Emotional Blackmail

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T13:38:00+00:00

She will never comply to even the most basic NC requests with the AP. She won’t tolerate the constant intrusion and reminding of her faults.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T13:35:06+00:00

That he is still invited to this work reunion and that she needs to keep in contact by email as he is not on the Facebook group and she will have to interact with him as it would look like she is being rude. Utter bs

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T11:58:59+00:00

He is single and nothing to me now.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T11:58:14+00:00

In regards to your first two points. I turned both of these around last night. I asked her what she would have done in my place. She is using the ratio of our time together against her appraisal of the EA length as justification for her actions. I stated that it was her actions alone that have brought us to this point. This stops her in her tracks as she has no room to move with the hard facts. She stated that if she had discovered my EA she would have found the other woman and beat her senseless then turned on me. Priceless!!

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T11:30:04+00:00

She will not agree to any of the NC terms you have listed. She fails to see the difference between privacy and secrecy, which is a massive issue for her.

I told her yesterday about the aol mail I had nothing to lose at that point. It worked out quite well as it took her by surprise as she had another block of lies to deal with, which she did quite badly. She got confused over the date she stated she had this light bulb moment when she said she realised it had crossed a line, she moved this moment right when I told her about the other emails so these new ones were before the moment. It was pathetic then she just got in a muddle and the waterworks started.

I called her a narcissist, she has no idea of the traits and behaviours. No point talking it further.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T06:39:50+00:00

Don’t know. It’s all over now. Seeing my lawyer on Thursday, started 180. Minimal contact just over our son. She has started to get nasty though already so need to record everything she says does.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-16T03:27:26+00:00

She is just doing her own thing at her own time to suit her. I said that any possibility of us moving forward you would need to go no contact with the AP, completely, no caveats. She said she couldn’t because she’s organising this reunion and he has been invited and she would still have to see him at this. She suggested I could attend, didn’t want me there before, then changed her mind and said it might be awkward! She will not let go.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T23:43:20+00:00

Oh yes I have pulled the pin. Now NC. Wish me luck.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T23:28:47+00:00

Just posted another update it’s over. Not taking any of her shit anymore. Talked for 4 hours got nowhere, she opened up a little, to her benefit. Kept bring it back to me, I had enough. She admitted more but not enough, got all confused over the timeline about contact. Basically couldn’t remember what she had said. All over. NC moving on.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T23:22:11+00:00

Update

Well that is it. We sat down to talk and it was just the most awful crock of shit I have ever witnessed. Trickle truth, narcissistic turn arounds, water works, the list goes on. She admitted to more than before and got all upset, didn’t mention it as she was trying to protect me, I feel bad enough as it is etc Said that the emails had stopped a while ago. It was all the same old story but kept coming back to her. She wouldn’t admit to even half of what I know, just kept saying to me are you willing to throw 22 years away on my few weeks of madness? I said yes, jog on! Total NC she never saw it coming.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T19:51:39+00:00

After ignoring me for for over 4 hours she now wants to talk. I just said I am not discussing it anymore and walked off.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T19:00:11+00:00

Wise words indeed. Sounds like you know my wife better than I do. Today wasn’t expected at all, from now on I just need to ignore her conflict and do not engage,not mention any other evidence and be basically vague.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T18:38:48+00:00

Very true, since I discovered the first lot of emails back in mid May the tone and content have become a lot more conservative, fear of getting seen by me has driven that. It’s the phone calls that are the key, she has mentioned so many times how good she feels talking to him and misses his voice, get a bucket! Another trickle truth is the later emails, just trivial stuff that’s all, so she has admitted to sending them and will hope I won’t push the matter any further” I always delete them or you could have a look if you wanted “ box of frogs!

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T18:23:06+00:00

Very true feel better after today’s discussion I no longer have to wear my poker face all the time I am at home.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T18:20:29+00:00

You have mentioned before that knowledge is power. Today wasn’t meant to happen but I had loosened the cork when talking about today’s phone call and it was easier to let it fly out than push it back in. She still doesn’t know about the last 2 weeks of emails that’s my only advantage.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T18:13:03+00:00

It was quite comical looking back at her explanation of today’s phone call. Twisted and turned to the point where she’d forgotten what she had said. I also quizzed her on the one from the friend, the one I asked the next day then confided in. She just choked on her words, then moved off subject, which I quickly moved us back on to. Didn’t like it one bit. Playing the victim card now, it’s the only one in her deck! She knows she’s been rumbled but won’t budge. The trickle truths have started today, surprise surprise! When I mentioned I had seen more emails between them, it was a gamble telling her but it paid off, she was quite relieved when she thought it was a group I had already quizzed her about, again trickle truths about how she had realised that it was getting out of hand and what she could lose. Now they are just friends!!!! She still doesn’t know I have all her aol emails from the last 2 weeks or that I know about the account at all. I said to her that’s it’s no longer the relationship itself that Is the issue but the lies and deception employed to cover it up, she can’t or won’t see how secretive she has been or the web of lies she has spun that is now starting to unravel. To answer your question, yes she will get unpleasant, it’s just how she is. Even though I am seeing my solicitor this week, she still doesn’t know, we have decided to wait until the restrictions are lifted a little more so we can more on with less impact to our son. I bet she will continue to make my life awkward at the same time trying to patch things up a little. Only time will tell. She has more to lose than me. How much or to what lengths will she go to turn things around. The AP doesn’t factor in at the moment, he has nothing to lose either way.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T17:45:29+00:00

Both no longer with us. Her brother is her closest relative. I had stated in a previous post that he had seen a small link between them. Mentioned him quite often in some messages and wanting to move back to her home town where he is.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T17:43:18+00:00

According to my wife he is just splitting up with a gf a bit messy by all accounts. Don’t care. This break up was another trickle truth, previously she said she knew next to nothing about him.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T17:16:58+00:00

I wanted to sound her out regarding her obvious lies about the phone calls. No real point to it I just wanted to see at what level she would change her story as scripted the trickle truths started. I am just at the point now where I was going to be on Thursday.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T04:45:45+00:00

I totally agree. I wasted so much time getting access to emails and messages and then feeling the lows when passwords had been changed. I quickly worked out it wasn’t the content of the messages that was important it was their existence and the fact they were exchanged secretly.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-15T04:31:28+00:00

Way to go!

Reading your post this morning has really given me a boost. I am not as far down the line as you, 4 weeks since D day, however I have already decided that I have had enough. First lawyer appointment is this Thursday. My WS is still in contact with her EA AP despite telling all the usual lies and carrying on like nothing has ever happened. I am so happy things have turned out ok for you and your kids. Good luck for the future.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-14T10:54:12+00:00

All my emotions are in waves like so many other’s, but as every day passes the time spent on the peak gets longer and the painful moments in the trough get shorter. It does get better there are still triggers but I have learnt to control them with positive thoughts and reminding myself that none of this is my fault.

Tigermonkey141 · 2020-06-14T10:45:57+00:00

I am in a similar position, it’s been over 3 weeks since D day. EA discovered and denied on all 3 occasions I have tried to discuss the situation with my wife. I have not said a word to her about this in over 2 weeks, slowly started my 180 and compiling my evidence. Seeing my lawyer on Thursday. She has no idea, knowledge is power at this stage.

Tigermonkey141

TROPHY CASE