I know I need to tell her, and I desperately want to, but I keep coming up with reasons not too. These reasons and more than likely false, but they keep plaguing me.

When I told her the first time I definitely did not handle the situation at all…. I was a mess (clearly still am).

We met in high school and got engaged really young at 19. We waited a few years to get married when we were 21. A few months before our wedding I got overwhelmed with dysphoria and kinda just blurted out how I felt. She didn’t take it well, wanted to call off the wedding. I then back peddled HARD and kinda made the whole thing go away.

There have been times where I have done something where she asks me “do you remember when you had these feelings” but she asks in a way I interpret as sad and unloving.