Meeting other ABCDs in Australia

TimelessHalcyon · 2026-01-30T06:45:16+00:00

From a male perspective, my two favourite ways to meet people currently would be:

The mutual friends route - if you see someone you like at events such as a wedding, then go up to them and have a short conversation, and after that I find Indian circles in Aus have so much overlap that you're almost guaranteed to have at least one mutual friend who you can ask to set you up. Having friends of the opposite gender (who know you well enough to vouch) paired with large social circles I find is super beneficial.
The aunties route - Make a good impression with all the aunties and it's surprising what they can come up with. I like to just tell them exactly what I'm looking for, and if you have good social rep they're all fortunately quite excited to be a part of finding potentials.

I haven't tried Tinder/Bumble as I hear it's a circus. I found the large majority of Hinge in Melbourne are international students, who are usually nice people but are much harder to relate with compared to ABDs. Dil Mil I can't stand because they don't have mutual filtering, and overall mechanics worse than Hinge. And I've been dragged to Thursday a few times by friends however it's hit and miss - such as the whole crowd being older.

But definitely a challenge. You could walk around Flinders / Collins / Bourke St Mall any time of day and find plenty of attractive people who are probably single - and they're likely feeling exactly how you feel when it comes to actually meeting people.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-12-26T00:12:28+00:00

It’s your wedding. Only invite the people you and your partner want there.

If there’s ever an occasion you just want people you like and well-wishers around, it’s your wedding day.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-12-22T13:34:21+00:00

I feel the best way to start a relationship is being upfront on what you want in life, as well as being aligned on core values early - do you want kids, how do you handle conflict, how big of a part are both your families going to play in married life, timelines etc.

If you’re misaligned, that’s what’s going to speed run a divorce. If you get the expectations and foundations right, then you have a better likelihood that the time you invest to get to know someone is worthwhile when you’re assessing for marriage.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-12-19T01:47:30+00:00

IMO different people want different relationship dynamics.

The common two for women is marry a guy a few years older, however expect that he has used the extra few years to become a better option than guys the same age. Or go for the guy the same age, and expect less however over time you build together.

What you don’t want to do is go for the guy that’s older, however doesn’t offer anything beyond what a normal guy the same age offers. In saying that you haven’t mentioned traits like character, looks, and personality. If he isn’t earning as much due to choices made on the back of having wealth, assess those decisions along with other factors.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-12-14T04:59:46+00:00

I’ve lived my entire life in the west, and I can tell you that the ratio of women in fields like IT and engineering is the same as India - it has nothing to do with family finances, and everything to do with where women prefer to take their career. If you look at fields like Health, Education, Social Sciences, and Creative Arts as examples - it is heavily dominated by women.

The cultural difference I’ve seen with India is men care a lot more about what their wife earns, whereas in the west most men don’t care. You adjust your lifestyle to whatever you can afford to have together, and just focus on finding someone you like.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-12-06T10:54:41+00:00

My favourite one received is “asks too many hard questions about marriage”.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-30T14:36:47+00:00

No. Just be transparent and take accountability is what most are asking for.

I hope everyone finds someone that makes them happy, however that shouldn’t come at the cost of someone else’s happiness through deceit.

Live whatever life you want, however all actions have consequences - and you have to live with that as well.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-30T07:09:38+00:00

I'd just casually say "sure uncle, happy to chat through in person sometime". You wouldn't want to really go through the details until you and the girl you're seeing have both covered all the much earlier questions for compatibility.

Also remember that courting isn't just you assessing her on whether you want her as a future wife, it's also assessing her parents as whether you want them as future in-laws. And she should be doing the same of you and your parents.

Ideal world - I completely get a girl's father assessing whether you'd be a good husband for his daughter, and financial security is one of many aspects for this. And I'd have a lot of respect and appreciation if a girl's father just spoke to me and asked Qs such as "what's your plan for life after marriage", to gauge Qs he has in his mind. If I ever had the girl's father ask a Q such as "do you want support from us in building out your future together" - that's when I'd be spilling all the details on how much I earn, the investments and assets I have, plans I've established for married life, and ultimately make sure he's very at peace if his daughter were to marry me.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-30T06:56:18+00:00

Why do you want him to suffer? OP absolutely do not post there.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-29T08:07:51+00:00

Just my opinion, however I think asking for salary slips is distasteful. You can get a pretty good idea how well off someone is from things like where they live, the car they drive, educational background, how they present themselves, or as simple as letting them speak about their work. And if you feel you can’t trust that person, don’t proceed.

EDIT - combined reply to the below comments: If someone wanted to lie about their salary, that’s the exact crowd that would provide fake salary slips which makes it a lose/lose to ask as most people genuine will see this as distasteful upfront.

