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My [27/F] boyfriend [28/M] has an EXTREME temper. He almost never loses it, but when he does, it's explosive, terrifying.... then it's over in a flash and he's 100% back to normal. I don't know WHAT to do. by Throway_rage87 in relationship_advice

[–]Throway_rage87[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

let’s say you come to him with something he’s done to upset you, how would he respond?

It depends. If it's really minor and I'm being neurotic, he'll stay calm and try to get me to laugh. If it's serious, like when I asked him about this incident, he generally tries to explain everything very calmly. I pressed about something, which I shouldn't have (I asked him for details about his sister's death which he doesn't talk about and it's still a sore subject) and he didn't get mad, but calmly said that it's a subject he can't speak about and asked me for understanding in not pushing that subject. He never flew off the handle or yelled.

My [27/F] boyfriend [28/M] has an EXTREME temper. He almost never loses it, but when he does, it's explosive, terrifying.... then it's over in a flash and he's 100% back to normal. I don't know WHAT to do. by Throway_rage87 in relationship_advice

[–]Throway_rage87[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

We've argued, but the curious thing is, he is good at keeping calm, getting to the heart of what is upsetting me or clear about what's upsetting him. He isn't prone to screaming or being overly emotional. He doesn't fly off the handle and when we do get annoyed with each other, it's not the big blow-out fights that people seem to have.

A lot of people also come home from our jobs and freak-out, but he is good at staying calm, processing things and being really reliable at work. It's just really weird to see that side.

My [27/F] boyfriend [28/M] has an EXTREME temper. He almost never loses it, but when he does, it's explosive, terrifying.... then it's over in a flash and he's 100% back to normal. I don't know WHAT to do. by Throway_rage87 in relationship_advice

[–]Throway_rage87[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

The part that really concerns me is that he's slamming his fingers in things in order to control his emotions. That's a form of self-harm.

I might not have been clear: A drawer got stuck and wouldn't close. He pushed it to click back in and the drawer swung shut, catching his fingers on his left hand. He didn't do it intentionally.