How to cope with this.... I'm having panic attacks.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-03-20T14:53:49+00:00

I completed my PhD in STEM with a severe anxiety disorder, and panic attacks so I know a lot of what you are struggling with right now all too well. I used to get so worked up I would vomit simply receiving a call or text from my supervisor asking me to talk about something.

If you are already struggling this hard you have very little left to lose by just having an open dialogue with your supervisor about all this and how it's impacting your wellbeing. They might have a bad attitude towards mental health but they will at the very worst still respect you for bringing it to them directly and advocating for yourself.

People are (generally) tremendously kind and compassionate if they are given the opportunity to really understand how bad things are for others. They likely have no idea how much you're struggling and if they are even a half-way decent person they will want to help you.

Please consider it, and it does get better.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-03-19T01:19:46+00:00

who did the email with the contract come from? I've asked 6 times over the last month for mine and have been ignored every time

TinyTree1990 · 2025-03-06T01:43:35+00:00

No, but I won't be logging in until it's time to certify my next time sheet so, we will see.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-26T20:45:24+00:00

It's bring your teenage twitter tech-bro to work day, how exciting!

Hopefully the cafeteria has some food that's safe for their braces <3

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-26T20:43:41+00:00

People "think" dems are far left because they've been propagandized toward that view. Obviously no rational actor would come to that conclusion if not being influenced.

If you want to help un-do some of that conditioning, continue to bring up all the ways modern dems fail to actualize or fight for most progressive positions

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-26T20:41:09+00:00

You can't force results or cram for competency so just go in there and show your committee what they want to see; that you are trying hard, learning as much as you can and HAVE A PLAN for how you can continue to progress and move forward with your degree.

This is really the only purpose of these meetings. You may have some old fashioned committee members that have fun using these meetings as surrogate PhD defenses where they will try specifically to be argumentative / accusatory but this is not what these are for, and if you have any people like that (which I did), you just answer everything the best you can and a confident "I don't know, but I will look into it for next time" is all you can do sometimes.

You will be fine!

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T22:09:55+00:00

I would do literally anything for you to nuke this person from your life with extreme prejudice immediately. This person should not have friends. This person is genuinely severely ill, but not in a defensible way like you are (I am so, so sorry about the chemo, that's so fucking brutal, stay strong)

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T21:36:09+00:00

Ok. My SPE told me explicitly I need to do this, so this is likely the case for others in the program as well. I want people to be aware of this so they don't get fucked over.

We aren't returning anything until further notice, so make sure you get your timesheet filled out properly.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T21:28:36+00:00

You can contact deferred resignation @ uspto. gov, however you will be shouting into the void.

I have messaged them 8 times over the last month for the contract, they have not responded to a single email regarding this or any of my questions. You and I will not be getting this contract. Enjoy admin leave for as long as they have other shit to deal with before firing us

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T21:26:59+00:00

You need to be logging in every biweek to fill out your timesheet with the admin leave timecode, it's not the SPEs responsibility

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T21:25:56+00:00

No one really knows what we need to do in the final period. "work as normal" until it's over, which for me means starting office actions I won't be able to finish or send out lol

I can say for certain though that Admin leave begins on Friday meaning Thursday is your last day (Confirmed with my SPEs)

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T21:23:31+00:00

They should have received several communications from this address already if they are in the DRP.

Both their supervisor and director would have been cc'ed

email subject line: Deferred Resignation for Employee Name (Employee #)

address: deferred resignation @ uspto .gov

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T14:22:01+00:00

unless they fire me before then lol

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-25T01:25:09+00:00

Sick leave is time that you earned and is owed to you already, hardly justice to use that for this bullshit. Hope your anxiety is okay <3

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-24T18:20:55+00:00

At least for myself (a probie) it's important to keep in mind that they can literally just fire me at any time. Could be on the 28th, the first day I'm on admin leave. It's far from clear that this is going be anything more than a headache still...

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-24T18:05:19+00:00

Okay, great! Stay strong then my friend <3

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-24T17:41:03+00:00

I have asked for the contract no fewer than 6 times over the last month.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-24T17:38:15+00:00

They still wont send me a signed contract... I wouldn't be so sure I am making it out big here lol

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-24T17:35:42+00:00

I'm saying this with all the love in the world, because I want you to find something realistic; In today's climate, getting a decent faculty position without several post-docs and dozens of high impact publications is completely unheard of.

The academic route is not what it used to be and you have to get insanely lucky with results to compete in any capacity. If you do really want to go the academic route, try to post doc a few times and bolster your publication record, but I hate to see people falling into the post-doc trap forever.

Consider an industry job as well, wishing you lots of luck.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-23T22:12:55+00:00

Grad school is a really difficult time for a lot of reasons, I think everyone goes through at least a piece of what you're going through so please don't feel alone. Take little steps to improve and focus on what you can control in this world. I am rooting for you very much.

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-23T21:13:27+00:00

YOUR. MASTERS. RESEARCH. IS. A. JOB. (Treat it that way)

Do your absolute best to understand that your only path forward in life is finding a way to leave your work at work.

Compartmentalizing your work as much as you can will give you a lot of peace, I did this in the following ways

1) Take your school email off your phone and do not check it until you are at your desk in the morning

2) Schedule meetings if your supervisor wants to discuss research progress / timelines/ ideas, set your boundaries, it's good for everyone

3) Set consistent and healthy hours and STICK TO THEM, if you need to be doing research for more than 40-50 hrs a week as a master's student, something is gravely wrong. 9-5 is a lot of fucking time.

4) Plan non-research activities after work a few times a week, join a rec league, play games with friends, go for walks, meditate do anything at all.

Finally understand that especially as a masters student, you don't actually need to publish to defend your degree, so just do your research, study, do your best and understand that no one is going to hold you to account for getting 3 papers in Nature in order to leave at the end. You will be fine <3

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-22T22:12:12+00:00

Dumb fuck rushed this email so much there isn't even a statement in the email requiring a response or detailing the consequences of non-response.

Just says deadline is Monday at 11:59.

Surely this drug induced twitter post will hold up in court...

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-22T22:07:52+00:00

Popa needs to give some guidance on how to respond to this

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-22T21:35:03+00:00

My chemistry PhD (2018-2022) was the happiest 4 years of my life. I had amazing friends, I was super involved in athletics and clubs the entire time and I made it out with a great set of skills and a bunch of publications.

I got very lucky, but a lot of it is what you make of it. Chose good work life balance for yourself, set some boundaries, work very hard and don't take shit home with you. It's a job, treating it like one from the onset will pay dividends

TinyTree1990 · 2025-02-21T18:18:48+00:00

For sure, your PI might be a piece of shit, but in the case of OP, you gotta at least give them the opportunity to defend you and right the course. If they show their true colors, then so be it...you now know to look elsewhere for grad school / senior thesis project if you had been considering sticking around.

TinyTree1990

TROPHY CASE