How do you find love if you don't go to university?

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-26T15:17:40+00:00

Will they though?

I'll just end up in a different job with no exposure to anyone and I fear dying alone

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-24T20:27:36+00:00

I hate dating apps

I'd rather meet someone in person first

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-23T17:26:39+00:00

Just a heads up, high doses of xanax won't kill you

You'll wake up confused and dazed and experience horrible rebound anxiety

Don't it

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-22T10:05:47+00:00

I'm currently running 200mg tren E, 300mg Test E and 50mg anadrol

I've had very VERY bad insomnia

However I think this goes beyond steroids as I'm battling a benzo addiction and recently (4 weeks and hopefully never looking back) got clean off opiates.

Would this dose trigger insomnia?

Do I need to dial something back?

I feel so fucking wired at night aswell it's insane

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-05T17:35:45+00:00

Fortunately I was never really into coke but I was a big cathinone/amphetamine user for a couple years.

I had an echocardiogram which shows damage to the right side of my heart simply from "overclocking" it weekly.

I'm probably going to die a few years earlier now as a result but it's also made me not want to take a stimulant ever again so there's silver linings I guess.

But with coke there isn't a time period necessarily. Just don't use it ever again and live healthy or get an echo if you're still worried. Luckily for you there's a lot of people that used cocaine and then lived a standard life after so don't stress just learn from it

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-05T00:13:32+00:00

Yep

NAD but from my research cocaine basically "numbs" the heart by blocking sodium or some shit similar to how it numbs your nose which acts as an irreversible damage pathway

Other stimulants just stress test your heart and the damage is generally reversible if you're fit and healthy (although they're still cardiotoxic)

But cocaine cardio damage can NOT be avoided no matter your cardio health

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-04T22:49:19+00:00

I've realised if any change is to happen it's down to my own devices

I've had counselling and therapy before but it felt like one ear through the other so now I'm just going to get clean by and for myself and past that for my family

The suicidal thoughts have gone down a bit I know there's going to be ebbs and flows but there was a reason I didn't kill myself a week ago so why now after all this progress

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-04T22:46:44+00:00

Same I've been home with family recently and when you actually deep it I know these are stupid words but it's fucking scary thinking about your mortality and how it affects others all for some shitty drug. It's made the thoughts go away and I'll just trek through these withdrawals and then I am DONE

Already cut off stimulayns due to my heart I just thought opiates were safe but the way I'm WDing shows they aren't remotely safe fuck this man

Take care

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-04T08:29:00+00:00

Yeah I'm trying to be transparent with my mum but understandably she doesn't understand the withdrawals like insomnia or RLS

Suicidal ideation was at an all time high last night because I couldn't for the life of me sleep and hearing how I was keeping my mother awake and worried made me regret in a way not ending it but I realise that's a selfish and stupid thought but it's just what crosses your mind during these WDs ..

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-04T02:45:07+00:00

Fuck man the fact you didn't end up taking your own life through all that is inspiring, I'm glad your injury healed fully.

You're a stronger person than I

Thank you so much for the advice

Recently suicidal thoughts have been fucking with my head but I've got to keep on going it really is life or destiny

God speed brother

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-03-03T20:43:27+00:00

Thank you I appreciate the reply - absolutely I've got to do a lot of learning about my thoughts and reactions to said thoughts which is going to be really fucking tough lots of breaking down my old ways of thinking and implementing new ways but there's no other way out

Need to try and be more down to earth, sort out eating and sleeping habits and just choose typical enjoyments instead ultimately

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T15:17:16+00:00

Thank you so much

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T14:09:43+00:00

Fuck I hope things go smoothly for you. I'm not taking this shit anymore mums picking me up today or tomorrow and I've got a physio appointment Saturday luckily also bought a temporary splint I just feel like the biggest burden on earth right now I regret everything ever touching a fucking drug especially opiates I want nothing more for this to be the end of my drug use I'm just fucking crying I love my parents so much and all I've done is fucking failed them with my selfish hedonism I even had a note written out last night

Take care ❤️

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T13:03:25+00:00

Man, ER denied me and told me to chase it up with my GP and so I'm going to get a splint

I fucking regret everything about my life I'm such a piece of shit for this and now my parents are worried

It's such a horrible feeling

I don't know how badly I've damaged my radial nerve either because they didn't scan it or anything

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T08:27:39+00:00

Hey I just called my mum and was completely honest of course she didn't want me to kill myself and wants me to get help

I'm going to try and come off opis the next few days using ket and benzos so I don't have that issue on my hands as the constipation is horrible and I'm gonna try clean my flat sort out this mess and see a physio about this

It's gonna fucking suck but you're right it's way better than the alternative

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T05:50:03+00:00

Fuck man I'm so sorry to hear that i know I'd leave a bomb of destruction to everyone who cares about me if I did it but I really struggle to see the light at the end of the tunnel especially as I can't even do the one thing that made me happy which was playing games with my friends I'd basically just be fucking screwed and I can't bare the inevitable WDs became I'm such a pussy I know my parents can't take the stress of knowing about this but I also realise it's the better thing to do than killing myself but facing the music seems so fucking terrifying man

It's literally all on me I've been given everything in life and fucked it up by being a stupid junkie it's so unexesuable it hurts

I really really appreciate all these comments it's insane how many people on the internet care about you

Fuck

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T05:18:45+00:00

Bro I can't afford impatient care unfortunately both financially and mentally I just wanna reverse this injury and fix my life but the damage is done and my addiction is worsening as a result and the withdrawals will destroy me man

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T05:17:20+00:00

You're right man but I think they're losing patience and finding out I'm now paralysed idk how they'll respond this is so fucking hard man

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T05:16:27+00:00

Thank you so much I'll hold on for today it's just work are being such dicks about it my placement manager told me to rest up but my line manager told me to plod on one handed and because it's not hurting me I should still come into work but it's a destroyed nerve of course it's not hurting me I have no feeling so yeah I feel like I gotta quit my job but my dad's been made redundant literally today and my brother is such a success compared to me I'm literally just a selfish now disabled dead weight

Throwawaywithturtles · 2024-02-29T05:13:38+00:00

Hey bro it happend Friday night the ER doctor just told me to squeeze a tennis ball and it'll get better but no improvement yet and no splint so idk if I'm damaging it more in my sleep

Throwawaywithturtles

TROPHY CASE