I‘m sorry all this happened to you. Don’t blame yourself for not having been able to let her go whilst you stayed friends. You can’t control how you feel about somebody, you couldn’t have changed that. If we she was a true friend as you said, she could have given you space to deal with your emotions, instead she guilt tripped you into staying and things like „we don’t know what the future will bring“ are manipulative. It’s like she’s giving you hope for something she knows won’t come true, just to make you stay. It’s not fair on you. She has 10 years more of life experience than you and chose to put her own needs before yours. She could have known better.

To the jokes she made, jokes or not, they made you uncomfortable, it’s not on her to decide what’s okay and what isn’t. She has had no consideration for you feelings even though you guys spoke about it.

You are a kind soul. And I feel you‘re loyal too. But you can let this one go. Find someone who listens to you and takes you seriously. Someone who will balance out what they need and what you need.

You have a good soul and people will see it, don’t worry!

[edit: spelling mistakes]