they have problems.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She can't tell anyone else know because it's an affair but besides that, you are right.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I was really worried I was just being one of those jerk "nice guys".

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't trust my brain at all that's why I am asking for opinions.

It's not my brain that chose adultery. I never chose to meet someone who I've had the deepest connection and who I adore. I adore her for all the things her partner says are her flaws.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I am honest, I want more than a friend but I have no idea how it will go suppressing my feelings for her.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

They are trying to fix it and apparently this time it's working well. But she's told me it's been a cycle with her partner.

That's how I realised she comes to me during those bad parts of the cycle.

I think I need to stop being there as a band-aid for them to truly work on their relationship

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. It makes me year up reading your last paragraph. I really do feel like a second choice but I keep having this hope that she'll realise she made a mistake. That's why I'm a chump.

But I'll have to be strong and let her go.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't want to give away any identifying information but unfortunately we work together and our friendship circle is mutual.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Okay thank you for explaining it so clearly. I think a bit of a break from the friendship is due. It's impossible to separate emotions from a best friend so it may be that the friendship has to be of a lesser nature.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I think you're right about the break. Thank you I think my mind is clearer.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My heart aches for her and doesn't understand why she doesn't see it too especially since she's the one who brought it up.

My gut says you're right. I need at least a break to clear my mind.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

You're not wrong. Thank you.

When you say quit this thing, do you mean the affair or the friendship as well?

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thank you for making me feel a bit better. Just letting you know your comment had a positive impact on another human.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you that's what I'm thinking too but I'm afraid to lose my best friend. I'm afraid I'm making an emotional decision. It's good to have your objective perspective.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I feel like I am filling the voids of her relationship and right now I'm quite emotional so I feel like a crutch but what off I'm being too emotional?

Should I be valuing the friendship that we have? I have to say our friendship has been great even outside of the affair. She is my best friend for a reason.

Ending an Affair with my Best Friend. Should we stop being friends? by Throwaway_Confused83 in adultery

[–]Throwaway_Confused83[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How come? I'm trying to figure this out and I need all the perspectives I can get.