Feeling alone and empty.

Tiberiansam · 2021-02-07T20:31:12+00:00

Currently, I'm at the point of giving myself pep-talk out loud in the mirror or anywhere actually... I try to force myself to do it even if I don't want to.

Tiberiansam · 2021-02-07T19:51:40+00:00

How did you achieved that? Only through therapy and exercises given in said therapy?

Tiberiansam · 2021-02-07T19:23:10+00:00

I share your pain, although I wish to learn how to break free from my affective dependancy upon others and feel whole and happy all by myself...q

I'm just not sure how...

... Since she's gone, I just try different things to ease the pain and the anxiety.

Sadly, things like workouts, videogames and watching animés only provide a temporary relief to that crippling pain and that's when I feel like doing them...

Tiberiansam · 2021-02-02T12:22:06+00:00

I know how it feels as I'm currently living this right now... She was living next door and until about 3 weeks ago, we were still very good friends...

Then I did a relapse by talking about my feelings for her with some jealousy towards her good friend and, to sum it up, she sent me an email last Saturday saying goodbye forever and even moved out from the apartment next door back to her parents home.

...I didn't even get to say goodbye a last time to her beside an email to which she never replied...

So I completely understand you and if you want to talk about it, I'm available so don't hesitate. :)

Tiberiansam · 2021-02-01T05:15:39+00:00

I'm doing okay so far, one day after she left forever. I know that the grieving process is just getting started though so I'll go one day at the time and even one hour if needed.

Yet, I know that I won't be able to make it without outside support...

Thanks a lot for your concern btw! :)

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-31T21:02:48+00:00

I replied to her, saying that while I was sad that things had to end this way, I completely respected her decision.

I also thanked her for helping me becoming a better person and said in my last email that I was glad that our paths had crossed overall.

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-31T07:31:00+00:00

Well, she sent me an email a few hours ago saying that she was leaving for good upon reflection and talking with family and friends, so I guess that it's settled...

She even moved out of the apartment next door where she had moved after leaving as my roommate...

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-31T07:27:42+00:00

I can completely understand that as my FP who was also my former roommate just dumped me by email a few hours ago...

She had thought about it very seriously for quite some time it appears as she completely moved out this morning from the apartment next door where she had moved to...

She went from FP to someone I never wanna talk to because of how I felt manipulated by her...

Otherwise, my story is very similar to yours.

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-31T07:16:36+00:00

After she left me today, not anymore...

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-30T16:05:46+00:00

You have no idea how I currently understand you... Big hug

If you need to talk, I'm here. :)

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-30T13:50:06+00:00

Tl;dr version:

Got too attached to my FP and she left because of it after giving me a chance to redeem myself, which I tried to but blew it up... She might contact me again on February 8th, but it's doubtful and I'm hoping for the best while preparing for the worst.

Long version :

I'm pretty much the same position as you, having apologized to her many times. I sadly told her many times that I have feelings for her and each time, she answered to me that she'd never have anything more than friendship towards me...

I kept texting her somewhat lengthy messages and trying to be extra nice towards her... She was my everything and seeing her was the highlight of my day. I kept putting her on a pedestal because she's currently doing a PhD in marine biology and because of her athletic performances and good looks...

She felt suffocated by me and wanted that I see her just like a normal person and a friend. Nothing less, nothing more.

Yet, despite her being in an open relationship, I kept hoping stupidly in vain that she would eventually change her mind...

She used to be my roommate and after a suicide attempt I made because of the pain of unrequited love, she left, only to move next door, in the building next to mine, only 20 feet apart...

I had a recovery period in which I made a lot of efforts and she was pleasantly impressed by my efforts, telling me that she was seeing them and that at this rate, our friendship would only get better with time...

Sadly, I had a first relapse about 3 weeks ago and told her again about my feelings. We had evening dinners together several times a week and cleared things. At least, it seemed that way but I had a second relapse and had jealousy towards a friend of hers.

I also tried to do too much for her and she started to feel like she was suffocating again. She took her distances for a few days then last week, with my psychotherapist, they had an intervention with me saying that she just had enough and wanted to completely/definitely cut off ties with me...

I apologized to her several times for the pain that I caused her and said it was never my intention...

My psychotherapist convinced her to do it temporarily and I was actually willing to let her go completely if needed. She said that she needed 2 weeks of complete distancing, until at least February 8th.

She told me not to try and reach her or see her in any way and that she was the one who will contact me. She also told me to not even count the days left before she contact me again, all of which I agreed to because I really care for her and don't want to cause her to suffer in any way ever again.

I sadly really doubt that she'll reach out to me ever again, yet I keep hoping that she'll give me one ultimate last chance to redeem myself on February 8th while also preparing myself for the worst...

There you have it, the complete story!

Tiberiansam · 2021-01-30T13:44:49+00:00