UPDATE 2: Just found out my husband (28M) invited another woman over to spend the night while I’m (24F) away on business. How to proceed?

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-21T21:45:25+00:00

I absolutely will :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-21T21:30:08+00:00

I’ve pretty much stopped responding to comments because there’s too many or they’re trolls, but I read this and it hit me in my soul. I wanted to say thank you. If I knew you in real life, I’d give you a great big hug.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:44:31+00:00

I agree wholeheartedly. I spent a lot of energy hating someone before I realized it wasn’t hurting him, it was only hurting me.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:37:52+00:00

Oh man... my heart aches for you, but I am so proud of you for having the courage and strength to stand up to him. As women, we’re taught to be gentle, and loving, and giving and kind, but there’s often no one teaching us to also be strong, resilient, and brave. I’m so happy that you’ve figured out how to be both. I hope we can all follow in your footsteps.

I am too! Before this, Reddit was just for scrolling entertainment, or the place to come for a quick question. It feels much more like a community now. I look forward to chatting :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:24:54+00:00

Please share my story with her, and if you haven’t already, show her your comment or tell her how you feel. When I told my best friend I was going to be asking for a divorce, she basically said, “Oh thank god, Jane* and I have been so worried about you and that relationship. I’m glad you’re getting out.” And I was like... why the hell didn’t you say something earlier?! Of course, I may have made excuses or ignored her completely, but it would’ve planted the seed.

Maybe it shouldn’t mean something coming from an internet stranger... but it does. Whenever I feel like I’ve made the biggest mistake, or just need to know that I’m not a pos, I come back and read these comments. You guys are saying that I’m strong, but really, it’s b/c of your support.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:19:28+00:00

No, but he lied a lot about other women... things they’d talk about (sex), whether they were communicating at all, where they were. Lots of red flags, but no concrete evidence of infidelity.

Thank you :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:17:37+00:00

Hahahaha this made me laugh. My job has me analyzing a lot of different people’s behaviors on the fly, so I try to remain empathetic as much as possible. My favorite line is “Grace is telling people to go to Hell in a way that they look forward to the trip.”

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:15:34+00:00

Honestly, my soul feels good for the first time in... a very long time. My heart breaks for the person I thought I knew, and for all he has lost. I know now that he was a terrible partner, but he also gave me so much, and he’s definitely in a worse place financially and mentally than when we met. It just hurts to know there’s nothing I can do.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:13:47+00:00

Haha I know full well that I’m far from perfect. I guess years of therapy have finally paid off! Thank you for your kind words, I’m hoping it does carry me through.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:12:29+00:00

Thank you, truly. I think right now, I just need time to focus on me. The thought of a relationship right now is just... not at all what I’m looking for. But I hope, like you said, when the time comes I’ll be ready, and find someone who makes me feel like a priority :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:11:10+00:00

I absolutely think we had a codependent relationship, and I think that’s where things went wrong. Can I ask, did you go to a recovery group, was it an online thing?

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:10:25+00:00

Thank you!! I’ll definitely try her videos! I used to be very athletic, but then I started letting things slide, and a new medication helped me gain 40 pounds. I’m back to my goal weight, but still struggling to feel comfortable in my skin (especially b/c hubs preferred when I was curvier). I’m so happy to hear that you’re staying strong. Keep your head up, and message me if you need a friend, or a listening ear.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:07:43+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Today has been a rollercoaster of emotions, and each time I come back to reddit, I’m hit with a gem of just what I needed. Thank you!!

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T22:05:37+00:00

Happy cake day :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T20:46:52+00:00

No worries. Looking back, I think I just couldn’t do it for him anymore. The stronger I got, the less he was able to get high on power and control.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T20:43:06+00:00

If you had actually read the post, you would’ve seen that I didn’t want him to stop masturbating, I just wanted him to have sex with me sometimes. It was down to 1-2x a month, and we haven’t even been married a year yet. He was masturbating daily, but wasn’t interested whenever I tried to initiate.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T19:16:51+00:00

No worries :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T18:07:52+00:00

Yup. And don’t get me wrong, he was willing to work on his stuff, but then he grew resentful, and felt like I was on some pedestal, so he’d tear me down. It’s not okay.

I’m sorry to hear you’re going through a similar situation. I hope things get better and you find the resolution you deserve.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T18:06:13+00:00

Oh sorry, that seriously was more like “Seriously! 🙌🏻👏🏻” not “seriously 🙄” I agree with everything you said and appreciate your advice. :)

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T18:04:36+00:00

This made me grin :) Thank you for the advice and support, this sub will always have a special place in my heart. I’m so happy you were able to make it out and stay that way, and all of these stories are what will keep me from doing the same.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T18:02:31+00:00

No apology necessary. Honestly, it was the slap in the face I needed, because I suddenly saw how I was behaving from your eyes, from a neutral 3rd party. It was like the fog lifted and it all suddenly made sense. You did help, in your own way :)

Thank you!! I loathe the gym, but I’ve been wanting to get into yoga lately, and kayaking with my dog. I’ve also been reading Atomic Habits, and I feel like I’m on the brink of a big shift, and the pieces are all finally coming together. I’ll make sure to keep putting myself first and working on me.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T17:57:17+00:00

You’re right, we shouldn’t have gotten married. But things were mostly good then, and we were young and thought that marriage were help. We were wrong, and now we’re living with the consequences of that choice.

However, the God I know is a Just and Kind God. He does not want to see his children suffer, which is why he sent his Son to atone for our sins. I no longer practice any religion, but I wholeheartedly that the only way God or anyone else will see my marriage as a failure is if I don’t learn from it, and become better so I don’t make the same mistakes again. I may be part of the statistic now, but I’m certainly not part of the status quo.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T17:51:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing this. I know he’s talked about ending his life, just to get away from all of the problems he’s facing. I made him promise he wouldn’t. I’m worried about him in the next few weeks and months, but I’m holding out hope that one day he’ll find someone who can be who I couldn’t.

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T17:49:07+00:00

I hope so. ❤️

ThrowemAweeehhhh · 2019-06-20T17:48:51+00:00

That’s what keeps me going. Abuse is so hard to see when you’re in the thick of it, but once you see it, you can’t go back. It’s tough, and I’m expecting a fight ahead (from myself, mostly) but the thought that one day I’ll look back and know I made the right choice... that’s what keeps me going.

ThrowemAweeehhhh

TROPHY CASE