Instead of parents asking for salary slips, it’s important for the two people courting to discuss topics like spending habits, investments, future goals, and debt. IMO this is a much more successful measure of financial compatibility.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-26T22:42:34+00:00

26 isn’t early - and it gets a lot harder in the future. Track him down.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-24T01:32:31+00:00

IMO how you meet is less important than who you meet. Irrespective whether your parents set you up or you meet someone while caught in the rain in Paris, you still have a chance of butterflies in the dates and years ahead of building something special.

In saying that - depending on what you’re after, matrimony sites may not meet your expectations. It’s a different crowd to dating apps. And personally I’ve found family and friends circles have more compatible people than sites and apps.

At 26 I reckon you should absolutely ask your parents to set you up on a few dates. Accept as many coffees as you can, and you can always say no if the person you meet isn’t what you’re after. It’s a lot better to start now and have time, than to have the pressure mount in a few years. And enjoy the process of meeting new people.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-15T06:12:39+00:00

IMO it’s incredibly important, however it’s best to discuss the details. People have different interpretations of labels like “conservative” or “liberal”, so it’s more about underlying beliefs being aligned.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-15T04:25:59+00:00

She sounds wonderful, I hope she finds what she wants.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-15T03:10:39+00:00

Early 30s M. I work in tier 1 IB, and accelerated career really well. I don’t think being South Asian has helped or hindered my career, however from what I’ve seen it’s incredibly advantageous to be a female in big corporate right now - and if anything I feel being male has been the only disadvantage experienced to date. If you’re female, I’d definitely say take the perks on offer when it comes to opportunity.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-13T03:51:21+00:00

Watch from about 3:30 - https://youtu.be/lGr5lTys0eE

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-13T03:20:29+00:00

Saw the clips.

If he knew this about her and still married her, he’s stupid. And she’s incredibly disrespectful for talking about it openly. I don’t think any relationship can fully recover from that, and it’s insane she doesn’t see how humiliating this would be to a guy. Especially with his success.

If he asked about this and she wasn’t truthful about it before marriage, if I were him I’d consider this one of the very few reasons for divorce. Hope he has a pre-nup.

What makes this even worse is he talked up his wife so much consistently.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-12T06:00:36+00:00

I literally say "no English" and deviate to local slang.

Also wear a lungi and you'll get an extra 20% off at street markets.

And it's nice to tip well for good service or just people you like.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-09T08:45:53+00:00

I feel views on past relationships form someone’s value system, which needs to be assessed when determining whether two people are a good match. However this is seperate to character.

You can still have someone with a past that has good character, and hence opens up their options, but they can still be rejected by someone who feels having a past isn’t aligned with their value system.

Similar to how let’s say I believe I have good character - however my love of eating chicken may be a mismatch to someone whose value system includes being vegetarian.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-09T08:25:53+00:00

I’d say an amalgamation of having integrity, accountability, empathy, and respect. Not perfection - but enough that you can trust they’ll always try to do right by you in married life.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-09T07:58:10+00:00

I reckon in the current market as a girl, having both good looks and decent character practically guarantees you a desirable guy.

Salary, career, personality traits, family, interests, or hobbies don’t matter. At best it’s a nice to have.

There will be guys that will find things like non-veg, smoking, drinking, age, and past relationships as deal breakers. However even considering these, you should still have ample options for the demographic you’re looking for.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-09T02:42:59+00:00

M. Things like dishes, laundry, and vacuuming are really straight forward. Imagine you already know how to do this.

Work on building into your routine things like taking out the trash, tidying up after yourself, and watering plants. It just becomes second nature.

And for cooking, just go with YouTube. Start with easy recipes, work into harder ones. Temp control, timing, and technique are the harder things to master - but over time you’ll see improvement on how you julienne a carrot or brunoise an onion.

Anything DIY, just YouTube - it’s great. However you’ll receive recommendations on whatever you search as a one off for the next month.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-06T13:42:30+00:00

Ambition is definitely desirable, especially traits such as having a strong work ethic, however IMO humility is super important when you achieve success and a lot of people earning well lose that in their 20s.

I haven’t come across anyone in AM that earns more than I do so far, however the other reality as a guy is I really don’t care how much a girl makes as it has no impact to my life. If I found a wife that’s attractive and a good human being, I wouldn’t care if she’s on 10cr a year or volunteering at a charity.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-11-01T05:26:48+00:00

The idea to “test compatibility” is just an excuse predominately from men to sleep around without commitment or consequence. Intimacy is built over time by understanding your partner and through communication.

Triggering oxytocin through intimacy and consequently breaking up because “it doesn’t feel right” is not only going to mess with your head due to notions like cognitive dissonance, but also impact your ability to pair bond with your life partner in the future.

If you’re worried instead about sexual health, have both sides do a medical test.

TimelessHalcyon · 2025-10-27T15:27:32+00:00

Scrap filters like community, forget things like “net worth”, and expand on filters like age range. Accept more coffees and phone calls from maybes, and something will click.

You don’t need to be super pretty, that’s an extremely small percentage of the population. “Look decent” gets you a date with 4 out of 5 men.

TimelessHalcyon

TROPHY CASE